Sunday, June 07, 2009

In which I apparently do not know what bullets are for

You know how every now and then, Stefanie Says unofficially becomes a dating blog? I currently have ZERO interest whatsoever in seeking out dates (I have sort of decided I should perhaps go on a bit of a dating sabbatical until the universe kindly decides to stop fucking with me), and yet, I'm reminded, at times like this, that when I am actively dating, at least I have stories to tell.

Realizing that the bulk of my writing lately has concerned nothing more notable than my baking endeavors, the giant bug in my basement, and the mutant rhubarb in my backyard, I tried to compile a list of things I could perhaps tell you about tonight. Here is what I came up with.
  • Wine on tap
  • Facebook - lied to my mother
  • Books & Bars sex book
  • Digging
  • 64 degrees in house
  • Flickr freaks
  • [Name] (redacted)
Tell me: which (if any) of those would you like to hear more about? What's that? I can't hear you. Pity you're not in my living room right now to weigh in. I guess I will just have to tell you about ALL of them. Lucky you.
  • Wine on tap - For last weekend's camping trip, I decided to forgo the bulky, inconvenient glass bottles and bring a tasty and economical Black Box instead. For little more than the price of two bottles, I got four bottles' worth of wine, which I figured I would share with fellow campers and have little if any left over. As it turned out, my friend Amy had the same idea, and between her box of wine and the several bottles that other campers offered up on the picnic table at our camp site, I came home with my entire box minus only maybe a glass or three. I have often thought that boxed wine might be a good idea to keep on hand, that if I could pour just one glass from an air-tight vessel that stays fresh for a month or more, I could enjoy wine with dinner whenever the mood strikes, without being tempted to finish the whole bottle in a night or two to avoid waste. As it turns out, wine on tap is not the best idea after all. In fact, it makes it entirely too easy to say, "Hmm. A little wine might be nice right now. Oh look! I have some RIGHT HERE! I don't even have to open a new bottle!" And since the fill level is all neatly tucked away in a bag behind the cover of a cardboard box, I don't have a helpful visual aid to remind me when one glass has somehow become three. Note to self: Wine on tap = NOT such a brilliant plan after all, unless my brilliant plans also include becoming a full-fledged (rather than merely occasional, borderline) wino. (Secondary note: They do not.) Cue the "The more you know" jingle; that's one to grow on, folks.

  • Facebook - lied to my mother - My mother has been on Facebook for over two weeks now, and still her only friends are my two sisters and me, which only serves to prove my theory that she joined for no other reason than to try to become closer to spy on the three of us. Today is her birthday, so I called her to say hello, and in the course of conversation, she said, "What I don't understand is, why, when I look at [younger sister]'s page, can I see the things her friends posted and the things she's posted, too, but when I look at your page or [older sister]'s, I can see only things your friends posted?" There are several correct answers to this question. "Because I have cruelly blocked you from viewing my status updates and links because I don't want you to know too much about my life or to leave mom-ish comments on my page" is one. "Because you weren't supposed to be smart enough to figure out that you saw anything different on my page vs. anyone else's" is another. Instead, I just said, "I don't know; different settings?" and then quickly changed the subject. Yes, I lied to my mother. On her birthday, no less. I'm sure it's not the first nor the last time Facebook will make me do something I'm not entirely proud of. Let's just move on, shall we?

  • Books & Bars sex book - I have been meaning to check out the Twin Cities' most irreverent book club for over a year now, and last month, Carrie and I finally went. The book was the one that's been sitting in my sidebar for well over a month now, because despite my being a goody-goody, homework-is-not-optional girl all through my schooling, apparently I have few qualms about showing up for a book discussion only halfway through the assigned reading as an adult. I'm not doing much better this month, as the next event is on Tuesday and I still have well over a hundred pages of Bonk to read yet. I don't read a lot of nonfiction, and Bonk is a particularly unique brand of nonfiction. As I'm reading, I can't help thinking perhaps it's a strange form of erotica that works only on nerds. A science book wouldn't usually remind me that I'm not, shall we say, getting any, and yet last night, before I shut down my computer and went off to bed, I sent Carrie an email to say I was "off to read about sex for a bit and then go to sleep without any, as per usual." I'm more than a little curious to see what sort of discussion this book, um, arouses on Tuesday night. (Come on, I had to go there, right? Cheap joke or not, surely you understand.)

