Monday, September 29, 2008

Things that I really ought to be better at by now

  • Figuring out that whole "Am I letting him pay, or should I offer to pay?" thing.
  • Not SAYING when I'm trying to figure out if I'm letting him pay or if I should offer to pay.
  • Answering a reasonably direct question like, "So, is this working for you so far? Would you like to continue hanging out?" with anything CLOSE to a direct and immediate answer.
  • Knowing when a guy is considering kissing me.
  • Helping him out and making the approach a bit easier when a guy IS considering kissing me.

Things that I AM really spectacularly good at:
  • Making potentially awkward situations exponentially MORE awkward.
  • Letting every thought that's batting around in my head find its way out of my mouth.

Clearly despite the ridiculous amount of experience I've accrued, my amateur status is still secure. (Good news! I'm still eligible to date in the Olympics! See you in Vancouver, friends.)


Melliferous Pants said...

I hate that uncertain who's paying business...enough, that I almost don't like a guy who doesn't offer on a first date. ESPECIALLY if it's just coffee.

Dating in the Olympics? Does it involve drinking? If so, count me in!

steve said...

I've always run with a rule that says if I invited her out on a date, I pay. If she invites me out, she pays.

Usually works for me, but probably doesn't help you very much, especially if the guy is wishy washy.

3carnations said...

Oddly, I think that sounds like kind of a good date. Am I right?

One Smart Cookie said...

I think you should go with the theory that the 'right' guy will find the awkwardness endearing. That he will like you MORE because of it.

(At least, that's what I told myself when I slipped on some ice and fell down a flight of stairs on my second date with Matt.)

The Dutchess of Kickball said...

You are totally going to bring home the gold.

flurrious said...

I enjoy the part where the check comes because it tells you a lot about the other person. I always just take my wallet out or reach for the check when it comes. If I don't like him, then I am definitely paying for at least myself and, if I have to, him. If I do like him, then I will let him pay if he just politely says he will, but also I will pay if he politely accepts my offer of payment. If he's insistent that I NOT pay on the the ridiculous grounds that he's the man, then he goes into the "I don't like him" column, and I insist on paying, but even if I then lose the battle of wills and he ends up paying, I will still never see him again. And if just sits there not making a move towards the check, I will pay, but I probably won't see him again in that case as well.

Microeconomics is a complex area.

lizgwiz said...

Generally, I go by the "the one who invites pays" rule. If who did the inviting is a little murky, and if the guy goes instantly for the check, then I let him. Sometimes I ask if I can help, but I don't insist. Especially if they were boring. Hee.

Mickey said...

Bad news: They let pros in the Olympics now. You're going to get steamrollered by some sort of dating Dream Team.

nancypearlwannabe said...

I always offered to pay but was never allowed to, so I don't know how far to go with the insisting. Do I rip the check from his hands? Flag down the server and hand my card before the bill even comes? I JUST DON'T KNOW.

Alice said...

my standard rule is that a guy should always OFFER to pay on the first date (and maybe for a few dates in, too). he should be WILLING to pick up the tab, but i ALWAYS ALWAYS offer to at least split it. if it's an early-on date, and he declines my offer to split/pay, i'll let him. if it gets be 3rd date or more and he won't let me pay for anything, i start slipping the waiter my card while my date's in the bathroom.

Noelle said...

We should go on a date together, because I am right there with you, sister.

Lara said...

Dating Olympics! Excellent!

So wait: I'm kind of with 3Cs in thinking that it sounds like a goodish date. Was it?

Courtney said...

This is quite the complicated area. Maybe you'll have it figured out by the time you reach Pro status?

Poppy said...

Add the word "quirky" to your online dating profile, then guys will expect the unexpected, including your head dialogue coming out of your mouth. I do the same. I found someone who loves me for it. Oh, and I totally kissed him first. BAM.

abbersnail said...

I've been dating HW for over a year, and I *still* get a little bit itchy when I feel like he's paying for more than half of what we do.

Aaron said...

Aren't we all like this, though? Frankly, I wouldn't trust anyone who WASN'T all weird and awkward on a first date. Perfect people blow.

Stefanie said...

Pants--I'm sure it would involve drinking. We can totally be teammates.

Steve--I've heard that rule before... I guess I don't do a lot of the asking... at least not for first dates, and beyond that it's always a little hazy if it's a mutual plan or a "who invited who" plan.

3Cs--It had its good moments and its awkward ones. Overall, good enough that he asked if I want to hang out again, so I suppose I couldn't have been too socially inept, right?

Cookie--That's what I tell myself, too. Not sure if it will pan out.

Dutchess--The silver at least, right?

Flurrious--Wow. You are a complicated woman. I sort of think the guys I date get off lucky with me... ;-)

Liz--Well, that sounds fair to me. :-)

Mickey--Dammit. Just my luck, right?

NPW--I went out with a guy a while back who said I was "not allowed to" pay for anything with him. A pity that didn't work out, huh? (KIDDING, people. Settle down. I promise I am not a gold digger.)

Alice--Well, this was a third date, so I probably should have paid. Eh. It was complicated by matters too boring to explain here. Still, I am bad at this.

Noelle--A double date with you? That sounds like fun!

Lara--Good? Goodish? Yes, I suppose so. The jury hasn't made any decisions, but it's definitely still deliberating.

Courtney--Let's hope so.

Poppy--That's not a bad idea, really. As long as they're not expecting Phoebe Buffay quirky and end up with just socially awkward me instead...

Abbersnail--Really? It's been so long since I dated someone for over a year that I guess I forget how that goes. I do remember that since my last "real" boyfriend made significantly more money than I did, I was entirely OK with letting him pay more often. I honestly think economics and pay scale complicates this issue. When I'm pretty certain a guy makes more than I do, I'm more inclined to let him pay. Is that wrong, or is it just common sense?

Aaron--Um, yeah, but this was a THIRD date. I don't expect to be perfect, but less of a bumbling idiot would be nice.

Poppy said...

I always give you my best ideas, always looking out for you.

And, if you don't want to have your internal dialogue fly out of your mouth just perpetually pinch yourself all over as a distraction. THAT's not weirder... ;)

Jess said...

I'm sorry, but where are all the details that explain the inspiration behind this post???

Stefanie said...

Poppy--Nope. That's not weirder AT ALL.

Jess--Details are overrated sometimes, aren't they? (No? Oh. Sorry.) :-)