I know where you're coming from, but beats me what you're looking for

Despite my inability to keep any dynamic information in my sidebar up to date (remember that "Thinking..." category I thought was a good idea for a very brief while?), I decided I needed to add a new heading yet again. I've seen far too many bizarre search engine hits in my site stats lately, and it's just not right to keep all this entertainment to myself. I know I already did a post like this not all that long ago, but since those drafts I have going for some reason just aren't finishing themselves (What's up with that? Has anyone found the auto-write setting in Blogger?? If so, clue me in, OK?), bear with me while I revisit a tired but still amusing (to me, anyway) topic, all right?

With that unnecessarily wordy intro behind us, here we go: a recent sampling of things people did not find on Stefanie Says, despite how hard they possibly looked...

• Unwanted animal overpopulation - I have no idea what I wrote that brought you here, but I think maybe Bob Barker might be more help with this than I. (Though now that I've suggested that, I'm guessing I'll have three hits for "Bob Barker" in the next several days...)
  
  
• Pothead boyfriend - Oh. You've got one of these, too? Um, yeah, good luck with that.
  
  
• Cool dorm room ideas weird hammock couch - I love how oddly specific this is, but do you really think any web site selling a "hammock couch" would use the word "weird" to describe it? Surely today's copywriters get paid to come up with something more whimsical and intriguing than that.
  
  
• Spinster single - Thanks. No really; thanks. I don't even have a cat yet; I swear.
  
  
• Nude negril me - I'm not sure if "Negril me" is supposed to be a command that further evidences the continual verbing of America (e.g., "Beer me" and the like) or if this person was looking for stories or pictures of her own nude experience in Jamaica and somehow thought Google would be able to substitute "me" with the appropriate name. Either way, I'm amused.
  
  
• Old Republic Extended Warranty - Don't buy from those bastards. Seriously. Trust me on this.
  
  
• Was 5'9" grow OR grew OR growing OR growth OR grown - I don't care how many different forms of that word you use in your search terms; I still don't think Google has any idea what you're after.
  
  
• 9 things I hate about everyone - Just nine? Really? Surely you can do better than that. (I know I can, anyway.)
  
  
• Unlabeled Hot Pocket - The Internet can tell you a lot of things. The flavor of your mystery lunch is not one of them, however.
  
  
• 5'9" or 5'10" or 5'11" height or taller grew or growing or grown - Wait a minute. Weren't you just here a minute ago? Seriously, learn to use a search engine, OK?
  
  
• Why does my yard have so many ant hills? - I don't know; was your home maybe built on the site of an old syrup factory? Truthfully, I Googled this, too, but I used something more direct and goal-oriented as my search string, like "Kill ants outside." I'd recommend going that route instead.
  
  
• Blacklist ex-boyfriend - You had this idea too, huh? Maybe we should work on it together...

And finally, my personal favorite, mainly because it turned up three times in one week (from people in three different countries, no less)...

• Castration stories - There's something on the Internet for everyone, I suppose, but I really don't want to meet the people looking for this.