Cranky

My boss's husband is one of those people who believes that a positive attitude is the key to all happiness and success. Maybe he's on to something and I shouldn't roll my eyes and resort to my typical cynicism at the idea, or maybe it's just easier to be happy and have a positive attitude when you're a millionaire with a reasonably loving family and the kind of security most of us only dream of. I've mentioned before my annoyance with the meaningless American greeting of "How are you?" "Good; how are you?," but what annoys me even more is this man's typical response of "I am totally fabulous and getting better by the second" when someone makes the mistake of greeting him with the standard "How are you?" query.

Sometimes I think I should try to evoke the Little Orphan Annie "You're never fully dressed without a smile" philosophy, but I've come to realize that it's really just not me. I am not a happy-ray-of-sunshine, spreading-goodness-and-cheer-to-all-who-pass-my-way kind of person. Still, I try not to dwell on the negative all too often. Today, however, I'm in a funk. And while I feel like I should make some attempt to shake this bad mood and try writing something at least mildly entertaining for the three people who might read this, I'm just not feeling the love. I need to vent. This is for me, not you, so if you don't want to hear it, browse elsewhere. If you feel like coming along for the ride, here we are. The list of things that really shouldn't test me... the things causing annoyance and rage that's preventing me even from having any joy and happiness for the good fortune of others (such as my sister, who seriously won $1,000 from a radio call-in contest today... yes, she really won... someone I know won $1,000 on the radio, and I can't even bring myself to be happy for her about it... very sad).

So then. The source of my bad mood. The things that really need to go away right now because I've really just had enough. In no particular order, except perhaps for the first one, which is really (I'll admit it) likely the one that triggered this whole spiral of negativity in the first place.

1. The Old Republic Extended Warranty company. You're seriously telling me that just because I was too spacey to remember to mention to the Saturn service technician that I have an extended warranty plan and ask if my $485 worth of car repairs were covered by said plan (when really, I shouldn't have needed to ask in the first place, since the Saturn dealership where I've taken my car for service since I purchased it five years ago should really HAVE that information ON FILE), that you're not going to REIMBURSE me for the repairs?? That's just lunacy. I don't care if the contract says repairs must be authorized in advance. If it's something you would have covered at 6:00 p.m. on June 8, it's something you should cover at 8:00 a.m. on June 9. Yes, I know you hate parting with your company's assets to make the day brighter for me, but I PAID you a good sum of money up front when I bought the damn policy precisely to cover repairs such as this. Cough it up, because this is bullshit.
   
   
2. The damn mortgage company, who kindly informed me that they'll be raising my payment by $70 each month, starting with my next payment. Why thank you. I really appreciate that. So much for the "Buy a house! You'll never have to worry about a landlord raising your rent again!" suggestions. I lived in several apartments, and my landlord never raised my rent $70 on a month's notice. I realize that the mortgage company is not a landlord and that it's not the same thing. I also realize it's not the mortgage company's fault, but the fault of whoever raised my property taxes and made my escrow account come up short. For that I'll blame Governor Polenta Log, because he's a quick and easy scapegoat and because I already have plenty of contempt and rage for that man anyway. No need to shoot it at others as well.
   
   
3. Whatever component in the multi-point path that enables my Internet connection (whether it be the wires coming in to the telephone pole in the alley, or the connection on the side of my house, or my phone jack, or a portion of the kluge system of cords and extenders running from the jack to my computer, or the modem and computer itself, or the stupid Earthlink ISP software) that is causing my modem to make a horrible screeching noise and claim there's no dial tone and no ability to make a connection approximately one in every three times I attempt to reach the Internet. I feel a little bit bad that my next door neighbor's visiting adult daughter likely heard me scream "Oh for fuck sake!" through my open window when she was innocently sitting on her parents' porch engaged in a phone call, particularly since technical difficulties (especially clearly routine ones like this) probably shouldn't warrant use of the "f" word, but really. Is it so hard for my damn modem to just recognize that there's a dial tone and make a reliable connection every time? This isn't 1994, after all. I know--screw dial-up. Get a real connection. See #1 and 2 above for financial constraints preventing that option from becoming a reality.
   
   
4. The chipping and peeling paint on my house's cedar shake siding, which taunts me each time I return home, reminding me that I really need to quit procrastinating and start sacrificing every consecutive available nice weather evening and weekend to that project until the scraping and sanding is finally done and the whole house is repainted. I've learned many things to keep in mind the next time I buy a house. Settling for nothing less than stucco or maintenance-free siding is one of them. Meanwhile, I'm stuck scraping, since I clearly can't afford to hire someone to do it for me. (Again, see #1 and 2 above.)
   
   
5. Happy couples. Yes, I know this one is irrational and selfish and bitter and unfair. I don't care. I'll get over it and get back to taking pleasure and finding hope in other peoples' happiness. Right now just let me be spiteful for a little while, OK?
   
   
6. Those damn ribbon-shaped magnets on everyone's bumper and trunk these days. OK, I realize that now I'm just reaching and looking for every little thing that annoys me, rather than focusing on the real source of my bad mood and making some attempt to dissipate it, but really. Pink ribbons for breast cancer research? OK, I'm on board with that. Red ribbons for AIDS awareness? That's cool, too. As long as the ribbon indicates that you in some way contributed to a charity or research organization aimed at eradicating these evils. I'd even go along with the "Support Our Troops!" ones, if it didn't sound like a lecture or reprimand every time I see one (as though I'm supposed to drop what I'm doing--which is, incidentally, DRIVING--and do some vague, uncertain thing to somehow support our troops) AND if the money spent to purchase all those damn magnets in some way actually went to support said troops. I support our troops in that I know they're just doing their job (never mind that it's a job I don't feel they should have been sent off to do), and I support them in that I want them to come home before they're needlessly killed. How a magnetic propaganda device is helping them in any way is truly beyond my understanding. But what bothers me even more is the trend the damn ribbon magnets has set for every other cause imaginable. The other day I saw a car with two of these ribbons--one urging me to spay and neuter my pets and the other shouting "Fight Litter!" I fully support spaying and neutering to prevent unwanted animal overpopulation, and I agree that littering is bad. But are either of these really appropriate for the "ribbon of support" format? I don't think so. (And I'm not the only one who's annoyed.)
   

OK, I'll stop now, before I get going on the seemingly unending reaches of reality TV or that inane commercial with Hillary Duff and her less famous sister prattling on about whether some dumb mint is liquid or ice. Seriously... Enough. [Rage.]

I'll try to be in a better mood tomorrow. Really.