Monday, July 02, 2007

Sometimes, I think heaven will be kind of like a Target store, and then other times, I pray to God it's not.

So I went to Target yesterday. News flash, I know. I'm sure you people probably think that I go there often enough and with such enthusiasm that my shopping jaunts might actually be considered a hobby, but the truth is, it had been so long since I'd been to Target that I actually had a list of eleven specific items that I legitimately needed. Eleven! Usually I make a stop in there at least once a week for the few assorted items I remember needing or wanting and then have to return a few days later with proper list in hand to pick up the rest. For whatever reason, though, I haven't made any impulse trips over there lately, and with only half a roll of toilet paper and possibly two showers' worth of shampoo left, it was nearing a Code Red situation, so to speak. So off to the big bullseye I went.

I am pleased to report that I purchased ten of the eleven items on my list* and bought only one item that was not on the list. That one item is actually something that's been on my "get someday" list for a while now, though, so I'm going to count it as Not-an-Impulse-Buy anyway. So then. Responsible Target shopping. It's a bit of a foreign concept, I know. This is progress. Yay me.

I didn't really start this post intending to talk about what I bought or didn't buy at Target, however. What I wanted to do was point out the two things I cannot believe I saw at Target (and yet, that I saw there anyway). What were those two things?

  1. Dove Pro-Age Deodorant. So now it is not enough that we have to worry about fighting the effects of aging with special face creams and hair products and body lotions and vitamins? You are telling me my old lady armpits will have special needs, too? Man, getting old is entirely more complicated and depressing than I thought.


  2. Adam from meMarmony. AGAIN! Honestly, people, what the fuck. I don't run into my real friends unexpectedly in public on any sort of even arguably regular basis. Again, Minneapolis is not Stars Hollow. I am not trying to plan my Doose's Market trips around the brief moments when I won't need to dart into the cereal aisle to avoid CuteDean.** This is a major metropolitan area, with at least 35 separate Target stores. Why is Adam from meMarmony always at mine?

I was so thrown off by that second item that I had to tell someone about it immediately. I texted my friend Carrie from the health and beauty aisles...

Me: I just saw Adam from meMarmony at Target AGAIN!
Carrie: Wow! You must be meant for each other. Was it a specific aisle?
Me: No. I was on my way in as he was on his way out, just like last time. What aisle would mean we are made for each other?***
Carrie: Archer Farms?

Heh. The woman has a point, I suppose. I do dig that cranberry nut trail mix, after all...


* Doesn't Target sell hand towels that you can tie or loop to your drawer pulls anymore? I am sure that is where I got the frayed one I've been using for the past six years that finally bit the dust in my dryer last week, and yet, no such thing exists in the towel aisles right now.

** You thought that just because Gilmore Girls had been canceled the references would stop, right? Obviously you thought wrong.

*** Yes, I really text in complete words and complete sentences. This is why I rarely text. It is also why I am so very glad Malia and Darren finally taught me how to use T9.


Noelle said...

I think the towels may have had their moment and are now gone. Sometimes, things just get discontinued and live on in memory alone. (Or, you can wait 20 years as the fashion cycle comes and goes.) I kind of wish that I was at Target right now instead of work. I'm sure that's the time to avoid anyone I don't want to see.

Stefanie said...

I was afraid someone would mock me for having the hokey little tie-on towel. I swear mine was not printed with some silly rooster or teddy bear or anything of the like. It was just a simple, muted sage and violet plaid. Regardless, I'm not trying to be fashionable; I'm just being practical. It's handy having a towel hanging closeby. I had no idea such a useful idea had gone out of style! :-(

shelleycoughlin said...

Your awkward encounters make me so nervous- all I can picture is randomly running into an ex-boyfriend or ex-friend and having to make chit chat while secretly wanting to kick them in the shins and run away. Not pleasant.

lizgwiz said...

My grandma used to make ordinary dish towels into the "tie on the drawer pull" kind through the magic of crochet. I still have a couple that she made me 20-30 years ago. (I don't use them anymore, I just can't bring myself to throw them away.)

