Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Actually, I'm more a lazy bum than a hobo, but it's all semantics, I suppose

Right. So. No one cares what I had for lunch. Want to hear about what I didn't have for lunch? What I didn't have was the can of chicken vegetable soup I brought to work with me. Why? Not because I forgot to bring a can opener (nope; that's what those handy ring-tab pull-tops are for). Not even because I didn't have a spoon. I actually brought a spoon from home because all I keep at my desk is a teaspoon, and I like to ladle my soup out with something more substantial. (What? If you think that's strange, you should visit a restaurant with my dad sometime and watch as he pulls a spoon from home out of his jacket pocket because he apparently finds restaurant spoons inadequate. He prefers those flat-bottomed Chinese spoons that they give you at sushi places along with your miso soup, and he carries one with him presumably at all times for this purpose. I am not making this up. I am, however, on a rambly sort of tangent and am stuck in seemingly perpetual parentheses. Moving on.)

Anyway, the can opener was not the problem; the spoon was not the problem. The problem was I didn't bring a bowl with me in which to heat this soup. What did I think I was going to do with it? Pretend it was gazpacho and drink it cold? Start a fire out back and stick the whole can in, like some modern, urban hobo?

Actually, considering the rednecks next door have a burning barrel in the lot behind my office, and considering I was raised by a man who carries utensils in his clothing, maybe "urban hobo" isn't really such a stretch. Hmm.

6 comments:

Darren McLikeshimself said...

Gazpacho?! Go back to Russia!

David said...

A very funny post. Thanks for sharing.

stefanie said...

I really wish I would have gotten that reference without having to Google it, Darren. I was like, "Russia? Isn't Gazpacho Spanish? What's he talking about?" And then my friend Wikipedia explained it to me.

I'm so ashamed. I totally should have known that. Darren-1, Stefanie-0.

nabbalicious said...

Sigh. I really need to get caught up on "The Simpsons." I hate not getting the references!

Luckily, or not, I work with a bunch of slobs who leave their dishes behind. If I'm ever in need of a bowl, I'll grab one, clean it out with scaling hot water and enjoy my meal.

-R- said...

And I thought my friend's dad, who carries a tiny first aid kit with him at all times, was nerdy. I love that your dad has a travel spoon!

3carnations said...

My former neighbor brings plastic utensils to restaurants, because he thinks the restaurant ones are unclean. He comes unglued if his drink is given to him with the straw already in it. All these concerns about unsanitary conditions, but the guy has a dozen tattoos...Apparently the ink is sanitary.