Friday, October 12, 2007

More proof that nothing good has ever followed the words "We need to talk"

A few days ago, I left a comment on another blog that made 3Carnations respond, "Whoa! You have been holding out on us!" (No, I am not telling you which blog it was. No, it is not in my sidebar. And it's not in 3C's, either, so no sense looking there.)

Yes, Internets, I have been holding out on you. There was a boy. And now there is not a boy. And I don't really want to tell you a whole lot more about it than that, for various good reasons that I also don't want to share. All that really matters is that it didn't feel right. People always say to trust your gut, and mine was telling me that this wasn't the one. Maybe it was my fault. Maybe it was no one's fault. Maybe I'm being even more gunshy and cryptic than I otherwise would be because I'm not entirely sure he's not going to read this.

I feel bad about a lot of things at the moment, and not the least of those things is that I ended it at the library. And not just any library, but the brand-new, shiny downtown library. If breaking up with someone at the library is like breaking up with someone at church (the library being my version of a sacred place, of course), then breaking up at that library is like breaking up at St. Patrick's Cathedral. If it makes any difference, it actually happened in the coffee shop on the main floor of the library and not in the library proper. Maybe that's more like breaking up in the church basement.

In any case, thinking about that made me think about where and how all my other relationships (or, brief attempts at relationships) have ended, and since it is Friday, you know that means I'm going to tell you about them in five-point form.

  1. The last time I dated someone for any length of time ("any length" in this case meaning four to six weeks) was last winter. I knew I was not excited enough about him when I realized I would rather spend a Saturday night home alone hooking up my new scanner than spend another evening with him. I would like to say I did the mature thing and saw him one more time to tell him in person, but that, frankly, would be a lie. I would further like to say that I told him directly, over the phone, in real-time, but unfortunately that would be untrue too. Yes, I cut him loose via email, like the digital age girl I am. In my defense, I actually tried to start the conversation via telephone, but aborted that plan when I realized he was at a friend's house with several people very nearby. And at that point, he already knew something was up, so I decided to just log in and continue my thought online. In my defense, if what goes around comes around, it was only my rightful payback for #2.

  2. Kris was a dumbass. I knew this, really. I knew he was immature and unmotivated and had no intention of really staying with me. Still, I did not expect him to end a two-and-a-half month relationship by simply never calling me again. I also did not expect that he would do so after the first (and obviously only) night we ever ended up sans-clothes together. Sometimes you get what you don't expect. At least I didn't get anything worse from him.

  3. The last guy to legitimately hold the "boyfriend" title for me was the one who started the curse I wrote about a while ago. I remain convinced that despite its 4.5-star review, nothing good ever happens at this bar. Go ahead and try to prove me wrong on that.

  4. Jimmy was my most amicable breakup to date. You may have read about him before, as I've linked to this story more than once. We broke up on his porch swing on a sweaty summer night. I still think about it every time I drive down that street.

  5. And finally, there was this guy. You know--the semicolon stealer? That ended on Dayton Avenue in St. Paul, on the sidewalk outside my friend's condo. Strangely, I ended that after what was our best date ever. Unfortunately, it was our best date because it was a double-date, meaning I had two other people to help me avoid strained small talky conversation with the guy. If they could have gone with us on all future dates, perhaps it could have worked out. As I do not live in Utah, however, I figured it was best to let him go.

So tell me. What about you? Where's the worst (or best) place you've broken up?


Jess said...

My high school boyfriend of a year and a half broke up with me in an email. It was the worst ever.

The best, or at least the easiest, was when we never exactly broke up but we just sort of mutually grew apart until it was accepted that we weren't together anymore.

nabbalicious said...

The worst breakup? I suppose in terms of painfulness, it was Nick. He went to Seattle over the summer to live with his mom (we were in college). I wrote letters, sent cards, including one of the Hotel deVille. He finally wrote back, breaking up with me, and as a parting shot wrote, "I like that card you sent. My ex-girlfriend sent me one just like it once."

It still stings. Blah.

abbersnail said...

The stories are fairly endless, really. Alas, they aren't breakup stories. Instead, they are stories over which I should have broken up with the infamous J. One day, I will share. They are fairly epic. Until then... yeah.

The Other Girl said...

I can't really remember the break-ups. I'm sure there must have been a lot, given that I don't appear to have a husband, but the actual ends of the relationships don't stick in my head. However, I do remember that, as with you and your scanner, I knew I had to break up with my very first boyfriend when I realized that when I was out with him, I couldn't wait to get home and do my calculus homework.

Jarod said...

Actually, it sounds like you are smart about recognizing unsatisfying relationships, and promptly ending them (scanner clue, etc). A lot of people seem to drag them on and on, which is silly my opinion. I am sort of picky about who I date anyway. Why subject yourself to anything less than an excellent person?

nancypearlwannabe said...

I will admit that mine have mostly been over the phone, which is unfortunate. I am terrible at confrontation. Which is probably why almost all my relationships have been looong, even when they shouldn't have been.

So, props to you for recognizing when you're not happy and doing something about it!

-R- said...

I broke up with a guy on the phone when he was surrounded by his friends. In my defense, when I realized his friends were there, I told him I'd call him back (having not yet dumped him), but he asked if I was calling to break up, and I said yes. I still feel bad about this, and it was 10 years ago.

Anonymous said...

