Friday, December 14, 2007

Santa's got nothin' on me

As you know, I was on a plane last week. Well, two planes, actually, if we're going to be precise. Do you know what that means? Lots of things, I'm sure, but the one I have in mind is that I got to peruse the Skymall catalog. Usually this is a fun diversion for me. This time, however, it didn't really hold my interest. Maybe the creepy animatronic Elvis on the cover irrevocably put me off. Or maybe the fact that I now regularly receive catalogs in my own home that are filled with items easily rivaling Skymall's fabulously unnecessary wares sort of dimmed the novelty of Skymall in my mind. Last year, I listed several such items in a probably not-too-helpful holiday gift guide for all of you. This year, how about I list some things people you know might actually want? That is, if the people you know are anything like people like me. Because personally, I think all of these are excellent ideas. I could put plenty of things on this list, but since it is Friday, I shall stop at only five of them.

Five fine gifts for the nerd/girly-girl/wino on your list:
  1. My friend Carrie has often commented on what she calls my "animated hand gestures." If I do talk with my hands more often than the average person, perhaps that is why I always feel I am one hand short when circulating about parties. More likely, though, I think it's that if you have a drink in one hand and a plate of snacks in the other, it's generally frowned upon to lean forward and retrieve those snacks from the plate using only your mouth. Clearly we need a third hand. OR! Or, we need cocktail plates cleverly designed to hold your wine or martini glass while you gesture madly or recover appetizers from your plate. Problem solved! Amen.

    Here. Let me hold that for you.
    Note: These are currently ON SALE, and at this price, you should really buy at least two sets. If there are only four people at your party, they'll probably have no trouble finding a flat surface on which to set their wine while they snack. Get eight or twelve people in the room, though, and look out! Lassoing your glass on your plate becomes much more useful at that point.

  2. Last week, I looked down at my keyboard and decided it was high time I did something about the layer of dust between all the keys. Unfortunately, since the supplies I had on hand were minimal and my attention span was short, this means what I did about it was run the edge of a damp cleaning rag between each row in a haphazard and half-assed fashion. I'm looking down at my keyboard now and realizing my efforts really didn't do a whole lot of good at all. But if I had THIS! If I had this, then I'd have no excuse for messy and revolting keys. Generally I am opposed to single-purpose gadgets and gimmicks. The fact that this item is sold out, however, tells me I'm not the only one who thinks this one's a fine idea.

    Suck on this.

  3. Strange as this sounds, I am often envious of girls with perfect, medium-sized breasts who can wear cheapo sports bras and can don low v-neck shirts and wrap tops without hazard. Me, I've got to layer sports bras or pony up for a pricey, genuinely supportive one, and I have to spend ten minutes wrangling a safety pin across a wrap neck if I want to avoid looking like a tramp. That's why the Bosom Button is such a fabulous idea. This surely falls into the "Why didn't I think of that??" category, which means that if I just wait a few years for the patent to expire, equally useful knockoffs will be everywhere for a fraction of the price. Meanwhile, I wonder if Craftster has some ideas for a make-your-own version for me.

    Bosom Buddy

  4. Despite possible evidence to the contrary, I maintain some modicum of confidence that I am a catch, dammit, and should I ever actually get a boyfriend again, he will be lucky to have me. I base this statement on several points of proof, only one of which is that although I would very much like some new jewelry, the diamond "Journey" pendant I keep seeing on TV is really not for me. I'm a girl with somewhat quirkier and less conventional tastes, and while I'll admit that someday I actually would like a genuine diamond on my ring finger, until then, I'd actually much prefer something like one of these.

  5. And finally, a gift that is maybe more a good idea in theory than in practice... You know how all of us library-loving nerds smile fondly at the mere thought of the scent of books? Well, apparently someone's captured that in a perfume. And while I have to question whether I truly want to smell like musty old paper, I still definitely love the romantic ideal of this product. Too bad Macy's likely doesn't have a tester I can try.

    Smells like library spirit

So I hope that helps you all with your holiday shopping dilemmas. In addition, in case you hadn't yet noticed, Blogger's got a Christmas present for us, too! It looks like my friends with WordPress blogs can comment with a link again! How about you test that out right now by leaving a note to say hello, OK?


Anonymous said...

This is the best gift guide I've seen! Seriously. And Merry Christmas to me, because I'm ordering those Bosom Buttons right now. Finally, some salvation for the girls with huge knockers.

I'm loving that jewelry, too. SO CUTE.

