Friday, January 11, 2008

Five reasons I know movies and television are embedded irreversibly in my brain

  1. I first forced myself to remember which direction the sun rises and sets by singing in my head the lyrics to Movin' Right Along from The Muppet Movie. (Fozzie: "Hey, I've never seen the sun come up in the west!")

  2. Every time I apply mascara, I remember Blossom talking about some of life's great mysteries... "like why women open their mouths when they put on mascara."

  3. Whenever I use vanilla extract, I remember the Very Special Episode of Family Ties in which Tom Hanks played alcoholic Uncle Ned--so hard up for a drink that he downed a whole bottle of the stuff.

  4. Nearly every day when I step out of the shower and the floor in my very old bathroom makes an ominous creaking, cracking sound, I think of Carol Seaver falling through the floor of her bedroom and into the living room because of a termite infestation and crying, "I am willing to get on a scale right now and prove this was not my fault!"

  5. Whenever I see an oncoming car that should have its headlights on, I hear Julia Roberts, saying "Lights! Lights would be good here."

That's five, but honestly, I could keep right on going... When I pee for an unusually long time, I think of Tom Hanks in A League of Their Own, and how the women on his team counted the seconds he was in the bathroom, waiting to see if it was a new record. When I wash my hands, I think of Bill Nye explaining the science behind the lather: "Soap makes water wetter!" And whenever I walk past the unusually large, gaping street drain in a gutter near my office, I expect to see the demonic clown from IT peering out at me from beneath the concrete.

That last image in particular is one I wish I could shake from the movie screen in my mind. My sincerest apologies for reminding you of the horror that was Pennywise as well. (Seriously, I am warning you. Don't click that last link. Aagh!)

Please, please tell me I'm not the only one whose brain works this way.


Anonymous said...

You had me with the Muppet Movie- but that's it. for me- it is song lyrics- oftentimes bad, embarassing late 80's pop. Which is odd, because in the late 80's I would have rather died than listen to the musical stylings of Young MC and the like- but yet there they are, forever embedded in my brain...

Anonymous said...

I am never totally sure that I have the east-west thing right... but now you have given me a way to remember it! Thank you!

steve said...

For me it's movies, TV, books, music, and Dilbert comics - but movies more than anything. Greasy spoon diners always make me think of the opening scene from Reservoir Dogs. "Like a Virgin is a metaphor for big dicks." I usually stifle a little giggle whenever I walk into a diner.

metalia said...

No,you are NOT alone here. Specifically, re: 1--I'm dying of laughter, as the only reason I know the directions in which the sun rises and sets is because of the song "Tale as Old as Time" from Beauty and the Beast.

Also, I never saw that episode of Family Ties, but it sounds like comedy GOLD.

Aaron said...

Dude, seriously, I reference that "very special" Family Ties every damn time I see vanilla extract. Proving once again that you are somehow my female clone or something.

My brain actually works quite similarly, although of course I am coming up blank on any examples right now.

Jess said...

You definitely aren't the only one. I think of movie references all the time. Actually, though, I think of book references more often.

Stefanie said...

Monkey--I think I see a Naughty Monkey post in the works there...

Srah--Don't thank me; thank Fozzie. :-)

Steve--I just saw that for the first time about a month ago. I know: I don't know what took me so long.

Metalia--And I love that you sought that out on YouTube and sent me the clip. Now if you could just find the Blossom one... ;-)

Aaron--You are kidding me. I expected you to nod your head in agreement with the Muppet Movie one, but the vanilla extract thing?? Seriously? This is getting spooky.

Jess--I'm sure I have book ones, too, though oddly none of them are coming to me at the moment.

Pam said...

Yep I can totally relate. I just wish I had some classier relates.

1 - The first sunny, warm day of the summer always makes me break out into the Silver Platters (Brady Bunch kids) classic "It's A Sunshine Day" because the summer sun's calling my name.

And I kind of scared myself that the other two I could come up with are both from one of my guiltiest pleasure: Grease 2.

2 - Anytime someone even mentions a bomb shelter, I think people are going to start doing it for their country.

3 - And anytime I go bowling, I think everyone there is gonna sco-o-ore tonight. They're gonna bop, they're gonna bowl. Tonight!

I guess Grease 2 was all about s-e-x.

nancypearlwannabe said...

Number 5: Pretty Woman! Love that damn movie.

Noelle said...

Every time I put on mascara, I mentally re-enact the scene of "Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead" when there is a close-up of Christina Applegate putting on her makeup. You are not alone in this mysterious malady, I just have different scenes that I replay.

lizgwiz said...

How did I miss that very special Carol Seaver moment?!

stacey said...

1. If I actually go out to lunch and don't bring it, then I'm always tempted to ask for "the business women special" because I think it's funny but then I realize that not everyone has seen Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion.

2. If I'm playing a game with anyone and something happens that might implicate them as cheating, I have to say, "cheater, cheater compulsive eater". That's what Ross says to Monica in an episode of Friends. No one ever gets it, they think I'm calling them fat.

3. And I'm totally with Pam on the Grease 2 stuff. Heck, I know I'd do it for my country if it came down to it.

I guess I'm more into saying things out loud from movies or shows that no one gets.

I might need to stop that.

Ron Burgundy said...

Everything in my house gets referenced on quotes from either Arrested Development (show not the band) or It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

If I'm at the grocery store, I'll ask my wife if she wants any Bluth Bananas.

Every herbal medicine or vitamin purchased is a derivative of Timocil ("there's no I in Timocil, at least not where you'd think").

Every time something funny happens at work, I'll preface it like the title of one of It's Always Sunny: "The one where Ron finds porn in his bosses office".

The brain is wired like that for those of us with the uncanny ability to remember mountains and mountains of minutia.


Courtney said...

Gah! IT scarred me for life. But of course I had to click on that link. Because apparently I wasn't scarred enough already.

Stefanie said...

Pam--I participated in a lip sync contest to that "Sunshine Day" song once. (Classiness is overrated.) ;-) And you too with the Grease 2?? Maybe I should give that one another shot; I think I've seen it only once.

NPW--Would you have known the movie had I not linked to it? If so, good for you! Yay.

Noelle--That's another one I should see again. I think the last time I saw it was actually in the theater.

Liz--I don't know, but maybe Metalia can find it on YouTube. :-)

Stacey--We should all do it for our country, if it comes down to it.

Ron Burgundy--I don't think I've ever seen "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia," but I got the Bluth bananas reference!

Courtney--You and me both. Gah!