  • Digging - Because every project I ever initiate inevitably takes at least three times longer than I originally estimated, I am still digging up the five feet or so of lawn in front of my house in preparation for my efforts to plant something more equity-enhancing there. I really don't have anything to say about this; frankly, it was on this list only because when I am fixated on a project, it seems entirely more important and interesting in my head than it is to anyone else. Moving on.

  • 64 degrees in house - I am typing away in my hobo gloves again tonight, because although it is June, it is currently 64 degrees in my house, and because it is June, I refuse to turn on my furnace to do anything about that. I was irked about this for much of the day, until I remembered that I actually much prefer 64 degrees in my house to 94 degrees in here. Unseasonably cold days in so-called summer aren't all bad, I suppose.

  • Flickr freaks - I've grown accustomed enough to living much of my life online that I don't typically think too much anymore about posting my personal photos to Flickr and leaving them public for the world to see. If strangers really want to view my boring, poorly executed photo sets from trips with my friends, so be it. But when a grown man with a mud-play obsession marks photos of my friend's daughter playing in a mudpit at a state park as a favorite, should I be a bit skeeved out? And when the admin for a "socks and sandals lovers" group asks that I add my "I rock the socks and sandals" pic to their pool, do I oblige and add the photo, or do I write back to explain that I do not, in fact, lack all fashion sense, and I photographed my feet in socks and sandals only because it was too cold that morning for sandals alone but I was too lazy to return to the tent for proper shoes before we commenced a post-breakfast walk? As with so many situations in my life, I have resolved both of these dilemmas by simply ignoring them. I have to say, though: it takes all kinds. Weirdos abound on the Internet, and Flickr is not exempt.

  • [Name] (redacted) - The montage reel continues, but it's sped up to make a loop almost up to the present. At an event Thursday night, I ran into yet another one-date boy. This time, it was the guy I deemed my best date of '08. I actually sort of expected to run into that one again eventually. As I keep saying, the city is shrinking, and he and I have enough in common that we were bound to cross paths again. I did not expect to see him that night, though, and was inexplicably thrown enough that our polite, perfunctory conversation was definitely far from my best work, banter-wise. People, I feel I've lost my mojo. Or rather, what mojo I at one point had. I am reportedly bright and charming and by some accounts even hilarious when I am not trying. When it actually matters, I become that mousy girl from my graduating class who said probably fewer than 30 words all through high school. (Interesting sidenote: That girl is married. The world is a strange, baffling place sometimes.) I've been wondering if perhaps I should contact The Traffic Engineer again. Maybe another dinner with him would press the Reset button and restore my shaken confidence somehow. That's not particularly fair to The Traffic Engineer, however, and actually doesn't sound like a particularly good time to me, either. So instead I'll just hope, as seems likely, that all things are cyclical, and things will align and be set right again eventually. That or it's time to admit defeat and resign myself to a life of plucky hermitude--a life I actually embrace more often than may be normal.
All right. And I think that about proves why the bulleted post of randomness is not a post I should make a habit of writing. Tell me, what random thoughts would you care to write more about than is necessary today?


3carnations said...

My mother asked, on her recent visit, if hubby and I are on Facebook. When we scoffed and said no, she gave a sigh of relief and said "I didn't think so." Then we all compared notes about various people pressuring us to join.

Jess said...

OK, I would have lied in that Facebook-mom situation as well.

lizgwiz said...

I think the phrase "a life of plucky hermitude" just made my whole morning. Hee.

Courtney said...

Yes, I'd say that staying away from The Traffic Engineer is a good idea.

I have also tried keeping a box of wine handy at all times, and you're right, it can be dangerous. I had to stop because (a) getting buzzed every night is not among my life goals and (b) half the fun of drinking wine is to feel a bit classy, and you just don't get that feeling with boxed wine.

Sauntering Soul said...

