Isn't that what we're all asking in our own lives: "Where's my elephant?"

Happy Tuesday, friends. Or, er, Wednesday, by the time any of you likely read this. I should probably just leave day of the week out of this, I suppose. Frankly, I am stalling because I am trying to decide whether or not I should write about a boy. Maybe even two boys. Or hell, possibly three. But probably only two. It is the Year of Stef, however. If ever there were a time to write about three boys, it would be now, don't you agree?

I can think of a few very good reasons not to write about boys, though, some of which I also shouldn't write about, despite the fact that all this self-censorship and crypticness is not my norm. By tomorrow at this time, I might know whether one of these boys is a story worth telling, but right now, he is still a big question mark. At the moment, he's just a face I've met only once, a name in my Inbox that makes me smile, but in another day it could be all deflated hope and awkwardness, an uncomfortable "Oh. Shit." when I hit "Check Mail" and see the line refresh. So much for my new-found optimism. Year of Stef indeed.

As usual, though, Lara's got my back, and she and Franny (the decision-making Unazukin I sent her for Christmas, which she did not write about, I might add!) have decided to be optimistic on my behalf. She'll let you know how that works out, perhaps. Maybe even a video post of Lara conversting with Franny should be in order. (Lara, you're set up for a vBlog, aren't you? No? OK, forget I said that.)

In the mean time, then, how about something obviously equally important and interesting? That's right: an update on my Chia Elephant's progress.

People, I have to admit I was a little disappointed when I read the fine print on my new toy. I foolishly assumed a Chia Pet was like a cuddly and cute little houseplant--something that would keep growing provided I didn't subject it to total neglect. It turns out it requires near constant care, what with all the refilling through the little hole on top and the dumping of water from the plastic tray as that water seeps right through Stampy's feet and sides. (Of course I named him Stampy. There wasn't really any doubt, was there?) And for all this work, my Chia seeds are estimated to grow only for a month or so. A month! Gather ye rosebuds while ye may, Stampy. Old time is still a-flyin'. Once he's had his hey-day (or, I suppose, its Salvia hispanica day), I'll have to leave him scraped bare and stark terra cotta naked or start the whole process once more. I am more than a bit disappointed by this news. It's like Sea Monkeys all over again, I fear.

But still--for even a brief while, it's been a fun experiment. Dare I say Stampy's even added a wee bit of companionship to my little spinster life. I may not have a living, breathing, furry pet, but when the maybe-date I had last night asked me if I had any pets, I said, "Um, well, I have a Chia Pet..." And maybe the best part? A Chia doesn't try to bat around the yarn while you're knitting. If you ask me, this has been a major design flaw in the cat-spinster pairing all along.

So have you ever actually seen a Chia Pet go through its grow cycle yourself? If not, then you're in for a treat, folks. A little time lapse action for you.


Here's our friend Stampy approximately a day and a half after I spread the gelatinous seed paste on him. I neglected to take a picture initially. Surely I've had a blog long enough to have known a project would be in the works, but half-assed and late to the game is my typical mode of operation, so really this should be no great surprise.



Here you can see he's starting to grow some slimy little white roots. The packaging didn't warn me about this, and frankly it eeked me out more than a little bit. We all go through our awkward stages during adolescence, though. Why should a Chia Pet be any different?



And finally the white slime gives way to some green. There's hope for you yet, Stampy.



Still sort of gross, though. Let's capture a close-up just to be sure. Ew.



A few days later, he's looking a little less scary.



A little. Not entirely, mind you.



A few days later yet, and we have this. Looking more and more like the jingle-worthy commercial pic every day.



Note to self: Next time, skip spreading the seed paste on the legs. No one needs to see a hairy-legged elephant.



Finally! A coat to inspire the Ch-Ch-Ch-Chia jingle we know so well!



Speaking of said jingle, I cannot believe I forgot to tell you about the bonus gift that accompanied my pet. This one needs only batteries, not water or pasty chia seeds.



And it sings the Chia jingle--sings it in a way that is so campy and enthusiastic and fabulous, I actually need to do a Chia jig around my living room every time I press the right-most button. Maybe I'm the one who should be working on the technology for that vBlog, not Lara. Or then again, maybe not.