Friday, May 16, 2008

Not even Whiskeymarie uses the word "whiskey" this many times in a single post.

I had a Friday Five in mind for today, but if you'll forgive me, I have more pressing matters on my mind. Namely, whisky (or whiskey). I do not drink whisky (or whiskey). I do not buy whisky (or whiskey). So when I needed to acquire whisky (or whiskey) for my retro cocktail party, I stood staring at the row of whiskys and whiskeys in the liquor store near my house and ended up choosing Dewar's, solely because I remembered it's what Meg Ryan drank in Prelude to a Kiss, and I figured if it was good enough for Meg Ryan circa 1992, it was good enough for me.

Yesterday I found myself chatting with a coworker about this retro cocktail party scheme of mine, explaining my dilemma with the whisky/ey and relaying the very sophisticated and sound decision-making method behind my purchase.

His reply? "But Dewar's is Scotch, isn't it?" And I replied, all smug and confident, "No, it said 'blended whisky,' and that's what I need: blended whisky." He shrugged, trying to be agreeable even though he was clearly suspicious and knew I was wrong.

I just looked at that label again. It does indeed say "blended whisky," but in between those words is one other word: Scotch. Blended Scotch Whisky. Dammit.

You'd think I just started drinking (or hell, reading) yesterday. What is wrong with me? But moreover, is that what was wrong with my drinks? Is that why the prototype Manhattan I made the other night tasted like battery acid? Or is a Manhattan supposed to taste like battery acid, no matter what type of whisky is involved? People, I need help on this. Do I have to go out and buy more liquor, or is shopping for whisky like shopping for so many other things, and the multiple choices for seemingly identical products are just meant to overwhelm and incapacitate us and really it's all a big conspiracy to deaden our senses so that the government can keep us from rising up?

Ahem. I may be getting away from the point. Back to it. Can I make retro drinks with Scotch whisky, or will I be mocked mercilessly by my guests if I don't remedy this? As usual, I'm sure the Internet has the answer for me.

On an unrelated note, I just whacked my skull full force into my kitchen cabinet while cleaning. First the bathroom incident and now this. Clearly I should have been born with some sort of warning label. Ouch. There is no hope for me.


lizgwiz said...

I find drinking Scotch to be like drinking drano. I did once drink a whiskey sour that I kind of liked, so...I'd probably go back to the store for some non-Scotch whiskey.

The Dutchess of Kickball said...

I know nothing about scotch and whiskey but I do know that a Manhattan is basically like drinking the blood of a sun-burnt vampire. Deathly!

Anonymous said...

I don't think I have ever had a Manhattan, so I am not sure what they taste like. The boozers in my family buy Seagram's Crown 7 Whiskey, but I think that is for 7n7s, so I am not any help. Good luck with the party (I loved the use of Rumpus Room), and I hope the nosy people find a humorous note in your shower!

3carnations said...

I've never seen Whiskey without an "e", nor do I know enough facts about whiskey to contribute something intelligent here. :)

Anonymous said...

It's like the Emperor's New Clothes. If you tell people the drink is great, they'll love it. If you admit that it's the wrong kind of whiskey, they'll be turned off. So just don't tell! And when you're done, please send me the leftover whiskey, Scotch, brandy, whatever. I prefer it straight up.

Anonymous said...

Scotch grosses the hell out of me, but I attribute that to an ill-advised drink-mixing attempt my senior year of high school, which involved Scotch and Hawaiian punch. Shudder.

Yep, go back to the store. Buy Maker's Mark this time. I'm an Ambassador for them (seriously). AND - they only use women as taste-testers of their bourbon, because they believe women have more refined palates than men. WOO!

Anonymous said...

Whiskey sans-e is the Canadian version.

Go back and get whiskey. Scotch is not so much the same thing. Take the Scotch to work, leave it in your trunk and find someone to take it off your hands. Then they'll bring you cookies or something, as a thank-you, and you'll have a) the right booze and b) sugahhhhh.

--Shana in MO

Anonymous said...

HOW did I miss the serial comma??? I feel so strongly about said serial comma, and now I'm just sitting there, without said serial comma (after trunk). I have shame. And a raging grammar neurosis. Hi again!

--Shana in MO

Aaron said...

Sadly, I probably know even less about alcohol than you, but I would like to offer the suggestion that maybe you hire someone else to clean your bathroom. At least for a while.

Whiskeymarie said...

Jameson, or Maker's Mark. That's all you need to know. Use the Dewar's to...well, we just dumped out some Dewar's we got as a gift a hundred years ago so I am not entirely sure what one does with Dewar's.

Damn. Now I want a Manhattan.

Whiskeyfully yours,

confiance said...

I'm gonna have to agree with those who have said Maker's Mark. SO GOOD.

Also, a Manhattan shouldn't taste like battery acid. I've really liked the ones I have had.

Of course, I've also never made my own.

shelleycoughlin said...

I've only recently learned the difference between whiskey and bourbon, so I am probably not the person to ask. I bet if you asked at the liquor store they would know! Or google. Google knows everything.

Stefanie said...

Liz and Dutchess--I say battery acid; you say Drano or blood of a sun-burnt vampire. Either way, I guess none of us will be becoming Manhattan-drinking girls any time soon!

Badger--You're just a wealthy of liquor-related tips this week, aren't you! :-)

3Cs--Shana's right about whisky being the Canadian spelling, but it's also the norm for whisky from Scotland, Wales, and Japan. As usual, Wikipedia can explain it to us.

Noelle--I don't know how I'd go about shipping a mostly full bottle of Dewar's, but since you once shipped a cake halfway across the country, I bet you have some tips. As an alternative, how about you just come over and I'll give it to you! :-)

Lara--Scotch and Hawaiian punch? Ew, that does sound ill-advised. Oh, the things we were foolish enough to drink when we were children...

Shana--I don't know that I want to give my co-workers a full bottle of liquor, but I do have an extra cheeseball from the party that I might decide to be generous and share.

Aaron--And to clean my kitchen, too, right? Or maybe I just won't clean anymore. That's a plan that can't fail, right?

WM and Confiance--OK, that's three votes for Maker's Mark, so that's what I went out and bought. Unfortunately, between the Tom Collins and the Sidecar and whatever else I had mixed up for me that night, I never got around to trying it. Someday. (Not any day soon, as after that party I don't want to look at alcohol again for quite some time, but I'm sure eventually I'll be able to think about cocktails again.)

NPW--Google DOES know everything. Sometimes it's just more fun to ask you guys, though. :-)

Anonymous said...

I'm glad the party was fun! I don't know anything about whiskey, so I would not have been able to help even if I had commented in a timely manner.

L Sass said...


I am glad I am reading this after the party went of as a success, because I got nothin'. I stick to a safe repertoire of wine, beer and vodka. For good reason!