Yet more proof that real life isn't anything like the movies

I don't know what my fascination with pirates is, but for some reason, despite the obvious turmoil for those traumatized by this whole Somalian cruise ship attack thing, I'm thrilled and amused to learn that pirates are still storming the seas, presumably strolling about their decks with a parrot on their shoulder, waving their hook arms and peg legs and singing "Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me."

So you can imagine my disappointment when I learned that modern pirates do not fire cannons or swing swords or leap from massive wooden ships equipped with planks and high-flying skull-and-crossbone flags. No, modern pirates fire machine guns and toss grenades and make their getaway in a far more practical motorized speedboat.

It makes sense, obviously, as I can't imagine a successful escape from today's Coast Guard if you're gliding along no faster than One-Eyed Willie's ship passed into the sunset at the end of Goonies. Still, these Somalian pirates could have kept up the illusion, just for tradition's sake.