You give, and you give, and you give (and I take happily and ask for more)

People, I have some mildly alarming news to report. It hardly seems possible, I know, but... the Internets have steered me wrong.

Remember last week, when I told you how my scattered and distracted self managed to store a new tub of cream cheese in the freezer instead of the fridge? I wondered out loud (or, onto the Internet) whether I had to toss that tub or not. And as usual, you guys came through with helpful replies. "Your cream cheese is fine," one of you said. "I used to freeze it on purpose," another explained. "Well, great!," I thought. "I'll just take toss it in the fridge to thaw, and when I bring it to work to spread on my bagel, it'll be just fine to eat."

I'm sorry, but how wrong you all were. How very, very wrong indeed. That cream cheese was NOT fine. Not fine at all, unless cream cheese with the consistency of bubbly yogurt falls under your definition of "fine."

That was a very disappointing bagel. That's all I'm going to say about that.

Perhaps it's not entirely fair to blame you guys for my sub-par breakfast today, nor is it even particularly important. Life goes on, after all, satisfying morning bagel or no. I may just be trying to make you feel just a wee bit bad, in the hopes that you'll want to make it up to me, because surprise, surprise, Internets: again, I need your help.

My lovely friend Amy is getting married in a few short weeks, and she recently asked me to read something during the event. "Of course!" I said. "I'm honored you asked! What would you like me to read?" It's going to be a pretty unconventional ceremony, so I figured First Corinthians likely wasn't on the agenda. Then she said she'd like me to write something and read that. "Just write a blog entry," she suggested. "I love the way you write in your blog; could you just come up with a blog entry to read?"

A blog entry. Yeah. That's all good and fine and I'm flattered she thinks my words are wedding crowd-worthy, but um, has she even READ my blog? (Yes, yes; of course she has.) I write about ME, people, and I don't think anyone at Amy's wedding is really coming to hear the silly little antics of my sad little life. I'm pretty sure talking about myself at someone else's wedding would rank right up there with wearing a dress deliberately meant to show up the bride.

"But you write about relationships!" Amy argued. Yes. Yes, I do. If by "relationships," you mean "all the bad and uneventful dates I've been on and all the boys who've made me cry." Again, not exactly heart-warming or appropriate wedding talk.

So I need some help, some suggestions, and I was hoping you guys could get that ball rolling. What would YOU write about, if a friend made a similar request of you? This is not a reception toast, mind you; it's not the simple maid-of-honor speech formula of "Look at this lovely couple; let's talk about how I know them and what I hope for their future together." It's a reading. For during the ceremony. Which is actually being held in an old movie theater and involves an interpretive dance number, among other things, so "ceremony" may not even actually be the right word, I suppose.

I do have one idea... an idea that might work and might be suitable, but it's really just the shell of an idea at this point... an idealet, an idea embryo, an idea zygote, if that. The theme I have in mind is What I've learned about love from the movies. Amy's an artist; her husband-to-be is a filmmaker; they've seen about a thousand movies together, and they're saying their vows in an 80-year-old movie house. What could be more appropriate, do you think?

This is where you come in. I can't actually think of all that many things I've learned about love from the movies. I'm sure they're stored in my memory somewhere (I've taken plenty of life lessons from television, after all), but they're just not coming to mind. Ali MacGraw told me that love means never having to say you’re sorry, but I don’t know that that's really great advice for newlyweds... Meg Ryan and Matthew Broderick taught me that love makes you certifiably insane, but again, not necessarily the angle I’m shooting for.

So help me out, folks. I know you've got ideas. What have movies taught YOU about love?

Thanks in advance (from me and Amy both). Now come on; hit it, kids!