Friday, May 18, 2007

Five things I probably don't need to worry about (but why should that ever stop me?)

The other day, Mimi Smartypants wrote about her likely unfounded fear that she will one day end up in prison. It could happen, I suppose, even if one is not particularly planning to break any particular law. Didn't you read Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason? What do you mean, "No"? I promise you the book sequel was better than the movie one. Of course, neither actually lends much credence to the prison scare, I realize, as it is fiction, after all. Anyway, moving on. My point is I think we all have a set of mostly irrational and inexplicable fears tucked away somewhere in our pretty little heads... things that will likely never happen but that terrify us routinely anyway. Right? I thought so. Here are five of mine.


  1. That I will have a stroke and lose the functioning of my [obviously always sharp and brilliant] brain.

  2. That I will go blind (or, nearly as frightening to me--deaf).

  3. That I will fall down the stairs to my basement and break my neck or crack my skull and no one will notice I am missing or break in to find me until the neighbors begin to complain about the stench of my rotting body. (You are welcome for that imagery--er, smellergy? So sorry about that, actually.)

  4. That, when I'm parked next to a van in a parking lot (or when a van pulls up alongside me while I'm walking down the street), someone is going to open the door and pop out to grab me, take me away, and do horrible things to me somewhere. I don't recall being at all worried about abduction as a child, but now that I'm all grown up, apparently I think it's an entirely likely thing to happen.

  5. That my house is haunted by the ghost of its prior owner.


I am curious what sorts of irrational fears the rest of you are carrying around with you, but I almost don't want you to tell me, actually. We all need to sleep tonight, after all. Share at your own risk (or, mine, rather!), I suppose.

22 comments:

lizgwiz said...

I'm with you on #1 and #3 (well, except I don't have a basement, but maybe falling in the bathtub or something). I once had a dream that I had a stroke--it was very realistic and quite terrifying. I couldn't speak, and I couldn't feel one whole side of my body. Then I woke up...and I couldn't feel one whole side of my body. I was freaking out, and then realized that the cats/dogs had pinned me in so tightly (must have been a cold night) that I hadn't moved all night, and one side of my body was asleep. I got up and lurched around the house, shaking my arm and leg until the feeling came back. I'm still terrified of a real stroke, though.

#4 SHOULD be a rational fear for all women, from what I read. Apparently plenty of adult women have been abducted that way. Scary.

Another big fear for me is early onset Alzheimer's. What if dementia is lurking just. around. the. corner? Shudder.

L Sass said...

I am always afraid of falling off balconies. In fact, I leaned out of my office window on Wednesday to observe a brewing thunderstorm, and I got so freaked out that I had to scurry back inside!

Noelle said...

I'm also completely afraid of going blind. However, at work yesterday, while sitting next to my chews-with-his-mouth-open neighbor, I wanted nothing more than to be deaf for the rest of my life.

I'm really afraid of losing all my money and being homeless. Also, going to jail, despite the fact that I'm about as law abiding as they come.

NancyPearlWannabe said...

Yes, the whole "being thrown in jail for no reason whatsoever" one is definitely up there on my list. I'm also irrationally afraid of being abducted and/or tortured to death in my apartment, but I think this stems mostly from watching too much CourtTV. Or an overactive imagination.

Blitz Krieg said...

We've talked about it at work and everyone would rather go deaf than blind. Except for me of course. No more music? I couldn't handle that. Even though I love to read, there are always books on tape or the wife can read to me.

I've seen my kids, but would hate to never hear their voice again. You can tell so much by how they sound.

Poke out the eyes, just don't touch my ears!

nabbalicious said...

Oh, I have a bunch! That when I get hiccups, that's it -- I'll have them until I die and People will feature me in a story; When there is ringing in my ears, it will never stop and I'll have tinnitus like William Shatner and slowly be driven insane by my affliction; That I'm getting meningitis when a headache spreads into my neck; That someone is hiding under my car just waiting to slash my achilles tendon, especially when it's dark out; That the second floor of any house is inhabited by evil sorts like ghosts, burglars and murderers (which made for some interesting nights when I actually owned a two-story home).

I'll stop there.

Red said...

Well, whatever my own irrational fears are, I can now add yours to my list. Whee!

DENVER'S TUMBLING LEAF said...

I really enjoy your blog...thanks for sharing!

I'm afraid of explosions. Being in a car when it blows up...being in a building when it blows up... Don't ask me why. I have no idea!

Stargazer said...

First really irrational fear:

Sharks!--growing up in Land locked Ontario makes this kind of an insane fear, but when I was little I used to think "well maybe this one time a shark somehow swam all the way up river and into this lake" blech. But even now I am uneasy swimming in the ocean

The dark--perhaps I am still 6 years old at heart, but I have nights when I wake up and I am freaked out.

Plane crash--I think lots of people have this fear but I some times hyperventilate (quietly so no one hears me)during take off.

Darren McLikeshimself said...

Being struck down by a sudden, unforeseen physical malady (stroke, heart attack).

And when I'm swimming in the ocean, I don't want anything to go up my pee-pee.

The Other Girl said...

The sad thing is that many of my irrational fears are now rational fears. Terrorist attack, being gunned down in the workplace, identity theft, land shark. All of these things could happen.

-R- said...

I keep thinking of things that scare me, but I cannot publish them on the internet because then people would now how to scare/torture me. So I guess one of the things I am scared of is that if I admit my irrational fears, such fears will be used against me. Dang, I'm weirder than I thought.

FUNKYBROWNCHICK said...

I worry that my teeth fall out. :(

It's silly, I know, but I'm really freaked out by the thought of losing my teeth.

whiskeymarie said...

Serial killers.
Plane crashes.
Horrible burns.
Car crashes.

Well, and pretty much all of the above.
it's a miracle I leave the house anymore.

brandy said...

Um, I didn't realize everything I was afraid of until I read the comments. Now I'm just going to say ... ditto.

stefanie said...

I'm just going to echo what Brandy said. I am both comforted and terrified by all of your lists! (Thank you and no thanks, everyone!) :-)

cupcake said...

I can deal with all the aforementioned, especially the abduction/plight of being a woman etc. because I am a martial artist (karate), however, my irrational fear is that I am going to marry the wrong person. I have no idea why.

Simone said...

Hmmm I had some of my own but added some after reading the comments...

Mirrors at night - what is lurking in some other world
Serial killers
Dying young in general however it may be and leaving my child w/o me
Abduction of my child; abduction of me

stefanie said...

Cupcake--My irrational(?) fear used to be that I'd never fall in love. That's probably a far better thing to be afraid of than ghosts or injuries.

Simone--Mirrors at night! Agh! Actually, in my own house, they don't frighten me, but I know what you're talking about nonetheless.

The Other Girl said...

Ack! I have a new one. I was reading a magazine article last night about women who get bad chiropractic neck adjustments which tear arteries and then they have strokes and die. And while I would never go to a chiropractor, the article also quotes some doctor as saying that really any rapid neck movement can result in the same thing. So now I'm afraid to move my head. Please stand directly in front of me.

stefanie said...

TOG--I love that you read a story about chiropractic nightmares and you thought of me. Also, as if land sharks weren't enough, now you have to be afraid of moving your head?? Man, life's getting tougher and tougher, isn't it?

Sharka Girl said...

Being mugged in Mexico and having to sell chicklets to get home.