Tuesday, April 03, 2007

Out to prove that some things aren't worth the wait

As I mentioned in a comment back to -R- on that last post, I finally overcame my laziness and procrastination and actually unpacked and installed my new printer/scanner/copier thingie. Whoo. It was actually much easier than I anticipated, so frankly I don't really know what my problem was. I even managed to install it with approximately nine-tenths of a bottle of wine in me, which means either that it was so easy, even a drunken monkey could do it, or perhaps that I am a little too used to functioning effectively on more than a bit of wine. I'm going to go with an explanation somewhere in between the two, OK?

So. The printer thingie was no problem. In the midst of connecting the printer thingie, however, I managed to tug the cord connected to my desktop speaker and inadvertently send the speaker in free-fall to the floor, landing directly on my left middle finger knuckle, which, frankly, hurt like a god-damn motherfucker, if I may be so indelicate and repeat a few of the words that spilled out of me immediately thereafter. I'd blame the wine for that, but considering it was the third injury incurred to some portion of my hands in the same damn day, I think the real problem is that I am decidedly lacking in coordination and depth perception skills even when under the influence of nothing stronger than water or cranberry juice.

I also managed to turn off and knock a cord out of my cable modem during this whole process and, unable to reconnect everything in the specific and picky order that's apparently necessary, I ended up having to call Qwest technical support for assistance. At 11:30 on a Saturday night. With nine-tenths of a bottle of wine in me. It has been a while since I had to tell myself, "Now, focus, Stefanie. Don't slur, and don't ramble on with drunken nonsense." I don't know why I didn't just go with it; the Qwest technical support rep would maybe actually like a drunken caller to liven up his night a bit. Damn Midwestern pride and decorum.

Anyway, I don't imagine my technical issues or unintentional self-mutilation are in any way particularly interesting to anyone, so let's get on with the long-promised first fruits of labor from my new toy... my sad representation of my junior prom dress.

Ta-da... (click for larger view)

Promarrific

I also wanted to provide a picture of Miss Prom Pants, the triangle-haired she-devil whom the love of my 11th-grade life took to prom instead of me. OK, so she-devil is a little harsh. I actually had no problem with this girl at the time aside from her occasionally questionable wardrobe choices and her bizarrely geometric hair. And, of course, the fact that she unknowingly stole my prom date. In all fairness, I can't really blame her for that.

Anyway, so I wanted to provide a picture, but it seems the full-on triangle action didn't take shape until later in the year. In the fall of 1990, when most of that year's yearbook photos were taken, her hair wasn't all that absurd for the time. (Emphasis on "for the time." I mean, those bangs? Today? Obviously no.)

Miss Prom Pants

Somewhere between when this photo was taken and when Prom Pants was my imaginary boyfriend's date, however, the hair had sort of filled out or been re-permed to be much curlier towards the bottom than alongside Prom Pants's head. In addition, she shunned layers in favor of a blunt cut that let the ends of her permed and frazzled hair lie in a decidedly straight line on the horizontal. The effect was something like this:

Perhaps a visual aid would help

Unfortunately, since I have no real documentation, you'll just have to trust me on this.

So. That is the representation of my Hee-Haw dress and of the much-maligned triangle hair. I bet you can't wait to see what ridiculousness I'll deem worthy of posting with my new scanner next, huh? Grocery lists? Baby pictures? Time will tell, I guess.

18 comments:

L Sass said...

This is probably the most amazing post I've ever read. Hee. Just, hee!

When I first moved to New York, I used a cordless screwdriver to assemble my desk... after happy hour. It came out just fine!

3carnations said...

That picture is great! Seriously...If I drew a self-portrait, it would be more of a stick figure.

My high school bangs always looked more like a tidal wave than they were supposed to. Big curl, but not enough height. I never quite got the hang of what the cool kids were doing with their hair...Which was fine. I really just needed one more reason to not quite fit in, anyway. ;) Actually, I STILL can't ever seem to do what I want with my hair. I think that's why I've resigned myself to doing NOTHING with it (well, besides washing, combing...).

sognatrice said...

I *love* your lipstick. Just love it!

NancyPearlWannabe said...

