Wednesday, August 08, 2007

Class of '92, Where Are You?

My fifteen-year high school class reunion is next month. Fifteen years. My word; I really don't feel old enough for that. Shouldn't I have Mom-hair and be wearing comfort sandals by this point? Oh. Right. Many of the moms I know have hipper hair than I do, and I am unshakably in love with my disgustingly worn-out Birkenstocks. Plus, I just said "My word." Point taken.

In any case, I will not be going to the reunion. I have attended exactly one of my reunions thus far: the five year, and based on that one experience, I don't feel I'll be missing anything if I skip every remaining one. True, few things in life are as pointless as a five-year high school reunion, so I suppose I didn't really expect a huge turnout, and true, we did always have a rather small and extremely apathetic class. You know how at pep rallies, each class gathers in the bleachers and takes its turn shouting out a cheer in unison? (That wasn't just at my school, was it? You guys did that too?) Anyway, more than once, my class's section of the bleachers was entirely silent for our turn. Silent. We're not big on participation in the class of '92.

The night of our five-year reunion, the Class of 1947 was gathered in another room at the same supper club, celebrating their 50-year reunion. The cook who my friend Dale and I both remembered from our days as dishwashers at that restaurant informed us that they had more alumni in attendance than we did. He was embarrassed on our behalf; I was actually amused at how well in keeping with our class's history our meager turnout was.

I can't imagine the crowd at the 15-year reunion will be much bigger than the one at the five-year, and I have an even harder time imagining that any of the very few people I would actually enjoy catching up with again will decide to be there. Besides that, I prefer surprise one-on-one encounters with old high school friends anyway... like when I ran into my formerly good friend at the Andrew Bird show, or when I saw my first maybe-boyfriend working in the emergency room when my dad had a minor stroke.*

Not only am I not going to the reunion, but I am being doubly standoffish and nonparticipatory and not filling out the "Directory Questionnaire" that the reunion organizers sent me. It's not that I am above complying with a simple and painless request, but I truly have a hard time believing that any of my former classmates would care about my answers to these questions any more than I care about theirs. I mean, really...

Name: Stefanie [LastName]

___ Yes
___ No
_x_ Sometimes in my pretend life

If yes, name of [sometimes] spouse: Paul Rudd. (You may have heard of him.)
Number of years married: Oh, several, off and on. With a love like ours, it's hard to keep track.

___ Yes
___ No
_x_ Do plants and dust-bunnies count?

Occupation(s): Writing things that no one reads.

(Note: I love the parenthetical inclusion of the plural, by the way. It is "fantastic" to work three jobs, after all. "Uniquely American", isn't it?)

Hobbies: Knitting, reading, drinking, spending time with friends real and imaginary, burning through my Netflix list, and posting fascinating details about myself on the Internet.

Future Plans:
More knitting, more reading, most certainly more drinking, more friendships and movies, and inevitably more oversharing on the Internet.

Most Memorable Moment from High School: Oh, how to choose just one... The time the love of my 14-year-old life kissed my best friend right in front of me? The time I assembled a motley crew of sophomore girls who didn't like each other (or me) for a Sweet 16 rollerskating party? How about when Mr. Linnabary announced to my entire gym class that I was a lousy doubles partner? Or when I asked the love of my 17-year-old life to the prom and he responded, "Can I say maybe?" Oh no; I've got it--the time my supposed friend told our Economics teacher that I thought he was insufferably rude, and when he confronted me about it, I backpedaled by trying to contrast him with our much friendlier History teacher, who as a result probably still thinks I had a crush on him. (I did not. No sir.) Good times.

Biggest Accomplishment Since Graduation: Um, I suppose "moving out of that town" would be too harsh? Indeed, it would be. It is actually a fine place if you like small-town life, and I know several very nice and smart people who still live there. So, uh, I guess I'll go with "Bought my own house"? "Graduated from college"? "Went to Europe"? "Finally fell in (and unfortunately also out of) love"? "Mastered the perfect chocolate chip cookie"? I could go in all sort of directions with this, I guess.

Most Embarrassing Moment in High School: I actually have several I'd rather not relive, and nearly all of them involve gym class. Andy C. might actually still have a bump on his head from where I pegged him with a softball, and I'm pretty sure I've not picked up a racket of any kind since the 11th grade.

One Thing That Your Classmates Do Not Know About You: Even in light of the extra ten pounds I've been carrying lately, I am still thinner and weigh less than I did in high school. Suck it, Amy Westermeyer.**

Would you be interested in working with the 20th year reunion committee?
___ Yes
___ No
_x_ Hell no.

So. I will not be sending that in, and I will not be paying $6.50 for a booklet containing the answers likely only seven other people sent in (apathetic and non-participatory class, remember?). Also, I will not be enjoying chicken and ham ("plus fixings") catered by the local Piggly Wiggly. And finally, perhaps most importantly, I will not be spending an evening wearing a name tag undoubtedly bearing this picture. No, I will save that for the Internet, of course.


He's fine... or, as fine as the crazy old man he's become can be, anyway.

** There
actually was no Amy Westermeyer in my class, but since I'd rather none of my former classmates vanity-Google their way here, I am creating a hybrid name from two prom court bitches I harbor particularly ill memories of. Kristen Kamman or Jody Dickrell would work equally well here.


beingmccrary said...

That cracked me up! Your answers to the questionaire....hilarious!

sognatrice said...

You think your class is apathetic? We didn't have a five or ten year reunion (I'm Class of '94).

