Friday Five, or "Hey now. I haven't written about this place in at least six weeks."

Wing Chun (who many of you probably know from Television without Pity) has this recurring feature on her blog that she calls "Things I think at, but do not say to, people at the gym #[insert increasing number here]." I'm really trying to come up with a title for this list without blatantly copying that one. Nevertheless, that is the theme, so here we go.

1. "Exactly how self-conscious do you have to be to put your sports bra on over your regular bra and then pry your underwire out from beneath it? I mean, yeah, I'm not so crazy about whipping my girls out in semi-public, either, but you're just making things unnecessarily difficult for yourself, and life's hard enough as it is."
   


2. "Just because you're a child does not mean you are cute and precious and I will smile at you. See that little girl over there? She is cute and precious, wearing her pink tutu over her pajama pants and quietly eating a sandwich. You, on the other hand, with your screaming and staring and running around the locker room, are just an insufferable brat. I feel it's time someone told you that."
   


3. "This is my dance space; this is your dance space. I don't go into yours; you don't go into mine. In other words, if you don't get to class early enough to snag an inconspicuous back-row spot, you're just going to have to suck it up and go to the front, not place your step two inches from mine and crowd right in."
   


4. "Well now. I'm not crazy about going back to work with what I refer to as 'health club hair' either, but that certainly is a unique way of addressing the problem. Do you wear the perfectly coifed red wig all the time, or solely post-workout?"
   


5. "Wasn't this the song that Bart, Nelson, Ralph, and Milhouse sang in that episode where they joined a boy band? You know, the one that turned out to be a subliminal Navy recruitment ad? No? Well, it sure sounds like it."
   

I'm off to the wilderness for the weekend (and by "wilderness," I mean a fairly well-outfitted state park only minutes outside of the metropolitan area, but whatever). I'm still taking questions if you feel like sending them, but I won't be posting answers until I get back. Have a great weekend, everyone.