Those are some impressive bangs. I could never get mine above a measley 2 inches. That has to be at least four.

Single Jen said...

OMG, I have got to get my prom pics scanned. I know "everybody's doin' it", but it is seriously the funniest thing ever.

I totally just sounded like I was back in high school just then.

-R- said...

So worth waiting for!!!

You are quite the artist. I had no idea.

And I can totally imagine the triangle hair.

Awesome!

stefanie said...

L Sass--Good for you. Maybe alcohol is courage-fortifying even for tasks beyond social interactions, huh? Maybe that "I can do anything" element of drunkenness extends successfully to home repair projects as well. It's a theory...

3C--Yeah, mine was never an enormous pouf either. It never occurred to me that perhaps that was why I felt out-of-place for so much of high school...

Sognatrice--Heh. I figured any sort of mouth I drew would look weird, so I went for the noncommittal "Eh. I'm uncertain about this" slanted line that sort of summed up my expression for the night. (My inability to draw mouths well, by the way, is similar to my inability to draw hands... hence, the arms-behind-the-back pose I chose here.) :-)

NPW--You're talking about Prom Pants, not me, right? I think I actually drew my own bangs too high (mine were never all that ridiculous), but you're right that Prom Pants had a pouf that probably made her at least four inches taller than her actual height.

Single Jen--Oh, you MUST jump on the bandwagon. Everybody's doin' it... (Since we're talking high school here, I might as well lay on the peer pressure.)

R--Yay; thanks. Glad you liked it. :-)

Noelle said...

Wow, thanks for that visual of triangle hair, and props on the mad picture enhancing skills! She reminds me of backwards hair girl from my school. Her hair was curly at the roots and then got straight at the ends, so my friend and I were convinced her hair grew into her head.

nabbalicious said...

Wow, I could never get my bangs to go that high! Impressive.

Love the rendering of your prom dress, too. Ha!

lizgwiz said...

Aargh. I wrote a long comment yesterday, and it appears that Blogger has eaten it. In it, I complimented your prom dress rendering, and described the night my BFF turned my hair into a perfectly square box on top of my head. Just imagine this was longer and more amusing. ;)

Paisley said...

Even though I had stock in Aquanet, I never was able to do the high hair. I was really good at teasing the bangs, though. Plus, my hair never moved.

I loved this post. You are so awesome. yay. Thanks for doing this.

Poppy Cede said...

That purple dress is better than the one I had to wear to my brother's wedding back in 1991!

PreppyGirl said...

Love the triangulation. Top notch. She would have looked nice with black triangle jack o'lantern eyes too.

stefanie said...

Noelle--There was a girl in my school with that sort of "backwards hair," too! And, come to think of it, SHE developed a thing for my imaginary boyfriend and rejected prom date as well! I always hated that bitch (and not even just because of her bad hair). Thanks for bringing that all rushing back. ;-)

Nabb--I never got mine that high either, but I really never tried. I drew the line at any sort of bangs formation that looked like a ridiculous wall from the back. I never understood why the girls in my school never took a hand mirror to examine what their hair looked like from behind. (Yeah, obsessive compulsive much?)

Liz--Square box?? I think this demands an artistic rendering as well. I am waiting...

Paisley--I aim to please. Glad you enjoyed it. :-)

Poppy--I think we need to see that dress. Come on, the bandwagon's still got plenty of room...

Preppy--Hee. Excellent idea.

metalia said...

I second -R-; this was completely worth the wait. Also? You have some MAD drawing skillz, Stefanie! The shading on the dress is particularly impressive.

Anniina said...

Yeah I concur with Metalia, MAD drawing skills! And no worries, most of us lived through the triangle hair period, so we can commiserate. Soon as I get my scanner working, I'll post my humiliating prom pics too.

The Other Girl said...

Ohhhh, I didn't even notice the lipstick until sognatrice mentioned it! Heh. You look like you had 9/10 of a bottle of wine in you then. Other than that, I can't laugh. I am sorely tempted to dig out some of my high school pictures and post them, but ... I think the shame might actually kill me.

Anniina said...

Ok, I'm really late in posting them, but the prom pics are up.