I'm thinking we're just all happy to have gone our separate ways by now, although I wouldn't mind a crack at a questionnaire. That'd probably mean I'd have to make one up, though, and that'd require, well, effort.

Perhaps I'll just blog your questionnaire instead.

Loved your answers, particularly the footnote about "Amy" mostly because you named someone "Dickrell." You funny.

3carnations said...

Based on your bangs, I have confirmation that we are the same age, as those were my senior year bangs as well...Except when I got it wrong, and my tidal wave went backwards, making it hopelessly uncool...which was most of the time. :)

melissa said...

Hehehehe..."prom court bitches." I love it!! I've got a few of those in my tickle trunk of a past I'd rather forget!!
And those are excellent answers to the questionnaire.

-R- said...

Oh my gosh. You did not just post your senior picture. That is awesome.

I love the questionnaire, but I'm wondering why your marriage with Paul has been so rocky. It's nice that you two always get back together though.

Finally, I clicked the link related to your skills as a doubles partner, and I think that is my new favorite post by you. I laughed out loud on the bus while reading.

stefanie said...

BMC--Thanks. Somehow I doubt the reunion committee would be as amused.

Sognatrice--I didn't even make up that name; I just used one girl's first name with another girl's last name. Now I REALLY hope she doesn't Google her way here! :-)

3Cs--My favorite was the people with the super high tidal wave (or "the wall," as I called it), who apparently never checked out their hair from the back to see how ridiculous it looked.

Melissa--The good news is I nearly HAVE forgotten them. I consulted the picture in the yearbook to make sure I remembered exactly who was in that group.

R--That was a long post. Glad I gave you some amusing bus reading. Oh, and don't worry about me and Paul. I'm sure we'll work it out.

lizgwiz said...

I would pay money to have you actually send that in. Seriously--I'll send you $1. What, that isn't enough?

I actually went to my 10-year (which was oh, so many years ago now) and had a pretty good time. Mostly because I looked REALLY good that summer, and I wanted to rub it in the noses of all the guys who ignored me in high school. Mission accomplished. I haven't been to any others, though...I don't currently have anything to rub. Sigh.

nabbalicious said...

Seriously, you must send that in.

I refuse to attend any of my reunions, as well. My school had the ten year in 2001 and I saw the pictures on You know how the yearbook "features" the same people over and over and over? Yeah, not much has changed.

Darren said...

You are brave, my friend. I don't think even I posted a photo of my high school self on my blog, and have no shame.

Paisley said...

Holy shneikes (sp?)- FIFTEEN YEAR REUNION!

You just burst my bubble of, "Hey, I'm not really getting old!" Especially when I sat down in the hair stylist's chair yesterday and realized that not only do I look frumpy and OLD and am overweight (ok I made a human. how long can I use that?) but I looked like a MOM.

And now, I will add FIFTEEN YEARS to my list.

My 10 year was so freaking lame that I am not going again for a very, very long time. But because I am curious, I will shell out the dough for the booklet. Our class was so lame that they hired an organizing group to plan our reunion and there isn't even one this year.

Comin' Through In '92!

Anna said...

It's so funny that I came across your post, because I just had dinner with some friends from high school the other night who I rarely ever see (we are class of '92 as well!) and the subject of reunions came up. We didn't have a 5 year and none of us went to the 10 year. There are certainly people I want to see again and catch up with, but they probably wouldn't be at the reunion either. So what's the point? The whole thing just seems awkward.

Anyway, one of my friends said "When you look back at pictures of us from high school don't you think we looked so young?" And I said "I think, 'Why didn't somebody tell me about eyebrow waxing?'" Seeing your picture brought that to mind again, and if I had any of my senior photos scanned I would share so we could commiserate!

The Other Girl said...

Oh my god, I love yearbook pictures. Especially the ones like yours where they pose you at that weird angle, as though you're trying to sneak into the frame.

Whiskeymarie said...

For some reason I can't find any of my grad pics. Maybe I burned them in a blind rage or something. I'll post one if I ever find them.

I agree- you really should send that in. Really. What do you have to lose?
Bah! Dignity, schmignity.

metalia said...

I, for one, selfishly wish you'd go to the reunion, if only for the infinite blogging fodder such an event is bound to provide.

Also, the name Dickrell strikes me as particularly hilarious. Perhaps because I am 5.

nancypearlwannabe said...

Yes, you totally need to go, just so you can report back to us. If you do, I'll even consider going to my high school 11 year reunion this year (that's right- we didn't have a 10 year. We do things a little differently in New Hampshire), despite my extreme reluctance.

stefanie said...

Sorry to disappoint you people, but I am NOT GOING. ;-) If I suffer a head injury or something and change my mind, I'll be sure to let you know.

TOG & Darren--Are you saying I should be embarrassed about that picture? Because I'm totally not. I look hot, damnit. That hair style totally stood the test of time. :-)

And Anna--What's wrong with my eyebrows?? ;-)


TOO CUTE!! I love it that you posted your high school picture!!! :-)

I went to my 10-year high school reunion a few years back. I can honestly say that it was one of the oddest moments in my life. Wouldn't re-live it it you paid me too. Nevertheless, I still plan to go to future reunions.

guinness girl said...

Pretty please, tell me that you decided to send in the reunion questionnaire precisely as it is posted here. Please.

Poppy Cede said...

Stef, I went to my 13th year reunion and it sucked ass. I'm glad you're being smarter.