Tuesday, January 06, 2009

Of course, to be considered for membership, I'll probably need a cat.

Well now see that? There I go again. Has it been a week already? Let's see. What have I done in the past several days, aside from not click that "New Post" button, obviously? Well, I attended two parties, one decidedly fabulous and the other not quite so much. One was a New Year's Eve party hosted by my good friend Carrie and financed by Food Buzz. (What's better than a party with all your friends? A party with all your friends, paid for by someone else!) The other was a retirement party for my mother, a potluck affair held in the basement of my parents' church. Are you having trouble guessing which one was the more fabulous affair? Well good, because even though as far as I know, my parents will never read this, I still feel a wee bit guilty implying that party wasn't the event of the year. No offense to my mother or her fellow parishioners, of course. But when you consider that one event involved well-crafted cocktails with specialty infused vodka and the other involved driving 11 hours round-trip on ice-covered roads (a mere week after making that same trip for Christmas, mind you), I don't think a fair comparison is possible.

What else have I done? Well, I finished my friend Lisa's baby shower gift, six full days before the shower. This might not be notable, if not for the decidedly weak track record I've built where hand-made gifts are concerned. Lisa and her husband's wedding afghan, for instance? Presented three and a half months after the ceremony. My friend Carrie's felted messenger bag? Still sitting on my dryer, lining-less and strap-less, four long months after her birthday. Oh, and then there's the pair of socks a dear friend who no longer reads this blog requested when I first told him I learned to knit socks. He does not know that he's still getting them, but I assure you, they are on the needles and are now half-done. He should receive them just in time to pack them for his move back to LA. As in, California. You know, where wool socks are totally useful. Sigh. Photos of Lisa's baby shower gift will be in this Flickr set shortly, by the way. Can't go ruining the surprise on the off chance that she actually pops in here in the next few days. I promise you, though, it is adorable. Lisa, you damn well better like it, I say.

Speaking of baby showers and wedding gifts and the like, our friend Flurrious has a cause I need to get behind. Well, actually, her cause labels me middle-aged and aims, primarily, to get herself a free Prius, but as usual, I am taking the idea and running with it in a way more beneficial to ME. What cause is this? I'll let the badge Flurrious created for us tell you.

Spinster Bloggers Unite!

As it turns out, I'm not so much riddled with the expendable income, making me maybe not the best target for Toyota's future Flurrious-centered marketing campaign. I would, however, like free stuff. While I know that showering the mergers and the breeders with gifts is a social convention it's not up to me to unseat, I can't help feeling a wee bit cheated when I add up all the bridal shower gifts and wedding gifts and baby gifts I've purchased for all my married friends over the years with no hope of gift reciprocity in return. I love these friends dearly, of course, but when will somebody throw me a party to celebrate my life path? When do I get to create a registry at Target and Crate & Barrel to replace my worn linens and warped skillets and finally acquire a damn crock pot? Mark my words, friends. The spinster shower and gift registry is an idea whose time has come. Yes, yes, I realize it is an idea whose time came when Carrie Bradshaw mentioned it somewhere around nine years ago, but my life is feeling more and more like a bad, cliched sitcom lately, so my proclaiming it now is only in keeping with a theme. Barring this spinster shower plan, however, free gifts from corporate sponsors sounds like an excellent scheme on which I'd like in. Flurrious, I trust you'll keep me posted on your progress on this front, correct? I thought so. Thank you.

22 comments:

MplsMel said...

It is 48 degrees in San Diego right now. Perfect sock weather. Coincidentally, I am also knitting a pair of socks for my mom in Florida. In my opinion, hand knitted socks could be used anywhere :).

steve said...

When you figure out the spinster gift thing, please let me know so I can somehow figure out how to apply it to bachelor types like myself. I've forked over plenty of gifts for the mergers and breeders, I deserve a slice too.

I must respectfully disagree with Mel's previous comment - If you're a guy, wool socks in LA is a tough sell. Nobody likes sweaty feet.

3carnations said...

Maybe I don't qualify, as I've received both wedding and baby gifts, but I want to be showered by gifts from corporate sponsors, too. Shocking that no one has found my little blog as a way to promote their product and give it to me. Oh well. I'm sure my time is coming...But in the mean time, I'll keep my day job (if I can in this economy).

nancypearlwannabe said...

Not to rain on your parade, of course, but you and flurrious might want to consider another car maker, since Toyota recently stated that their sales are so low they're closing shop for 11 days next month just to keep afloat. What about Honda? They seem to be doing okay...

Start registering your gifts now because you know as soon as you have your Spinster Shower you will find a boyfriend but you will have already cashed in!

Jess said...

This reminds me of that episode of Sex and the City. I'm sorry! But it's true. The one where Carrie registers for Manolos because hers get stolen when her married friend made her take them off?

lizgwiz said...

npw is exactly right, if cheesy television movies are to be believed. Among the many, MANY bad movies I watched during the holiday season, one involved a woman declaring her intention to marry herself. Not for the gifts, of course, blah, blah...but the story ended up going national, she was flooded with gifts and then, OF COURSE, she met the man of her dreams.

Let's try it! At the very least, we get some nice flatware, right? ;)

Carrie said...

Potluck party in the basement of a church! That cracked me up. Or wait, maybe we now have the theme for our next party.

flurrious said...

So far, the response has been underwhelming. Not one Toyota flunky has contacted me with any offers. Remember the time I mentioned Taylor Hicks on my blog and dozens of his fans descended on me with their weird emails and comments and invitations to show me their scrapbooks? Why can't Toyota employ someone with that kind of work ethic in their marketing department?

