Tuesday, June 10, 2008

I'm not dead

I'm still here, but apparently I'm on summer hours--at least through this week yet for sure. You would think that after the dates I've gone on, the concerts I've been to, and the weekend trips I've taken recently, I would have plenty of stories to share. Unfortunately, after an unusually strenuous few hours of much-overdue yard work tonight, all I can do is stare at my screen and sigh, "Dang. I'm TIRED."

This just in: mowing takes a lot longer when you let your lawn grow to damn-near prairie grass height. That's Basic Home Ownership 101 right there. Also, wearing gloves is a good idea when pulling the two-foot long weeds and grasses and other assorted wildlife that sprout up when you're not looking.

The brand new scrape across my gloveless knuckles reminds me of a fun little game Liz suggested in my comments a while back. In lieu of any sort of proper post, would you care to tell me about the stupidest way you've ever hurt yourself? I'm sure someone out there has done something more ridiculous than put a gash in their wrist while cleaning the bathroom or tear a ligament tripping on a balloon. Anyone? Bueller? Do tell.


3carnations said...

In a bowlathon that I participated in high school, I accidentally stepped the teeniest bit over the line onto the slick lane, and fell flat on my rear.

shelleycoughlin said...

I believe I've already told you about falling down the musical stairs at the mall. But there are tons of other times- I once fell down in the parking lot at the movies and a cop saw me and ran over to help. That was pretty embarrassing. I also once went to whip my cousin with a wet dishrag at work and whipped myself in the arm so hard it bled. Or how about the time I fell under my friend's SUV when I slipped on some ice, and then had to twist my leg out from behind the tire and got all scraped up?

Yep, I could keep going. You are not alone, my friend.

The Dutchess of Kickball said...

I fell off my shoe (like a platform type shoe), pulling a muscle in my foot and rendering me completely immobile for a full week.

lizgwiz said...

Well, most recently I put a huge gash across my hand while feeding Dolly outside...and I have no idea what I scraped it on. None. Suddenly there was pain and blood. (I do know it wasn't Dolly.)

I have fallen both up AND down stairs. I bruised both hips once careening around the kitchen while trying not to step on my dog, who wouldn't or couldn't get out from between my legs. (It felt like some sort of demented pinball game.)

And, of course, I've always got the tried-and-true "tripped over a lawnmower in my driveway and required $16,000 worth of surgery to put a plate in my arm." Do I win? ;)

Anonymous said...

There are just so MANY ways I have hurt myself, and pretty much all of them are stupid.

I guess the topper would have to be slicing the tip of my thumb off while cutting a bagel, necessitating a trip to the ER and stitches, and during the stitches I passed out and had mild convulsions. Fun!

Maddie said...

One week after back surgery I tripped while walking and re-injured my back. I have lovely scars on my knee and shin to remember it.

Anonymous said...

Well, there have been numerous times when I've fallen in public. My two faves are (1) I was crossing the street, pondering the beauty of nature (it was early spring and everything was blooming), and simply didn't lift my foot up high enough to clear the curb. I skinned both my knees doing it. (2) I tried to stop the elevator doors from closing by sticking my foot (the closest limb to the doors) in it. The elevator didn't let go, so as the elevator went up, so did my leg. Thankfully, I wrenched my toe out of the doors, but fell on my back doing it. This was in the lobby of my office building at lunch time when everyone and their mothers were milling about. Awesome.

That being said - I think Liz wins.

Noelle said...

My stepping on a kickball and breaking my leg in three places incident has been well documented. I have had so many other silly injuries, I can't pick out the best one. So I'll just tell you about the most recent. This morning, I was getting out of bed, and I hit my head on one of the beams in my sloped ceiling. In exactly in the same place where I hit it when I went to bed last night.

And then this morning I was trying to fix my garden fence, and didn't even notice that I was cutting my leg with the excess fence that was on the ground next to it.

L Sass said...

In college, I cut the very tip of my thumb off with a scissors while clipping a coupon for Spaghetti O's. Yeah, that was pretty stupid.

Anonymous said...

On my 35th birthday, when going to pick up my birthday dinner, I slammed my thumb in the car door. Yes, the door closed ALL THE WAY. Brilliant. Needless to say, dinner was not picked up.

Courtney said...

I didn't actually hurt myself in the process, but I did fall off the stage once at a dance competition. Actually, my pride was hurt. That was fun.

Jess said...

Nothing too spectacular, unfortunately. Let's see. Ten years ago I closed my mouth too hard for no reason at all and chipped a tooth. And just a month or so ago I saw a mud puddle, CHOSE TO WALK IN IT ANYWAY, and slipped and gashed my leg. That was pretty stupid.

Poppy said...

I set myself on fire once while making tea. Have a nice little permanent scar on my right forearm! :)

Stefanie said...

3Cs--I've done that.

NPW--Wow. You may actually be more accident prone than I am. Are you sure we're not related?

Dutchess--I've done that, too, though minus the pulled muscle, thankfully.

Liz--The stairs thing is nothing new, and I've stumbled over pesky dogs and cats myself. The plate in your arm after tripping on a lawn mower, though? Yeah, that might be our winner.

Lawyerish--Ouch. Yikes.

Pants--Ooh. That had to suck.

Lara--I tripped up the stairs and sprained my ankle walking into the Humanities building in college once. Naturally, it was between classes so about 100 people saw it. That elevator thing, though? Way better.

Noelle--Wait. You STEPPED on the kickball? I thought you broke your ankle KICKING it! And the beam thing reminds me of the time in college when I whacked my head on the post of my loft three times in the same night. I told my roommate to be on concussion watch. Really I should never be allowed to sleep five feet off the ground...

L Sass--Ouch. And for Spaghetti O's? Totally not worth it. Bummer.

Anonymous--Ouch (again). Happy birthday to you, huh?

Courtney--Bruised pride is probably a different contest, but I enjoy the image anyway.

Jess--I remember the leg gash incident, but I don't remember that you gained it deliberately walking into a mud puddle. Why??

Poppy--Um, how does that even happen?? That actually might be tied with Liz's lawn mower incident.

Mother of Chaos said...

The day before St. Patrick's Day a few years ago, I was peeling zucchini for dinner. Somehow, to this day I don’t know how, EXACTLY…I peeled my right thumbnail right off my thumb.

The next day, I was performing at an Irish restaurant for their St. Patrick’s Day fling. Sitting there…in my green dress…behind the harp…with a bandage the size of my whole entire hand on my thumb. “Ohmygawsh, what happened to your thumb?” “Uh…I peeled it?” “{awed silence}” I had to explain that I had peeled my thumbnail with a vegetable peeler about six hundred million times.

The thumbnail eventually grew back (eventually). My pride…not so much.

metalia said...

Oh, this is PERFECT. Why? Because just this morning, I dropped an artichoke, which gashed my leg on the way down. I am awesome.

Poppy said...

Loose-fitting shirt plus electric stove burner for tea kettle, plus unobservant 10-year-old equals SET ON FIRE. Right arm, left hand. Dunno how I did it, but good times were had by all.