Anonymous said...

I am not a WordPress girl- but I see we shop at the same place.
Hope your season is shaping up to be a pleasant one.

Anonymous said...

Ok, WHATEVER, BLOGGER. I just tried signing in using my Wordpress account and it wouldn't let me.

Anyway, I know somehow that perfume is going to end up in my stocking, despite the fact that I already smell like a library all the time anyway!

-R- said...

It is possible to sign in using wordpress, but I have to sign out of my google reader, sign in to wordpress, leave a comment, sign out of wordpress, and then sign back in to google reader. So i am just going to keep leaving my blogspot address in your comments.

I really like those necklaces that are Os in different colors.

Stefanie said...

Nabb--Glad to be of service! You'll have to let me know how the Bosom Buttons work out.

Monkey--The season's going pretty OK so far. Right back at you, Monkey.

NPW--What? Gah. That sucks. Does it work if you try using the "Any OpenID" option?? Blogger's got an explanation on their home page (or maybe it's the dashboard page) of what you need to do to use OpenID, but it all sounds ridiculously complicated and unnecessary just to let non-Blogger friends comment!! What up, Blogger; fix that!!

R--Again, that all sounds wholly unnecessary. :-( Sorry. And should I point H to the Uncommon Goods site for you?

Kim said...

Those plates are such a good idea! I want to throw a party just so I have an excuse to buy them.

Anonymous said...

I've tried three times to leave this comment, but blogger won't let me be wordpress, still, and deletes my comment to boot. Damn it.

In short, I love your list. That is all.


Kim said...

FYI - I just spent $200 at Patina and got my xmas shopping done! Your list was a huge help. Thanks!

steve said...

I curse the bosom button. What fun is THAT? None. None at all.

Anonymous said...

Love love this stuff! The keyboard cleaner, the bird necklace! I want it all, except for the bosom button. I don't really need that, unless it makes what comes above it appear larger. Ahem. -Red ( DAMN YOU BLOGGER)

metalia said...

This is such a fabulous list! I must have those flower necklaces. Seriously, I'm DROOLING.

Stefanie said...

Kim--Better yet, buy them for a friend and then force HER to have a party!

Noelle--Ugh. Stupid Blogger. So sorry. :-(

Kim--Good! I love Patina. I think their stores are only in the Twin Cites, but through the magic of the Internet, you can shop there, too!

Steve--Heh. Sorry about that. Guess I didn't think about those from a male perspective.

Red--Maybe the keyboard cleaner is the first step to you cleaning your office? (Nah; probably not, huh?)

Metalia--I know; me too! Unfortunately, several of the ones I linked to were already sold, but she has some other lovely stuff, and I presume she'll get more inventory built up again after gift-buying season is done. Maybe I'll buy myself a gift AFTER Christmas...

Anonymous said...

I could totally use the bosom button..always using a safety pin! Annoying!

And that library scent just might come in handy...

Stefanie said...

Simone--Yeah, but you always work the cleavage with class, my friend. :-)

Jess said...

I don't think number three sounds strange at all. I am incredibly grateful for my B-cups and the affordable options they provide me.

Akkire said...

my friends and i used to joke about making perfumes like that one. but our hit was going to be "eau de bar" so you could spray it on and smell like you had gone out the night before and had a good time.

are you a librarian too?

Mair said...

Ooh, what now about WordPress?

I will take Items Nos. 1, 2 and 5. Whee!

L Sass said...

I make my sister collages of useful items that I love out of SkyMall.

My all-time favorite is the pop up hot dog cooker (because apparently, you need a separate appliance to cook HOT DOGS).

Stefanie said...

Jess--A perfect B probably does afford the most options. Good for you. :-)

Erikka--Hmmm... somehow I think I'll pass on that one. ;-) And nope, not a librarian; I just love libraries is all.

Malia--Oh, supposedly Blogger lets you log in for comments with your WordPress ID, but rumor has it it's still not working very well.

L Sass--I have seen the hot dog cooker! So ridiculous. Who cooks hot dogs often enough to warrant a need for one of those??

Aaron said...

Just knowing that perfume exists makes the world seem a little more awesome than it did this morning. Sex-ay.

Anonymous said...

I am apparently an idiot, because I can't figure out how to sign in using my wordpress id.

Anyway. I love everything on this list, except maybe the keyboard cleaner thingy (it intimidates me with its crazy attachments!). I hope Santa brings you all of these things!