Sunday, January 20, 2008

Can I hear that word in a sentence?

I'm sure you'll all be disappointed that I have no mullet sightings to relay, but with's "feels like" temperature for Minneapolis hitting 20 below zero, attending a pond hockey tournament just didn't seem like a reasonable plan. Carrie kept talking about the beer and brats in the warming tent, but I think she forgot that my aversion to both beer and brats is why I left Wisconsin in the first place. Kidding, of course, but I do think not enjoying either of those Wisconsin favorites might be grounds for excommunication under some archaic law still buried somewhere in the books. So it's lucky I left of my own accord before they had a chance to kick me out. (Or, left of my own Corsica, as was actually the case at the time... Am I the only one who can't hear that phrase without wanting to make a lame Honda joke as a follow up? I am? I thought so. Moving on.)

So. We didn't scope for any boys on frozen lakes this weekend, but we did venture out to three different bars on Washington Avenue in the hopes of feeling social-type Girls About Town. By the time we reached the third bar, the wind chill had dropped noticeably, from "Goddamn, it's more than a bit chilly out here" to a painful "Holy fuck; I do believe my face might crack in two if I don't get inside immediately or sooner." Apparently everyone else got the memo and smartly stayed home, because there were all of maybe eight people in that establishment when we walked in, and six of them were either with the band or working behind the bar. Incidentally, in case you are wondering, sharing the exact same birthday with the bartender who cards you does not earn you a free drink, even on the slowest and most chatty of nights. It'll earn you a smile and a bit of chit-chat about the celebrities also born on that same day (Dane Cook and Queen Latifah, in our case), but you will still have to shell out eight dollars for your Malbec. Lesson learned.

The rest of my weekend was fairly low-key... I ventured to Target yesterday, mainly just to make sure my car would still start, but other than that, I spent the day wanting nothing more than to curl up on the floor directly beside the heat register, not unlike the cat my little sister had years ago. (Sidenote: One benefit to running my Target errands in this weather is that it is cold enough to warrant wearing a hat! Guess what? I can go to Target with unwashed hair in a greasy ponytail if it is hidden under a smart, seasonably appropriate-looking hat! I didn't actually run into any former meMarmony matches on this particular Target outing, but I was ready for them, showered or not, even if I had! Whoo.) Finally, today, I went to an arty documentary with a boy I might be friends with but have decided not to date, and that about wraps up my weekend, I guess.

So, in short, I regret that I have nothing particularly exciting to report to those of you who like to live vicariously through my ever-exciting single-girl life. I will try to make it up to you eventually, though. I'm sure someday I'll experience some blog-worthy antics once again. Case in point: consider the following message, which I received from my good friend Michael on Friday:

From: Michael
To: Stefanie
Subject: Drunken Spelling Bee


I'll sponsor you and give you a ride home if you play.
It's time to redeem yourself after your failure as a child.


Sadly, pre-registration is full, so I actually can't sign up anymore. I do plan to show up early enough for a potential overflow/walk-on spot, though, and maybe if I'm lucky, I'll get a chance to make an ass of myself in front of a live, drunk audience. Let's all cross our fingers for that.

The "failure" he refers to, by the way, is my performance in my county's regional spelling bee in 1986. Oddly, I cannot tell you the winning word responsible for my victory in my grade school's local contest that year, but I do remember the word that ousted me (with only five pre-teens remaining on the stage) in the regional bee that followed. I went out on the word pejorative. (I know how to spell it now, even without Firefox's spell checker as a guide.)

Somehow I doubt the word pejorative will come up in the drunken spelling bee contest. In fact, the promotional information says the bee will feature "themed spelling rounds, including topics such as celebrity phraseology, alcoholic beverages, and naughty words."

I know how to spell "slippery nipple" and "dirty sanchez" (and plenty of other words I really shouldn't be typing on the Internet right now). Perhaps I'd best research how many Ts Paris Hilton includes in "That's hottt," though. I'd really hate to have Ms. Hilton be the fool who does me in. Don't you agree?


steve said...

Now you've done it. The next time you check what Google search terms people are using to get to your fine, upstanding blog, you'll regret that dirty sanchez.

Probably won't be the first time someone regretted a dirty sanchez.

Aaron said...

Yeah, seriously, this post is chockful of future "amusing search engine activity" material.

Also, you referencing Target just reminded me of a frightening convo I overheard in my local branch Saturday. I will save it for my blog, however. Because really, I have little else at the moment.

nancypearlwannabe said...

A drunk spelling bee is just about the best idea I've ever heard. I'd go for the laughs OR to participate!

Noelle said...

Maybe if I was drunk, I would be a better speller. But somehow I doubt that. Sounds like a good challenge, though!

Jess said...

You did have a good weekend, huh? I'm impressed with your tenacity at venturing out into the cold. We did not leave the house yesterday. That was the right decision. And our weather is mild compared to yours.

bleeding espresso said...

I love wearing winter hats. Cute and great to hide greasy hair under too! Whee!

L Sass said...

Dude, I have been whining about the weather in NYC and it was a whopping 20 ABOVE ZERO this morning!

Where did my Minnesota toughness go??

Lara said...

Hee! I loved so much about this post that I don't even know where to begin.

Paisley said...

Can we say....what a load of interesting, if disappointed, people are going to be finding your blog via The Google. :) You know...'cause there are no pictures.


Poppy Cede said...

That is one of the sweetest emails EVER.

Stefanie said...

Steve--I knew that was probably a bad move, but what the hell. Having ALL my search hits be from people seeking out "Eat Pray Love" quotes is getting a little boring. ;-) Also, your last line cracked me up. So true, so true.

Aaron--Glad I could be of service and help jog a writing idea. "Is done a word?" Oh my.

NPW--It is a pretty awesome idea, isn't it? You should come! :-)

Noelle--I actually used to be a better speller as a kid. I'm a little worried about this...

Jess--I like to say we're hearty stock here and the cold really doesn't faze us. Unfortunately, I'd be lying. I was a whimpering fool Friday night. It was THAT COLD.

Bleeding espresso--I know; why did I forget about this benefit of winter?? :-)

L Sass--I don't know, but good luck to you if you think you can handle Chicago!!

Lara--Oh, you are sweet my dear. Also, I cannot believe you haven't asked me about the investment banker yet. (Kidding. I could have just told you of my own accord... or my own Saturn, of course.)

Paisley--I know. I'm sitting here whistling, all "Move along, folks. Nothin' to see here, you dirty perverts!" Oh well.

Poppy--What can I say. The boy knows me, I guess.

-R- said...

That actually looks really fun!

abbersnail said...

Oh, that is EPIC. I cannot wait for you to bring home the gold.

Metalia said...

I cannot think of any competition in the world I'd like to participate in more than A DRUNKEN SPELLING BEE!!