Friday, February 23, 2007

Friday Five, or, more evidence that I could probably use some new hobbies

Despite possible evidence to the contrary (see: sidebar category and multiple posts devoted solely to bizarre search engine hits), I really don't think I check my blog stats in Sitemeter all that obsessively. Or, if I do, it is not over any true concern about the numbers but because of a paranoid need to see where people are coming from and to possibly identify any suspicious activity that may be attributed to family members, co-workers, or prospective meMarmony dates lurking on my blog.

Moreover, however, I check my stats just because there is so damn much amusing stuff in there. Here are five examples--five things in my Sitemeter listings that have entertained me of late.

  1. The fact that someone recently visited my blog from a company called [some name I forget] Nationwide Ho Network. I had no idea there was a nationwide Ho Network... Do you suppose it's a union or benefits plan, or more like some sort of support group?

  2. The frequency with which I see search engine hits for phrases such as "stowaway gecko Jamaica" and "brought gecko home in suitcase." Apparently this happens far more often than I realized. Nice to know it's not just me.

  3. The number of people out there trying to remember the name of the sitcom where Evie the half-alien girl stopped time by touching her fingertips together. A tip for everyone searching for this: it was called Out of This World. Now, could someone please tell me if this show's made some sort of resurgence across the pond? Because a whole lot of you looking for this are in Great Britain, which makes it even more puzzling to me.

  4. The growing evidence that Google is, in fact the new Magic 8 Ball. It's almost sad, actually, thinking of all the lonely, broken-hearted people out there, turning to their computer for the answers no computer can provide. "First date he didn't call," they type. Or "What does it mean when he says he just wants to be friends?" Some type simple but agonizing questions, like, "Should I cut my hair?" I am not an authority on any of these matters, and I'm guessing Google is not either, but I am sort of fascinated by the idea of tossing life's most nagging questions out there to the Internet for comfort or solace.

  5. The number of regular readers I have in Ohio. I don't know anyone in Ohio, and yet, there you all are! I have actually been thinking that if I ever decide to add a tag line on my masthead, one of the front-runners for said tag line will surely be, "I'm big in Ohio." Anyway, here's a friendly shout-out to Ohio. Hello, whoever you all are!


3carnations said...

I don't get all that many google searches on my blog, but they are amusing when they do pop up. The only searches I've had pop up more than once are "Nachos receipt" and "Wiggles ornament". I wonder what people are so desperate to know about a nachos receipt?

lizgwiz said...

In my stats, I find quite a few people googling bits of the Snickers ad song I made mention of once--you know, the prancing nougat in the meadow, etc. To what end, I don't know, but google it they do.

I also get lots of hits for "warlord Doberman" and "Doberman/Shepherd mix." Pudge would be so proud.

-R- said...

I get those Magic 8ball questions too. Weird. I think I am confusing "Small Wonder" and "Out of This World." I am not sure that I have ever seen the latter. Not that I'm worried about it.

3carnations said...

This has to be a joke...Or maybe someone who read my comment on here...But within hours of leaving that comment, someone else found me by "nachos receipt". I'm #2 in that search...What the heck?

Simone said...

I would have never remembered Out of this World if I hadn't just read about it in your blog. Thanks for that.

Meredith said...

I am an Ohio reader! I wish I knew how I found you to explain this, but I have no clue. I love Friday Fives, though!

stefanie said...

Liz--Warlord Doberman? That is awesome indeed.

R--Silly girl, let me clear this up for you. "Small Wonder" was the one with Vicky the robot child (who had a very annoying human brother, named... Jamie, I think?). "Out of this World" was about a teenaged girl with an alien father (voiced by Burt Reynolds), who she talked to through a glowing translucent cube-like thing. Got it?

3Cs--That is too funny. If you want, I can compare the ISP on that hit to see if the same person was on my blog this afternoon! ;-) Indeed, I have no idea why people are so concerned about their nachos receipt.

Incidentally, my top most popular search engine hit (the one I get at least 20 hits a week for) is one I will not type again here, because more mentions of it will just keep me at the top of the search results for it. I will just say there is a character on a kids' show with the same first name as mine, and everybody seems to want to know about her.

stefanie said...

Whoops, Simone and Meredith, you slipped through while I was typing!

Simone--Glad to bring that rushing back to you. I just saw Maureen Flana-something-or-other (who played Evie) in a movie on Lifetime recently, and it made me smile because I had forgotten all about her.

Meredith--Hello! Happy de-lurk day! :-) I think most of the Ohio people came to me through Darren's blog, so perhaps you're one of those? And perhaps I should say Darren's big in Ohio, instead of me!

Anonymous said...

