I never intended to become a jaded and bitter old woman and yet, nearly every day, I seem to find some new way to be annoyed with the world or suck the joy out of the most benign or even pleasant thing. Soon I'll be saying, "Puppies? Yeah, they're cute and all, but they're just so needy. And licky. And hyper. And..." Wait. I already do say those things about puppies. Which is really fine, because if I'm to be a proper spinster, I'd be in the market for a cat instead of a dog anyway.
In any case, this is not about puppies. Frankly I'm not sure how I got on that tangent. Perhaps it is heatstroke and exhaustion from all the weeding I did today (or perhaps the two ciders I've already had to unwind from said weeding). Where was I? Oh yes. Cynicism. And not puppies.
My latest clue that I'm becoming a cranky old lady is this. The ice cream truck. Or, more specifically, the job of ice cream truck driver. Years ago, I probably would have thought that this was the perfect job. I would have thought about the near-unending supply of frozen treats just inches away from me at all times. I would have thought of the gracious and happy smiles of sweet and angelic rosy-cheeked children and assumed that their happiness would be contagious.
Now, however? Now I see the poor lady driving that little white van down the streets in my neighborhood, and all I can think is, "If I were her, kill me now." It's not just because if I were an ice cream truck driver, I would quite likely weigh 300 pounds. It's not even because I've taken to inexplicable animosity towards most humans between the ages of five and twenty-five. No, mainly, I think, it's the music. I realize they can't install a full calliope in the back of every Good Humor van, but the tinny midi files piped out of the loudspeaker really have to get a bit old. Hearing "Turkey in the Straw" or "When the Saints Come Marching In" in that format (or, any format, really) over and over would surely be enough for me to drive a sharpened ice cream stick straight through my eardrums. Tonight, however, I heard something even worse than "Turkey in the Straw" on constant loop. I heard "It's a Small World." Yes, some bright marketeer has chosen to take what is quite possibly the most earworm-inducing song ever recorded and torture ice cream truck drivers and innocent homeowners with it entirely intentionally. File this under one more thing I really do not understand.
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5 comments:
UGH! I actually wrote on my blog once about the time years ago that my stepbrother and I got stuck on that ride at Disneyland. It seems they sent out too many boats, and it just got completely backed up. We sat there forever and finally had to ditch the boat and walk behind the set. But not before I had ripped out a good chunk of my hair.
I'm still not up to riding that thing anytime soon.
It's a world of laughter a world of tears it's a world of hope and a world of fears there's so much that we share that it's time we're aware it's a small world after all It's a world of laughter a world of tears it's a world of hope and a world of fears there's so much that we share that it's time we're aware it's a small world after all it'saworldoflaughteraworldoftearsit'saworldofhopeandaworldoffears [commence maniacal laughing...]
When I was little, I wanted to be a cashier because I thought they got to take all the money home at night. Oh, the things we wish for ...
Also, what the eff is "Turkey in the Straw"? I feel fear.
I have not seen an ice cream truck yet this year, and now I am glad about that because I do not need to hear It's a Small World. I can't really think of a song that I would like to hear coming from the ice cream truck (that would be appropriate for kids).
Nabbalicious--Now that you mention it, I think I do remember reading that on your blog. And I totally understand why it would be a lingering trauma in your mind.
Red--Evil. That's just evil. And also, I can't believe you remember all the words!!
Maliavale--I wanted to have a checkbook when I was little, because I thought you could just write a check and magically pay for things. (My mom had to teach me that the check has to be backed by actual money in a bank. Yes, I had my first banking lesson around age six, to learn how checks work.)
Also, turkey in the straw? You don't know that one? Here:
http://songsforteaching.com/s/philrosenthal/TurkeyInTheStraw.mp3
R--True. So true. But wouldn't "Hey Ya" (or, perhaps, some equally crowd-pleasing but more currently relevant song) be excellent to hear piping out of the ice cream van??
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