Thursday, September 04, 2008

Mission accomplished (if our mission was "drink and heckle")

Well, we did it. Last night, two friends and I ventured past the first tier of security guards and made our way within steps of the Xcel. And as much as I would love to tell you all about it with the level of detail and amusement you deserve, I stayed out entirely too late infiltrating the Republicans and hence, a list of highlights is all you're gonna get before my tired head falls flat against my keyboard with an unmomentous thud.

So then. The highlights, as I recall them, in traditionally lazy list form, but this time with NUMBERS instead of bullets, in an effort to prove that this isn't just like Tuesday's post; I'm totally shaking things up here.

  1. Absurd things I cannot believe I saw while pacing the stretch of street just outside the security fence:

    a. A 20-something man wearing a button that said, "I'm Pro-Hot VP." (I have typed three different sentences trying to sum up my reaction to this, but I've deleted all of them and instead just have to shake my head and say "No comment.")

    b. An international antiques shop window filled at all angles with rows of elephants.

    c. The divey bar where I once saw a college kid vomit on the floor five feet away from me, temporarily(?) converted into a much flashier establishment labeled in superfluous neon as "The CNN Grill."

  2. Me, at the Liffey, shortly before Palin's speech: "Let's turn it into a drinking game!" Unfortunately, none of us knew enough about her to predict any repetitive phrases or talking points. "Do you think she'll say 'terrorists' a lot? What about 'hockey mom'? Oh! Moose! Do you think she'll mention moose more than once??"

  3. Me, once our new friend (who is visiting the Twin Cities from San Francisco) began openly and loudly heckling the TV screen: "Are we going to get kicked out??" Answer: No. However at one point, someone not amused by his comments shouted back in our direction, "She can't hear you, you know!" To which our new friend immediately quipped, "Yeah, but YOU GUYS can!" It may have been my favorite moment of the night.

  4. Except wait. Maybe my favorite point was when the attractive guy Carrie and I had both been eyeing made his way over to our table and let us know that despite the fact that he was in a suit, he was not ONE OF THEM. "I'm here to infiltrate!" he said. "That's what WE'RE doing!" I replied.

  5. Also of note: the very drunk, late-middle aged east coast delegate with seven houses (he assured me he had counted them) who slurred to me that if I want to live a happy life, I should never get married and--oh yeah--also that the reason I'm not a fan of Sarah Palin must be that I'm gay. Gay. Because that makes sense. Stellar reasoning from the drunk Republican. Maybe that's why he was only an alternate delegate. Incidentally, I tried to take a picture of this charming man, but he ran from my camera as though he thought I was going to post his picture on the Internet. Which, you know, I would never do. Not me. No how. Nope.

    Vampire?

    I had no idea the quickest way to make an unwanted Republican go away was to threaten to photograph him. My friend Carrie suggested that perhaps he's a vampire. A Republican vampire. And cameras are to Republican vampires what garlic and crosses are to regular ones. (It's a theory.)

  6. Oh, and I was also told three times in the same evening that I "kinda look like [Palin]." You know, because just like Asians and black men, all brown-haired women with glasses look alike. Or so it would seem.

And with that, I believe I am officially DONE talking about the visiting blowhards and we can get back to our regularly scheduled frivolity about bad dates and misadventures and the absurd ways I routinely injure myself. 3Carnations? Are you still here? I promise it's safe to come out now (for a while, anyway).

14 comments:

3carnations said...

I had no idea that the reason I would walk away if you tried to photograph me for your blog was because I am a Republican, rather than that crazy anonymity issue. :)

greenpam said...

Hey, then I look like Sarah Palin too!

nancypearlwannabe said...

Isn't Republican vampire an oxymoron?

Ooooh.

Jess said...

I was just reading about buttons that say "The hottest VP from the coolest state." Charming, really.

badger reader said...

Well done Stef, well done!
Wish I could have been there to heckle with you guys.

The Dutchess of Kickball said...

Ack republican vampires, truly the only thing scarier than a regular vampire.

lizgwiz said...

I think I need to start organizing a heckling party for the debates. It's just no fun watching at home by yourself. There's no one to appreciate your heckling.

Or maybe I'll just come to Minneapolis and watch with YOU. ;)

-R- said...

So you are gay for someone who you look just like? That's kind of weird, Stefanie.

Also, you don't look like her at all. She looks WAY older than you, and the only similarity is the glasses.

Noelle said...

What you mean to say is that Sarah Palin looks like YOU. And every other brunette with glasses who met up in March...

Way to infiltrate!

Courtney said...

You hate Sarah Palin because you're gay?!? That made me laugh out loud! What a tool.

flurrious said...

That drunk Republican is extremely red. Way to represent!

People think you look like Palin? When did you change your hairstyle to the Fundamentalist Pouf? Do you also sound like her? Let's find out. Call me up, and if your voice goes through my head like a knife, then you do!

Neurotic Grad Student said...

Yay! I'm so pleased that they all have left town! Back to normal.

Stefanie said...

3Cs--But I didn't tell him I was going to post him on my blog! Republican vampires must be mind readers, too. ;-)

Greenpam--And so do Noelle and NPW! Wow; we all look just the same.

NPW--Oooh. Ba-dump-bump.

Jess--I know, right? At least we all have our priorities well in line.

Badger Reader--Well, maybe next time.

Dutchess--So true. So true.

Liz--Sounds good to me! When will you be here?? :-)

R--I know. What can I say. I love myself? (That guy was absurd.)

Noelle--Yep; she looks just like YOU, too!

Courtney--Indeed.

Flurrious--Ha. You're right; he really was doing his part to represent the party, wasn't he?

Grad Student--What, you don't miss them already? (Me neither.)

Sauntering Soul said...

Darn, I should have waited to have my lasik surgery so I could look like Sarah Palin too! And I must also be gay because I'm not a huge fan.