Friday, January 25, 2008

I’m being whiny AND vague! Lucky you!

I know I'm supposed to be a mature grown-up and act like the alarmingly honest, direct person I've so often been told I am. Dating in the Internet age has made it entirely too easy to avoid uncomfortable conversations through a quick email rather than an awkward conversation, and I often justify going this route by claiming it's easier for both of us, not just for me. I'm aware that's often a cop-out, however, and I'm trying to be braver and more considerate. When someone sends an email himself, though, saying, "I can't tell for sure if you want to go out again; would you be interested or not?" then it's entirely OK for me to answer that honestly via an email reply rather than waiting for an in-person talk, right? Right? RIGHT? Sigh. Three dates back out there and already I just want to stay home by myself again for all eternity. Please, somebody tell me that when it's right, I will know it and I will stop with the irrationally heightened flight reflexes. Please tell me that that's how it works and not that there is something fundamentally wrong with me. Because at the moment, I'm in one of those spots where it definitely feels like the latter.

But enough with the vague and pointless navel-gazing. How about an interactive Friday Five? Do you have a favorite word or phrase that hasn't been in regular rotation in the lexicon since the early 20th Century? An obscure or forgotten phrase that it's time we rally to bring back? Let's make a list of five (or 55) of them, shall we? I should add that ironically, the reason I want to compile this list has to do with a boy. Guess I haven't given up again entirely quite yet.


Poppy said...

How about "grody to the max"?

And, I'm sorry dating sucks. :) Thanks for scaring me off of it.

Stefanie said...

Poppy--I said EARLY 20th century! Think 1920s, not 80s. Thanks, though! :-)

3carnations said...

First of all, if you're anything like me, you won't immediately KNOW. I was very complacent about Hubby for a couple months. I didn't mind him calling and getting together with him, but I wouldn't have cared if he stopped calling. A few times I had "good" (read: really shallow) reasons to call it off, but for some reason didn't. Lots of people say don't waste your time when you think it's not right...I say unless it's blatently wrong, give it a couple extra times.

1. A couple weeks ago I managed to say "willy nilly" no fewer than 3 times in one day

2. "in the family way" is a favorite of my Dad's. I don't recommend bringing it back

3. "setting up housekeeping" is much more subtle than "shacking up"...

4. "breaking bread" kind of a cute alternative to "come over for dinner"...although if a definition is not established, people may think they're coming over to destroy your food, not consume it.

5. It would be nice if people could use the word "gay" with its original definition without the risk of chuckles.

Poppy said...

I'm not allowed to be funny? :D


Ok... "I doth protest!" ?

Poppy said...

No, that's too old....


How about "you're cute, wanna flap?"

Anonymous said...

I read your post, got in my car to go to lunch, and said "reliquary."

I thought you said early 19th century. Dang. That's all I got.

shelleycoughlin said...

I did like in The Great Gatsby when he used "the Middle West" for the Midwest. It seems more endearing.

Not so evil Shenanigans said...

The only one I can think of is 'Woe is me' - it's always been a favorite of mine because my mom used to say it all the time.

Oh and then there's the 'flapper' that was from the 20's right? Did it mean something or was it a kind of dress?

Then there's 'dumb dora' I remember my grandma saying that one.

Well this has been the "bee's knees" but now I have to "Beat It".

I have to admit, I had a little help from a search engine with my last 3, but it was fun anyhow! Happy Friday!

Jess said...

Yes, RIGHT. Of course you can respond using the same medium.

I have no words to add to the list. I'm sorry.

Anonymous said...

dag nab it. I can't spell that, and I want to think of something better.

Stefanie said...

3Cs--But were you at least attracted to your husband in those first few "I could take him or leave him" months? That's the snag I'm stuck on right now... :-( (Is it terribly shallow to admit that? That's still an important factor, isn't it?? This is really a post in and of itself, not a comment, I suppose.)

Poppy--Flap is a verb? I had no idea! :-) "Doth protest" is an excellent phrase.

Carrie--I had to look that one up. In the words of our friend M, "Damn smart girls." ;-) (Kidding. I'm smart, too, right??)

NPW--Oh! I liked that, too. :-) Forgot about that one.

Shannon--I do like "the bee's knees." Heavens to Betsy is a fun one, too.

Jess--Thank you. :-) Good to have a little backup.

Noelle--Hee. Dagnabbit is a great one. It reminds me of Grandpa Simpson, who, come to think of it, is probably a great source for this sort of thing.

-R- said...

E-mail is appropriate, in my opinion.

I love the suggestion of "the bee's knees." My addition to your list is knickerbocker.

lizgwiz said...

For some reason your blog doesn't like my comments lately. It just ate another one.

To recreate in short: yes to respond via email. Not wrong to insist on some sort of initial spark. And let's bring back "pitching woo."

3carnations said...

Oddly enough, not really. I wasn't NOT attracted (note double negative), but I wasn't all that attracted, even though he is attractive. I became more attracted as the relationship evolved. I've always found attraction to be congruently mental and physical. For example, if you try to convince yourself you're not all that into someone, regardless of how traditionally attractive they might be, they won't look good. And vice versa. I think my disinterested subconscious kept me from attraction until I was attracted mentally, and then the physical came. Does that make any sense? I've also had the reverse happen, where I've found someone very attractive at first sight, gotten to know them, didn't much care for them, and have said to myself "Did I really think they were good looking?" People become physically appealing/unappealing to me based on how much I am attracted to them mentally.

Wow...quite a ramble, eh?

Stefanie said...

R--We should all try to work "knickerbocker" into a sentence today. (Good luck to all of us with that.)