Hello from Columbus, Ohio!

don't call me MA'AM said...

...growing evidence that Google is, in fact the new Magic 8 Ball...

Amen to that! I can't believe what people are typing into Google for "advice" nowadays! My personal faves that bring them to my site:

"I'm so grumpy all the time"
"Help me not to be a frump"

and my personal favorite:
"What should I do about milky pee?"

Oh, well. At least the Mr. Hanky searches are slowing down a bit.

Great Friday Five!!

Anniina said...

Okay, so after seeing some of the funny searches through which people end up on your site (my fave had to be the "I'd rather be kissing Stefanie..." from some weeks ago) I decided to add sitemeter too. But here's the thing - I can't figure out how to see the search queries that bring people. Am I being dense, or is it maybe that nobody has ended up there through Google search yet? What's that option called? I've so-far learned, that while people in Ohio don't really care about me, for some reason I'm huge in China! LOL! I've no idea why?

Sorry for asking for tech support. , but much obliged :)

stefanie said...

Hello back at you, Gecko! Thanks for commenting! :-)

DCMM--Ewww. And of course, now that you have typed that in my comments, people will end up coming HERE for info about milky pee as well. So thanks for that. ;-)

Anniina--No problem. Assuming you are using Sitemeter specifically (which is the only stat tracker I'm familiar with), there are a couple ways to find this. First, when you're looking at the list of visitors in "By Details" view, you can click the visitor number in the "Detail" column to bring up all stats on that visit. If the "Referring URL" is a search engine, two fields should show up below that, listing what search engine and search terms were used.

A quicker way to find all search engine hits at once is to pick the "By Referrals" view (in the left nav. bar). For any hit in the list that's a search engine, rest your mouse pointer over it to see the search terms at the end of the big long URL (or click the URL to do the search yourself to see the results).

Hope that made sense!

georgeious said...

well, i can tell you that i found you through liz, and i'm not in ohio, but i am from oklahoma. does beginning with the letter O have any effect on your sitemeter? ;)

there was a time when i would "ask jeeves" to tell me what to do with my life on a regular basis: what color should i dye my hair? why are people so freaking mean? is a twinkie healthier than a cupcake? jeeves always has advice for you when all of your friends are at work or asleep.

metalia said...

You have no idea how many hits I get from people agonizing about whether they should get long/side sweeping bangs.

More disturbing, however, is the latest cluster of searches I've been getting for "crapped my knickers" and his kinky cousin, "crapped my leather knickers."

Dear God, WHY?!

Anniina said...

Hey Stefanie,

Thanks, that cleared it up - no odd searches yet, but will keep a beady eye out on it. I can understand that Metalia would get the bangs query since she agonized over it for a while, but leather knickers? Was there a post I missed someplace? weeeeeird!

Blitz Krieg said...

Howdy from Cincinnati Ohio. I love my google search readers, they are the oddest folks.

Red said...

I say you start an advice column for all those "first date he didn't call"ers. They're crying out for help, Stef!

stefanie said...

Georgious--Hello to another "O" state! :-) Ha. I have never asked Jeeves directly for advice, but I am starting to think it is a worthwhile trend...

Metalia--I will be sure to let you know if those freaks start coming here now. Thanks.

Anniina--Yeah, I kind of don't want to know either. ;-)

Blitz Krieg--Hello! Thank you for outing yourself as another Ohio reader! Glad to have you here. :-)

Red--Oh, if I knew what to tell those people, I probably wouldn't still be single myself. Not that infallible wisdom is really a requirement for advice columnists, is it? Hmmm... you may be on to something.

Single Jen said...

I think it's time I get a new stat counter-thingy. I'm such a freshman blogger.
I need to find out if I've got any stalkers.

Hell, maybe they're hot.

Darren McLikeshimself said...

I get people searching for "Dale Midkiff shirtless" all the time.

And now you will too.

Erikka said...

Hi! I'm new. How do you find out all that info from your site meter? I barely know how to use mine. Help!

Stefanie said...

Erikka--Hi yourself! I don't know if you'll come back to this post for an answer, but I like to help, so I shall answer anyway. :-)

In Sitemeter, on the left side of the screen is a "By Referrals" view. Click that, and you'll see a list of all your recent visitors by where they came from. If they came in through a link on someone else's site, it says that site. If they typed in your blog address manually or used a bookmark, it says "unknown." If they came in through a search engine, there's a big long URL that starts with the name of the search engine (usually, of course) and ends with the search terms the person used. You might need to rest your mouse pointer over it to see the search term at the end.

If you can't tell the search term from that big long URL, you can click the address to open the same search yourself and see what's in the search box at that search engine.

Hope that helps!