Wednesday, January 30, 2008

More things that make sense only when I'm half asleep

I've said before that I really ought to give myself a curfew for my night-time computer use, because invariably, if I write a post directly before I go to bed, my mind will continue to write and rewrite that post when I'm trying to be all Zen quiet-like and get some sleep. I'm all warm and relaxed under my comforter, and yet I need to fight the urge to get up, restart my computer, and make a quick edit (or, at the very least, scribble a new line or two on a notepad before I forget).

Last night, as I was drifting off to sleep, I was suddenly convinced I needed to add another joke to that last post--specifically to the imaginary conversation with my imaginary future husband. Instead of just "I was busy! I had work!" I wanted my fake husband to add, "Science doesn't 'tist' itself!" See... because he's a scientist? And he's all, adding the "-tist" to "science"?

Yeah. Not funny. Insert pause for crickets here. But these are the things that make sense when I'm only half awake.

Mental post editing wasn't the only thing keeping me awake last night, though. I very rarely have nightmares, but last night, for some reason, there was a sort of horror movie playing in my head. I wasn't actually in the scenes; no monster was really coming at me with any nefarious intent. But since I'm never a fan of scary things, even watching grisly scenes on my in-brain movie screen was unsettling enough.

The in-head movie featured some sort of Hannibal Lector-like vampire monster... he was decked out like Dracula, but instead of just sticking his teeth in peoples' necks and sucking their blood, he was taking full bites out of his victims--ripping into their skin and pulling away with large chunks of their neck still lodged between his pointy teeth.* Which tells me he was not just a vampire, but some sort of weird, extra-scary zombie vampire. And WHY would I be dreaming about zombies, when zombies are something that rarely, rarely (if ever) cross my mind? Well, I think it's pretty obvious I have Aaron to thank for that. You and your damn Diary of the Dead countdown, Cochrane. Clearly your blog should come with some kind of warning: PG-13 (not for the extremely impressionable or easily frightened). Sheesh.

* For that visual, I do apologize. Even Aaron doesn't traumatize us quite like that.


Anonymous said...

Of course Aaron traumatizes us like that. That's what he does.

I totally laughed at your scientist joke, by the way.

3carnations said...

I'm entirely too anal, apparently, to laugh at your scientist joke. My first thought was "Sciencetist? That doesn't work..." But it was funny, really.

How about "Science doesn't just discover itself, you know?"

lizgwiz said...

I had bad dreams all night, too. No vampire zombies, just bad things happening to people I care about. It sucked.

Aaron said...

Hahaha...oh, man. Before I even got to my name, I was feeling guilty for having blogged about zombies so much lately. I think the best way for you to get over this fear will be to go see Diary of the Dead. Anyway, I'm just trying to help you be prepared.

Also, I totally laughed at your scientist joke, too.

Anonymous said...

I may have told you this before, so forgive me if this is old news. I can always tell when I'm almost asleep, because I'll think something bizarre, replay it, realize it was bizarre, and then congratulate myself for being almost asleep. Then I chastise myself for thinking too hard, because I might wake up.

No one said I wasn't Type A.

L Sass said...

Lots of posts about nightmares out there lately! Why are all the bloggers having bad dreams? I guess nightmares are to January 30th what "January doldrums" were to January 15th! You're such a trendsetter.

Stefanie said...

NPW--Well, everyone has their purpose, right? And thank you; I'm actually really glad to know I'm not the only one who thought that was amusing, if only for a few moments.

3Cs--Ha. I think you're even more logical and literal than I am. And THAT, my friend, is hard to be.

Liz--Oh, that might actually suck way worse than scary vampire zombies.

Aaron--I actually feel a little bad for yelling at you about zombies after you left me such a nice comment this morning. AND you laughed at my lame scientist joke. Really, Aaron--talk about zombies all you want. I promise I won't complain any more. (At least not any more this week.) ;-)

Abbersnail--I don't remember if you've mentioned that before, but that is hilarious. Again, I love that someone is even more anal or ridiculous than I am. :-)

L Sass--Lots of bloggers are having bad dreams?? Man, I hope other things aren't contagious via the Internet!

-R- said...

I think you should blame your crazy dreams on the freezing cold temps. I am blaming everything on the cold right now.

And now I have Blame It On The Rain stuck in my head.

Anonymous said...

I think I dream more than the average person (or at least I remember more of my dreams). And for some reason, they always revolve around one or both of these things: superpowers or bad guys chasing me. What does THAT say about my psyche?

I also talk in my sleep - A LOT. And if allowed to watch scary shows/movies I am almost guaranteed to wake myself up screaming. Yeah, weirdo.

Anonymous said...

I thought the tist thing was funny. Of course, I know you know to beware of the slippery slope of having pretend conversations with people. When you see them in real life and they don't remember the pretend conversation, it's awkward.

Akkire said...

I am traumatized. Nightmares about body ripping zombies tonight for me - CHECK!

Poppy said...

I thought I commented on this post already but then realized I didn't because I didn't want to be rude and just write "mmmmmmmmm, zombehz" but...

Mmmmmmmmm, zombehz.