Liz--I don't know why my blog wouldn't like your comments. I ALWAYS like your comments!! So sorry. :-(

3Cs--That's not a ramble; it makes perfect sense. I've experienced all of that myself. I guess it's just hard, because when you start dating someone, and you CALL it "dating" (rather that just casually hanging out and getting to know someone, with no expectations), eventually there's the assumption that you'll, you know, "do stuff"... or at least, you know, touch each other. ;-) (I am trying to state the obvious without actually having to STATE the obvious here.) What if you feel no interest in that??

Maybe I could get some tips on this from -R-'s crazy Baptist roommate... the one whose boyfriend laid on top of her but didn't kiss her for four months. :-)

3carnations said...

OK, that made me snort at my desk. I am picturing you telling your date that you're not sure if you're interested in a relationship right now, but that he can feel free to lay on top of you until you make up your mind.

Maybe that's how you know...If he agrees to that then he is the guy for you...or maybe the reverse is true. If he agrees, leave quickly.

Stefanie said...

Heh. Yeah, let's agree that there's no way that particular test is a good one. :-)

Also, that was still a bad example, as laying on top of me would involve touching me. Finding a man I want to talk to who I also want to touch me seems to be the problem. ;-)

(Why do I feel like I just keep digging this hole deeper and deeper, and eventually I will just need to delete this entire post and all its comments??)

-R- said...

I am sure my crazy ex-roommate has awesome tips about this! I can give you her e-mail address. Just let me know. She may suggest you date a very dumb guy who wears wifebeaters and tight Wranglers though- just a warning.

3carnations said...

OK, here's my bit of (not) wisdom. If the person who caused you to write this is fun to hang out with, but you're not sure you're attracted, then tell him you enjoy spending time with him, but you aren't sure if you like him "like that". But that you are interested in spending time with him before making final judgment. You're not wasting YOUR time because you enjoy spending time with him. You're not wasting his because...well, you never know what will come of it.

Anonymous said...

Stef, hold your horses! When the right chap comes around, you'll know it. Until you have the heebie jeebies over some swell, put on your high hat and don't take any wooden nickels!

Aaron said...

I think we should all start complaining about what a fat pig William Howard Taft is again. Because that never goes out of style.

Also, from the boy side, let me tell you, if you're feeling vague or squirrely, move on. Like the Jarvis Cocker song: Don't let him waste your time. When you meet the right nerd, it will be apparent.

steve said...

I second Aaron's comments - I did the online thing for awhile and while I could bore you to tears with all the details of my strategies, I had a lot of fun with it and met a lot of cool people.

Good people are out there, you just have to use the shotgun approach.

As for a word, I am a recent fan of -ent words like insolent and reticent.

Anonymous said...

Well, clearly it's the vagueness coming back to bite you in the arse.

Kidding aside, I'm sorry. It's hard and sucky. I have no good advice, but I will say that my husband and I split up in mid-December, and I read back through your "fabulous single life" category for reassurance that, despite the bumps, it really would be okay. You were an great, if unwitting, comfort to me in those early days, and I thank you. And really, really think that you'll find "the one" sooner than you think.

--Shana in Missouri

Anonymous said...

"Don't expectorate on the sidewalk."

Anonymous said...

Don't micturate on it, either.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, if he emails you to ask that question, it's totally appropriate to respond via email (and my guess is that he'd probably prefer it that way, especially if it's going to be a rejection). It'd be the same if it called you to ask, but it would suck returning that call I'd probably chicken out via email.

When it's right, you will know it and stop with the irrationally heightened flight reflexes. That's how it works and there is nothing fundamentally wrong with you.


Stefanie said...

R--Are you saying there's something wrong with wifebeaters and tight Wranglers? Because I think it's a good look, on the right guy.

(No I don't.)

3Cs--Thanks. That's basically what I did. Whether or not he still wants to hang out remains to be seen.

Jamie--Nice use of "wooden nickels." We should find a way to bring that back.

Aaron--Ha. That Taft line cracked me up.

Steve--Wait. There are strategies?? (Kidding.) ;-)

Shana--Oh, I'm so sorry to hear about you and your husband! Breakups of any kind suck, no matter the circumstances, so whatever the details, I feel for you. And yes, it really will be OK. Even if nothing in my archives reassures you so. :-)

M--Nice. Should I admit that the reason I know that word is from Gaston's song in "Beauty & the Beast"? ;-)

Anonymous--Was that you, too, M? Whoever it was, I'll admit I had to look that one up.

Red--Thank you. I was hoping someone would say that. :-)

Anonymous said...

OK, sorry, I was much too lazy to read the other comments, so perhaps someone already said this... but I frequently use the phrase "the depths of despair." It's from Anne of Green Gables and it comes in handy in more situations than you might think.

About the dating... I really do believe that when it is right, it will all work out somehow. Also, you can't ask someone that question via e-mail and not expect a response via e-mail. Keep rockin' on with your bad self and doing what works for you.

L Sass said...

Maybe the word "sot" for drunkeness? I always think about using it when it's in the crossword puzzle.

Anonymous said...

Hey, where the hell is my comment? Grrr. I commented earlier today, saying I can't believe nobody has suggested "egad!" yet. I freakin' love egad.

Stefanie said...

Cookie--Ha. I bet that DOES come in handy in more situations than I might think.

L Sass--You sound like me... I'm always mentioning obscure words as good Boggle words.

Lara--Is my blog REALLY eating peoples' comments, or are you all just trying to make me feel bad? :-( I'm guessing it's not the latter, and I apologize on behalf of my blog.

Whiskeymarie said...

I like "bee in her bonnet"- does that count?
Also- "lollygagger". Love that one.

Akkire said...

i am so very interested in how this list pertains to a boy...