I had no idea my pits were aging. Damn.

The Other Girl said...

I refuse to even consider the youthfulness of my armpits. Where is the Dove company located? I say we go there immediately and kick the hell out of someone.

-R- said...

1. Why are you lying? You know everyone in Minneapolis! Remember the craft fair thing? You know everyone.

2. I miss Cute Dean.

3. Did you talk to MeMarmony Adam? And did you look cute?

4. H wants you to teach him how to use T9.

Whiskeymarie said...

I think you have to buy the towels at craft fairs now. I love those things, and the little old ladies love making them.

The Target by me closed for remodeling and I haven't been to one in like 2 months. I'm starting to twitch a little. Maybe today I'll venture into the 'burbs and hit one.

Stefanie said...

NPW--There was no shin-kicking in this case, but I do wish I'd stop running into past dates when I'm out running errands and such.

Liz--Maybe you should send one of those to me, if you're not using them! ;-) No, seriously folks; I am not even talking about the kitschy crafty kind with the crocheted loops. This was a perfectly ordinary-looking towel attached to a linen-like panel with some ties on it. It didn't even occur to me that towel-makers weren't making such a thing anymore! What do the rest of you dry your hands on after washing them in the kitchen sink??

TOG--I believe they're in New Jersey. Are you up for a cross-country road trip? You could pick me up along the way.

R--I did not talk to Adam. He sort of smiled in a "just being friendly to this normal-looking woman walking past me" way, and then I think we both sort of did an eyebrow raise like, "Wait a minute; I think I know you..." but we both kept walking. Whew. And I was wearing pants that I've recently decided I hate and a sort of boring t-shirt, but at least my hair was clean this time. Oh, and I will send you an email about T9. :-)

WM--Like I said to Liz, I am not even talking about the cheesy crafty kind! Still, I may need to consider making my own stupid kitchen towel, I think. Also, is "your Target" the one on University? I saw they were turning that one into a SuperTarget. How exciting. :-)

L Sass said...

I've been curious about the pro-age deodorant, too! Do armpits get wrinklier? Or smellier??

Paisley said...

I don't text really for the same reason. I can't stand the abbreviations and misspellings.


shelleycoughlin said...

Oh, hey, I just opened my new dish towels from Ikea and guess what? They have the little loop-y thing! Do you have an Ikea out there?

(And yes, I know I broke my New Year's resolution not to go to Ikea. I just... needed it.)

Anonymous said...

I wondered what the crow's feet in my pits were all about.

I, too, text in complete sentences. Those abbreviates and numbers for words thing annoys the hell out of me.

steve said...

I should mail you my "I (heart) TARGET" snow globe. I know you'd appreciate it much more than I.

metalia said...

Dude, I also text in complete words and sentences, and I also just wrote about a recent Target purchase...I think we're having some sort of mind meld thing over here.

Stefanie said...

L Sass--Maybe flabbier, and the Pro-Age claims to firm them up? Yeah, I have no idea.

Paisley and Nabbalicious--Exactly. I was going to say I think I'm just too old for the silly text-speak, but a guy five years older than I am recently texted me and included a letter string that I had to look up online, so obviously it's not age; I'm just out of the loop. (I am entirely OK with being out of the loop in this case.)

NPW--Thanks for the tip! I'll have to check there. My other option is to try Wal-Mart or K-Mart (because if anyone will have what are apparently laughably out-of-date towels, they will, right?). :-)

Steve--Oh, come on... Admit it. You still heart Target.

Metalia--Well, if my mind is going to meld with someone's, I think yours is actually a fine one with which to do so. :-) Here's hoping your luck with the bumper doesn't extend to me as well, though!

Anonymous said...

Dude, that is downright crazy (the bit about seeing Adam from meMarmony at Target again, that is. Everything else, including the reference to CuteDean (sigh) is 100% normal. At least in my world).

Unknown said...

I also text using complete words and sentences. Although my nextel phone does not have the option to add a word it doesn't recognize.

Or perhaps I just don't know how to do it?