I've been wondering... Do you think we all get the same ads in the banners and sidebars of the sites we all use, or are they maybe actually targeted in some way or form? I definitely hope it's the former, and not just because of the creepy Internet Big Brother implications of Sitemeter and Yahoo profiling me based on my surfing behavior and serving specific ads up in return, but also because I am simultaneously both offended and amused to imagine the sorts of reactions all the college boy bloggers likely had during that two-week period when Sitemeter really, really wanted us to know about the plus-sized lingerie at Lane Bryant. Ah, college boys. Surely almost universally a sensitive and inclusive bunch, if I remember correctly.
Anyway, I don't really want to talk about plus-sized lingerie (or any lingerie, for that matter). Know what else I don't want to do? See Breaking and Entering. I had never actually heard of that movie up until three days ago, possibly because MGM seems to have spent its entire marketing budget for the film on web ads for the DVD release. The esteemed Tomatometer gives Breaking and Entering a certifiably rotten 33% rating, but the constant barrage of sidebar ads assures me it is a well-crafted and compelling must-see drama. Really, who am I going to believe? A sidebar ad surely wouldn't lie.
Know what else banner and sidebar ads want me to do? Become a mystery shopper. But not just any mystery shopper... a sexy mystery shopper!
Personally I thought mystery shoppers were supposed to blend into a crowd, so as to be, you know, mysterious. I had no idea that ample cleavage and exposed midriffs were in fact the norm. Actually, what particularly confuses me about these ads is just to whom they're supposed to appeal. Will sexy, scantily clad women see these ads and think, "Oh, sweet! My pseudo-career options aren't limited to phone sex operator and phony mySpace profile writer! I can be a mystery shopper now, too!"? Are single men supposed to see them and think, "Huh. By virtue of the job description, I can't imagine mystery shoppers really have coworkers, but I'm sure if I sign up, I'll meet these chicks somewhere"? Really, I'm perplexed.
And it's not just mystery shoppers. Apparently sexy product testers are in high demand as well.
If you're a wholesome girl, I guess you can apply too, but your mystery shopping might be a tad less interesting or successful, as it will occur out in a wheat field somewhere. (The hills are alive, little lady. Now go buy a drill and report back.)
In other news (or rather, other portions of my online accounts that I can exploit in lieu of a proper and legitimate post), I would like to know why Yahoo's pool of spammers seems so convinced that I want to "mingle with other Latino singles." I suppose it's not such a stretch to suspect they might have monitored a bit of my browsing activity and figured out that I'm a single girl. But to assume that I am a "Sexy Single Latino"? I'm not sure from whence that idea came. I'm equally confused as to why they might guess I'm a Hot Black Mama (I can't wait to see the search engine hits I get from typing that out), but that one showed up only once that I recall. And frankly, it's not nearly as worrisome as the repeated messages urging me to meet other "Big Beautiful Singles" in my area. I may have put on a few extra pounds in the past year by virtue of my ever-slowing 30-something metabolism, but I'd like to think it's a stretch to put me in the "Big and Beautiful" category just yet.