I typically feel compelled to visit the Fair only once every four years or so. Since I was there two years ago (and actually went the year before that as well), I figured I was set for at least another half-decade. My friend Amy twisted my arm the other day, however, so I found myself agreeing to brave the crowds and the calories and head to the Fair tomorrow night.
I've never actually experienced the Fair at night before. For me, it's always been a daytime event. I expect that the Fair after dark will offer a whole different breed of freaks and weirdos and a whole new set of inappropriate wardrobe choices to observe. Frankly, despite my initial reticence, I can't wait. I imagine the Fair at night also involves fewer strollers and small children around which to navigate, so really, the pluses just keep adding up. Besides that, I missed Grand Old Day this year, so I've yet to have the requisite summer corn dog or cheese curds, and really that is something I need to remedy before the leaves start falling. When I consider all of this, it's pretty clear Amy is doing me a favor and a service by dragging me there.
With all of this in mind (and because little else is on my mind***), I present you with a preview of my anticipated activities for the kickoff to this holiday weekend...
Five things I plan to do at the State Fair tomorrow night:
- Eat a corn dog. This is a no-brainer, frankly. You have no idea how lame I will feel and how disappointed in myself I'll be if I somehow fail to scratch this off the list.
- Eat a cheese curd. Or, more likely, several cheese curds. We shall see.
- See the taping of this week's Prairie Home Companion. This may or may not happen, but a few minutes ago I found out that we have possible access to some free tickets, offered up by a magical boy with seemingly all sorts of inexplicable connections, useful talents, and remarkable charms. This boy has already gone on a date with two of my friends, but seriously, I think we may need to keep passing him around until it finally "sticks" with one of us, because someone needs to date this guy and keep him in our social circle.
- Check out the Freak Show. Yes, that's right; we've got a good old-fashioned Freak Show at the Fair this year, for the first time in nearly two decades. Gotta love any abrupt and offensive nod back to the simpler times when political correctness didn't get in the way of pointing and staring at a 500-pound lady, a lizard-boy with scales and a forked tongue, or a full-grown set of conjoined twins. I'm not promising I'll pay a hefty admission fee to actually enter what is surely just a trailer full of disappointing so-called delights, but I do intend at least to check out the presumably enthusiastic signage right outside.
- Eat whatever deep-fried dessert thing is being advertised most ardently this year. For whatever reason, I never did try the deep-fried Twinkies, Oreos, or Mars bars I heard so much about in years past, and this might be the time to remedy that. Is there a problem with having three food-related things on this list one week before I have to squeeze like a sausage into my bridesmaid's dress? Fine, then. Scratch the deep-fried dessert. Maybe I'll look at the Princess Kay butter sculpture instead. Only in Minnesota, folks. Don't you wish you were here?
* Oh, I know I am posting this on Thursday, but just pretend you didn't notice that, OK?
** I knew there'd be an entry for that. Sweet Jesus, I love Wikipedia.
*** Little else except how cute my hair looks right now and how I wanted to take the tiny stylist home in my pocket with me because I'll never get it to look this good again on my own.