I had one of those "we have to talk" talks in a mall food court. But the classiest was when my boyfiend (typo, but kind of an awesome one) of more than a year blindsided me by breaking up at a Fazoli's. A FAZOLI'S.

-renee from GA

Meredith said...

My worst breakup was by far with one of those boyfriends that I thought, at the time, was the love of my life. We would date for two years and break up and then try again, just trying to make it work. On the THIRD time around, I was in it for broke and figured that I would either end up married or free from the pain FINALLY!

So we went on car....7 hours from home. He dumped me the last morning, after a "high class" breakfast at IHOP, in an empty parking lot SEVEN HOURS FROM HOME! Nothing like trying to keep it together and not hate someone for seven hours in the same car! I would have loved to have left his ass in North Carolina, but of course I was wrecked emotionally and really needed him to drive.

Awww...good times!

theotherbear said...

I had been seeing a guy for well over a year when he dumped me. At a restaurant. After we'd ordered, but before the food had arrived, so I was too busy crying to eat anything. On Valentines Day. Oh, what a class act he was.

Pam said...

My first legitimate boyfriend (we'll call him JP) used to tell me about how a couple of his past relationships (and friends' relationships) had ended in Chinese restaurants. So although we didn't break up in a Chinese restaurant, however I've always been fearful about going to one with a date.

When JP did break up with me, it was during Christmas break in college, and we were heading to a friend's house to watch movies with our group of friends. He broke up with me in the driveway before we went inside. And what was the feature movie? Better Off Dead. The irony was, well, ironic. Being the kind of person I was then, I kept the breakoff to myself so I just played along for the night as if nothing was wrong. But it was pretty painful to watch the effects of a breakup while I was just about to head down that abyss. During the holiday season nonetheless. Good times.

3carnations said...

My worst as the breaker-upper...He was a sweet, sweet guy who just didn't interest me, and I tried, because he was great. I'd think of him when I heard Vertical Horizon's "Everything You Want" (he means nothing to you and you don't know why). He was so sweet, I was having trouble ending it. Finally, one day when I went to his apartment for a planned get together, I just blurted it out. That I was sorry, but I just didn't look forward to spending time with him, and I had no idea why, and it wasn't fair to him. His response: "Would you like to see the table I built?" A couple months later he sent me a sweet email. I can't remember if I responded. A few months after that, he ended up meeting a friend of mine on an online dating site. They both made the connection, although they hadn't met before. On their only date, he actually talked about ME. He said he thought I was looking for someone older. I ended up marrying someone younger. I hope he found someone as sweet as he was.

The worst time I was on the receiving end? That's simple. Valentine's Day. Between the dinner I made and dessert. Not the day before, not the day after, but right in the middle. He actually asked for some of the dessert. I actually cut us each a piece and we ate it. I had a bit of a meltdown with that break up. A year later, the guy did the lion's share of a re-roofing job on my house, with no compensation other than snacks, beverages and a small thank you gift. I don't know how his girlfriend at that time felt about it, but I guess guilt is a powerful force.

Sorry for the mega comment.

lizgwiz said...

I once was broken up with via phone on Valentine's Day. (Seems like that's a common day, reading previous comments.) I figured he just didn't want to have to get me flowers. ;)

I also once was dumped in person while I was at the guy's house. I appreciate his effort to do it face to face, but unfortunately, his timing was really off, since I was also doing some laundry (back when I didn't have my own machines), and the dumping came several minutes before the clothes were dry. I said, with all the dignity I could muster, "I'd really like to leave now, but my clothes aren't dry." And we just sat there in silence until they were.

Maliavale said...

Hold out all you want. It's OK. We love you anyway.

That is not sounding as supportive as I want it to, but I really want it to. Does that make sense?

Paisley said...

My worst break up was with my stalker boyfriend in college. I kept trying to be nice to him, but he kept complaining about how I was acting and told me over and over that I should just break up with him. I replied, every time, that we were broken up. Finally, he leaned in for a kiss after a "friends movie date" and when I refused, he drove around all night to all the places we ever went on a date (2 years!) and quit his job first thing in the am and called me from the airport asking me which city he should fly to on a whim. I didn't care and didn't care when he called to tell me he was back and safe after the weekend was over.


He followed me around for a while after that. Found me in another city, called me. Called me when I moved back. Told me he's on meds and in counseling now and STILL had the gall to ask me out. I looked him up in our state's database for criminal offenders and I found out he ended up spending some time in jail for assault and criminal damage. Whew. Glad I got out of that one.

Was that too long and depressing?


I didn't date for five years after him. Then, I found my monkey so all is well. He taught me to never settle. And I didn't.

L Sass said...

My breakups have all been pretty boring, tear filled affairs. Other than that guy who announced after several dates that he sorta kinda was getting back together with his girlfriend. In that situation, I was AWESOME, if I do say so myself.

I am sorry that seemingly nice boy didn't wasn't gelling. So close... and yet, so far away.

Lara said...

OH, honey. I'm here if you need me.

Noelle said...

I was on a date that I thought would lead to the two of us becoming serious, but instead he told me that he didn't want to hurt my feelings, so he wasn't going to date me. It was at a sushi restaurant that I really liked.

I would have been sad about associating that memory with good raw fish, but then the restaurant closed and turned into a bank. I think that's fitting.

Maliavale said...

Also, I can confirm all of Abbersnail's stories.