- Tell me I have no idea how gorgeous I am.
- Tell me I'm not just smart, but "fucking brilliant."
- Listen and laugh attentively, even when I start talking about punctuation.
- Tell me I never have to pay for anything with you.*
How to annoy me:
- Tell me you can't remember if you voted for Bush.
- Get sloppy, slurred-speech hammered on our first (and second) date.
- Claim that because I have no brothers, I can't possibly have any sympathy for men. Fail to realize the double standard of this statement coming from a man who has no sisters.
- Brag that you pretty much always get what you want.
How to terrify (and henceforth ruin your chances with) me:
- Send 13 consecutive replies to a single e-mail, so that my Inbox looks like this.
- Turn into near-violent, angry, jealous guy at the mere mention of a male friend's name.
- Ask me to change my display name in Yahoo to the shortened version you prefer.
- Tell me approximately 12 hours into our acquaintance that you're certain I'm exactly who you're looking for.**
-------------------------------------
* What? Sure I'm still a feminist, but this is just a damn good deal. You don't have to be "fucking brilliant" to realize that.
** I know, I know; this should have been sweet. But considering some of the prior red flags waving wildly, my question was "Looking for me for what?"
12 comments:
Yeah, um... step AWAY from that guy.
Yikes! Reads like a creep! The clingy kind... not good...
It sounds like you already have, but I'll say it anyway: Run for the hills! Meep. Red flags are all over the place!
My old roommate, Al (the one I blogged about last week), had a firm belief that a woman should never pay for anything, ever. I mean, if I had to stop at 7-Eleven on our way to work (we occasionally carpooled) to get a snack and soda, he REFUSED to let me pay for it. It was strange, especially given that we weren't dating, but it was also awesome. Who doesn't love a free Big Gulp, am I right?
All of this is from the same guy? Wow...
Oh, Lordy, If this is your current dating experience, I truly feel sorry for you.
On the other hand, maybe you should start pretending that these aren't really dates but that these men are merely cannon fodder for you steely wit. Then at least you'll have gotten something from them (you know besides the comments about your brillance and the free dinner deal!).
At least you got some free food out of the deal, I am assuming. And a hilarious post. Did he also try to get you to join the NRA? If so, I think I may have also dated this guy. =)
Jasclo & Stinkypaw--Thanks for the confirmation on that. After he sent me an email apologizing for being a jackass, I actually started to wonder if perhaps I was being too hasty.
Nabb--Indeed; free stuff is always a bonus. Glad you see it that way, too.
Darren--I'll admit I took a little bit of artistic license, in that #3 on the first list was someone else (someone who hasn't yet totally terrified me or turned me off). The rest is a single source, however.
epixie--Thanks. And yes, at least they're good for blog fodder.
R--No, he didn't try to get me into the NRA, but I think I may have dated that guy back in February...
NO. What an asshat! Run, Forrest, RUN!
Damn, does dating suck sometimes. What a freak! I hope he doesn't know where Stefanie Sleeps.
JN--Since I wrote this, I keep thinking of other things I forgot to include, like him telling me I should never cut my hair because he was attracted to me just the way it is right now. Yes, asshat indeed.
GG--Ha. I hope so too. :-) It wouldn't take all that much sleuthing for him to figure it out, but I'm just going to hope he's balanced enough that he won't try.
OMFG^122222th power. What a fucking jackass/creep/weirdo. No second-guessing! Only running!
Stef. Stef, Stef, Stef. You just need to move to a place where you have no options and therefore marry the first guy who pretends to be interested!!!!!
(What, that's bad advice?)
Post a Comment