This isn't much of an entry, so I'm not trying too hard on the title

I've started at least three entries in the past two days, and each time, I get about two sentences down before I say, "Hmm. Yeah, that's not very interesting."

In short, I got nothing. I'm just not feelin' it. Occasionally, turning to other blogs will somehow inspire me and prompt some unexpected but welcome wave of something or other. In this particular case, all it's done is remind me how much more clever other people are than me (More clever other people are than I? More clever than I other people are? For fuck's sake I can't even put a proper sentence together anymore. I'm a sham, and someone's going to revoke my English degree.)

In the midst of all these feelings of fraudery, however (Fraudery? Is that even a word? Seriously, where's my diploma?), I did have one terrifying moment this morning when I felt like a real blogger (whatever that means).

It seems that everybody who puts themselves out on the Internet in this manner has some horror story of the moment they discovered that someone they never thought would read their blog had, in fact, read their blog. The few real-life friends* of mine who've actually taken any interest in following this little writing project of mine have asked me about this in varying ways--e.g., Who have you told about the site? Who deliberately haven't you told? Are there things that you want to write but don't because you're worried about who might read it?**

So far I've felt pretty in the clear and not terribly worried that, for instance, my boss might inadvertently stumble across this URL. That is until today, anyway.

My boss and I had a conference call with a client this morning, and following that call, we sat talking about various other projects and such. When it felt like wrap-up time, I asked, "Anything else?" and started pushing out my chair to leave, when she said, "Actually, I do have one other question for you. How did you learn how to blog?"

My heart stopped for a moment as I wondered what she'd read and how she found it and why she was addressing the topic with that particular, unusual question. So I asked her to repeat herself.

"Block," she said. "Didn't you say you blocked that sweater you made?"

She was asking me a knitting question. Not a blogging question. I am officially a paranoid freak. And on top of that, my hearing's shot, too. Man, do I feel like a winner.



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* You know--as opposed to all my imaginary Internet friends who I feel like I know remarkably well despite the fact that we've never met. If I've ever commented on your site (and maybe even if I haven't), you're probably in that group.

** The answers to these, if you care, are "Not all that many people, directly"; "My family, my co-workers, and my ex-boyfriend (who is, incidentally, already covered in the 'co-workers' group)"; and "Yes, but not as many things as you might think."