Stefanie said...

Mel--I suppose you're right; they can be used anywhere. Just maybe not used for keeping cold feet warm.

Steve--I would argue that you probably haven't purchased as many gifts as I have (seeing as men typically have to buy only wedding gifts and not shower gifts). Perhaps there is a way to cut you in at a lower level, however. ;-)

3Cs--Sorry but no, you don't qualify for the spinster group. You should be raking in those mommy blogger benefits, though!

NPW--True. A Civic hybrid would be fine with me as well.

Jess--See, I knew someone would remember and mention that, which is why I had to acknowledge the unoriginality of the idea in that final paragraph. :-)

Liz--I really don't think that finding a husband later should preclude the spinster gifts. I mean, when someone gets divorced, they don't have to return the wedding gifts, right? And if they get remarried, they get to register again! If THAT is fair and acceptable, surely this is, too.

Carrie--Sure. We'll just have to find a church basement to use. I'll start looking for casserole and jello salad recipes now...

Flurrious--Well, to be fair, the Taylor Hicks fans didn't offer you a free car, did they? I still say keep working on this, however.

3carnations said...

No one seems to recognize me as a legitimate mommy blogger. Still waiting for Fisher Price and Hasbro to come knocking at my door (or mailbox).

Alice said...

huh. i have TWO cats. do i even need to sign up, or was my name automatically on the spinster list? ;-P

Courtney said...

As I read this, I was thinking, "Wasn't that a SATC episode ..." It was a good idea then, and it's a good idea now. A Prius (or any other car, really) would be nice, but you may want to also angle for a $400 pair of Manolos. Carrie would have (and did, if I recall correctly.) Just don't start spouting off bad puns and saying, "I couldn't help but wonder..." all the time, OK?

Noelle said...

I LOVE that idea. I would totally register at SwimOutlet.com. Embrace the spinster!

And I don't care how long you're gone, I'm just happy when you come back.

Allie said...

On of my good friends says that since any idiot can get married she only gives cards at weddings. If the couple lasts five years, then she sends them a toaster. :)

I happened to notice that you've been blogging for 5 years. I think your marriage of sorts to the internets totally deserves a toaster.

Miss Pants said...

I'm afraid you might have to arm wrestle me for the title of latest handmade gift giver. I AM HORRIBLE at this. Meh.

Sorry about the gift registry blues...I know what you mean. If I weren't broke, I would totally send you a crock pot. (BTW, my gift registry dream, aside from matching dishes, is a Kitchen Aid Mixer. AHHHH!)

Whiskeymarie said...

I have cashed in on the whole "married" thing, but as I am not having children, I'm wondering if I can have a shower celebrating my cats.

I love the idea of the Spinster Shower. Mostly because I like giving gifts and single women are more fun to buy for than children, whom I know absolutely nothing about. If I were a company I would sponser y'all for this.

Mickey said...

Despite your unhurried timeline, you are apparently quite the knitter.

And I'm still reading, so I guess it's not me getting some socks.

babs said...

I still love your blog and your commenters. And I'm totally going to start using the phrase "mergers and breeders" Bravo!

3carnations said...

I just asked this on Twitter, but since you have yet to succumb to Twitter mania, I will ask you personally - How hard is it to knit? Someone tried to teach me to crochet about 10 years ago and it didn't work out...All the knitting projects I see posted are so darn cute. Can an uncoordinated person learn how?

Aaron said...

Oh this is fun! This is my first time commenting on your blog, Stef.

I promise that if/when I merge or if/when I breed that at least half of the gift registry will be to promote donations to a better cause than a gift for us/me. I don't get it. I would feel so dirty going around a store such as Crate and Barrel, Target, Macys and pointing a gun at items that I want people to buy for me. NO WAY, not for me.

Red said...

If you have that party, I'm on Expedia five minutes later booking my flight!

Stefanie said...

Alice--Sorry; I'm not sure you're actually old enough yet to be considered a spinster. We'll keep you on the mailing list, but give it a few more years, OK? :-)

Courtney--I have no interest in the Manolos, but I'd be happy to spend $400 of someone else's money on several different pairs of less ridiculously priced shoes!

Noelle--Have you seen the "modest swimwear" on that site? I know I'm not supposed to laugh, but somehow I found those amusing anyway. I'm sure that's not what you were going to register for.

Allie--Ha. I love that idea. Alas, I've actually been blogging only just shy of four years. I guess it spans five calendar years in the sidebar, though.

Pants--Oh, I would love a Kitchen Aid mixer, too. Unfortunately, I'd need some more counter or cabinet space first. Maybe I can register for that as well.

WM--We're TOTALLY more fun to buy for, aren't we? For example, you could totally bring a bottle of vodka as a gift at a spinster shower. Can you say the same of a baby shower? I think not.

Mickey--Why thank you. Now I almost feel bad that I'm not making you any socks.

Babs--Hey! You're still here? Happy to see you. :-) Feel free to take that phrase and run with it. Maybe it'll catch on, similar to Bridget Jones's "singletons" and "smug marrieds."

3Cs--Hmm. I don't know how to answer that. I'm about as uncoordinated as a person can be, and I don't have issues with knitting... My uncoordination is typically when I'm upright and moving, though. Sitting down holding two sticks isn't a problem. I could try to teach you to knit, but that would involve actually meeting you in person, and we all know THAT's not going to happen! ;-)

Aaron--You are hilarious, my friend. Thanks so much for popping in! :-) Come back any time.

Red--Yay! Now I want to have the party just to get Red to visit!