I'm not on Facebook or My Space but if I was, I don't think I'd need to worry about my mom stalking me. She always says stuff about people being on My Face so obviously she's completely clueless.

But I think telling a small fib to your mom was okay.

Allie said...

I've thought about working the settings on Facebook, but I figure this way it keeps me from saying anything I'd be upset about in case the settings fail. Still, one of my old friends made a rather inappropriate joke on my profile this weekend and I cringed when my mother-in-law mentioned seeing the corresponding picture, because it meant she probably saw the joke too.

I used to work in a bar that actually had wine on tap. It was not good stuff. But I've had the black box wine and it's pretty decent.

-R- said...

The Flickr thing grosses me out.

I would have thought the boxed wine was a good plan since I usually only want one glass at a time, but I see your point.

My mom is worried that my sister and I are on Facebook. She thinks weirdo internet stalkers will come after us, I guess. My mom can barely send an e-mail, so I'm not too worried about it, but I would do the same as you. In fact, I think I may do that for certain people who shall remain unlisted here.

Anonymous said...

I would have lied too. I'm always giving my parents crap for not using a computer but when it comes to that, I'm glad. It's not that I care if she see's things on there, but the explaining of the sarcastic, mostly humorous responses would be exhausting because the lady doesn't understand humor or sarcasm.

Shelly said...

Oh, the lying to your mother made me sad, because I know that someday, my beloved little babies will lie to me. But those days are far away right now, and I totally understand how you feel about your mom being on Facebook.

Stefanie said...

3Cs--Maybe her sigh of relief was because she IS on there already, and she is worried that you'll join and she'll have to block your access the same way I blocked my mother's! (What? It could happen...) ;-)

Jess--You would have? Thank you. That actually makes me feel a little better.

Liz--I do what I can. :-)

Courtney--Boxed wine may not be classy, but it IS sort of fun. That little push button? The little spigot? I sort of love it.

SS--Two votes for my not being a terrible daughter. Hurrah! Thank you for your support.

Allie--OK, of course I had to go to your FB page and see what the inappropriate joke was. Admit it; that was actually kinda funny. :-) And I do try to follow that rule about not saying anything inappropriate, because I'm linked to coworkers and vague acquaintances and people I haven't seen in YEARS. I guess it's more that I don't want my mom leaving dumb little "mom" comments on things. Does that make me sound like an adolescent? Maybe. Oh well.

R--I was pretty excited when I realized you could apply different settings for individual people, not just groups. Oddly, I haven't used that control nearly as much as I'd think.

Stacey--You would have lied, too? Seriously, people, you are making me feel far less guilty. Thank you. It still doesn't solve for me what to do if my mother asks about this again, though. :-(

Shelly--My coworker's seven-year-old daughter recently asked her why, when kids become teenagers, they hate their parents. A friend told her to answer, "I don't know, and I hope you never do either!" Maybe she'll get lucky and her daughter WON'T ever hate her. Maybe you'll be so lucky, too. :-) (P.S. I don't hate my mom, of course. I just don't want her on my Facebook page.)

steve said...

I'm with you on the mom/FB thing - my mom's a compuphobe, but she does manage to check out what used to be my blog from time to time.

I'm also with you on the boxed wine - I really do dig the little spigot and push button on the box, and not having to worry about the wine going bad as fast as it does in a bottle. Target has what I consider surprisingly good boxed wines, not that you'd ever know it living in Minnesota. Stupid MN booze laws.

Alice said...

my mom apparently "accidentally" requested me as her friend on facebook. i ignored the request until the next time i talked to her, then asked her if she REALLY wanted to be facebook friends, eg had she really thought this through? she was horrified and said she had not meant to friend me, and went off to fret about how many other people she accidentally-friended that week.

Maddie said...

Flickr is like a safe haven for freaks (I suppose, myself included). I have posted a few pictures of my feet or shoes and received some extremely creepy group requests and favorite labels. Like yourself, I decided it's best to ignore...or rock myself to sleep crying at night?

Mary said...

I would like to point out that you did NOT lie to your mother, as it is "different settings" that are the reason. You just happened to change them yourself, which is more of a withholding of information versus outright lying.

More wine anyone?