Friday, February 22, 2008

I couldn't help but wonder...

OK, seriously, Universe. Did you not get my memo? It is the Year of Stef, dammit. I proclaimed it; you are to make it so. And that means all bullshit where dating is concerned is to vanish and Mr. Considerate and Right-for-Me is supposed to appear. This new "positive attitude and optimism" thing I'm trying can go only so far; you really do need to pitch in a bit and throw me a bone.

All this is to say that I am home alone on a Friday night, partaking in long-neglected household chores like doing laundry and cooking a proper dinner and purging expired food from my cupboard and fridge, instead of hanging out with either of the prospects I was so excited and optimistic about a mere week ago. Mind you, I am actually not at all bothered by my home alone state right now... I'm sort of a hermit by nature, and frankly, all this exciting whirlwind single girl stuff does tend to wear on me fairly quickly and make me long for my couch and solitude. But still. It would be nice to have some options.

Date #2 with The Scientist was far from awful; it had its "on" and clever moments, I'd say. But thanks to either my near complete lack of sleep the previous night or the precarious phase of the moon (or some unfortunate combination thereof), the overall event was shrouded in a disconnect and awkwardness that I'm not entirely sure he's convinced is worth trying to charge past. Never mind the magic of that first date; apparently in the early stages, one "off" night just can't be overlooked. We shall see.

As for The Neighborhood Giant, I'm entirely baffled. Trust me; I have dated enough to know when to expect a vanishing act. I've been on both sides of that act more times than I care to recount, and I'd like to think I have a good feel for when to expect some follow up and when not to be surprised by a quiet slinking away. Last week's date (for which I'd rate rapport and conversation as comfortable and lively, respectively, and post-Boggle action as a second-date-appropriate PG-13) did not warrant any sort of vanishing act. In fact, it did not even occur to me to say, "So, give me a call..." as we parted, because it did not occur to me that he would not, in fact, call or write.

And yet, here I am, a week later, with no contact whatsoever, even after I gave in and broke all those stupid rules by sending a cleverish follow-up myself.

Since my life is apparently Sex & the City to some of you, I can explain this only in terms Miranda taught me. Remember that episode where she was stood up for a date, and decided it was so unforgivably rude that she was going to call the man on it and give him a piece of her feisty, red-headed mind? Remember how she phoned his home only to have his mother answer and find out he'd very recently died of a heart attack? Well, I'm going to presume The Neighborhood Giant clearly succumbed to some similar and dismal fate. It's the only excuse, wouldn't you say?

Except that no--it's maybe not the only explanation, and it would be harsh to wish him dead anyway. I haven't done a proper Friday Five in a while, so how's about I give you five other possible explanations for the unwarranted and unexpected disappearing act?

  1. He carelessly walked his 6'7" self into the upper edge of a door frame (whilst daydreaming about me, most likely), and the impact caused short-term amnesia. The poor guy can't even remember where he works, I suspect; how can I fault him for forgetting about me?

  2. Being a less-than-brilliant computer user, he foolishly visited a Web site that infected his computer with a virus and wiped out his entire mailbox, thereby losing both my e-mail address and any reference to my phone number. He's currently wandering my neighborhood, trying to remember exactly which blue house on which nearby street is mine, so he can come over to apologize and reunite in person.

  3. He was more bothered than he let on by his tragic loss in Boggle, and he's simply too ashamed and wounded to ever show his face to me again.

  4. He ate some bad sushi the day after our date and has been in a hospital bed, writhing in pain from a horrible bout of food poisoning ever since.

  5. I have a secret admirer with a disturbing possessive and violent streak who didn't like the idea of any competition for my affection and therefore found The Neighborhood Giant and chained him to a pipe in a dark and scary basement, where no one can hear him scream.

All of these are valid explanations, I'm sure. It's just a matter of deciding which is most plausible, right?

And with that, I'm going to get on with my spinsterrific Friday. My oven timer just beeped, my dinner looks and smells awesome, and I've got a Netflix envelope I've been ignoring for weeks to open. Hope your weekend is less tinged with confusion and bitterness than mine's started with, and I'll catch up with all of you a bit later.

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Update 2/24: OK, so he actually did e-mail me, approximately two hours after I posted this. His message was so maddeningly flip and casual, however, that I still don't know for sure what to make of it. Also, The Scientist finally called me tonight, so perhaps he has not written me off just yet either. See, this is why I generally avoid documenting date details unless I'm sure I am or am not going to see the guy again. This sort of back-and-forth overanalysis is really best left in my own head or in a private journal. Carry on.

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Peter said...

I vote for number 3. When he went back to work his co-workers laughed at him for losing a game of Boggle to a girl. He now denies he has ever played Boggle and prefers to play high tech computer games! In all fairness he might still call or email you. Good for you to assert yourself when you emailed him.

feistyMNgirl said...

I think #5 would make a great thriller/romantic comedy.

but i have to go with peter, its #3

Noelle said...

That totally happened to me with a guy I was seeing. We were supposed to go to the gym and he never showed up, and then he just stopped calling. I actually wrote him an email to see what his deal was, and the answer was that he wasn't that into me. Or dating, generally.

But seriously, if that's the case and you don't tell the person, you are a jerk. I hope he was eaten by bears.

Stefanie said...

Peter--Wait. Are you saying it would have been less shameful if he'd lost at Boggle to a boy? Really, if the guy's a word game sexist, I'm better off without him. ;-)

MnGirl--I love that you're thinking that plot would work equally well in thriller or rom-com format. That'd probably be a dark comedy, huh?

Noelle--He may, in fact, be not that into me. Or he may just be truly bad at dating (which perhaps explains why he's 40 and single). Either way, "I hope he was eaten by bears" made me laugh out loud, and I believe that is my new favorite phrase of contempt. Thank you.

-R- said...

I had a spinsterrific weekend, despite the fact that I am married.

Poppy Cede said...

You know what the problem is, right?

The Year of Stef got transferred to me. I even have "Year of the Poppy" M&Ms that Dawg had custom made for me. They're right over there (point point). Maybe I need to send you some M&Ms that say "The Year of Stef [your last name here]" so that the universe knows it's your time too. Because, (rubbing it in without specifically intending) my year rocks socks and stuff.

3carnations said...

Oh the awkward post-date analysis (obsession). I nearly forgot about it. Obviously my last such experience was with hubby, over 7 years ago. I remember after the first date going to a hockey game the next night with a friend of mine, hashing out the details, even though I still wasn't sure I was that into him. I annoyed her a good portion of the night going over every detail and wondering will he call, when will he call, should I call...I got home that night and there was a message from him. On a Friday night. Such a rule breaker, that guy. :)

lizgwiz said...

I was going to say that reading posts like this makes me remember why I keep putting up with New Guy's quirks--to avoid going back out there into that post-dating overanalysis thing. Then I realized that in the last month I've done a whole lot of that overanalysis WITH New Guy. I can't win. (Though it has been much better lately.)

I saw that particular episode of SATC this weekend, actually. A classic.

L Sass said...

Boys... they make no sense. Please don't wear out your precious neurons trying to figure out what Neighborhood Giant means by his flip-n-casual email.

Although, you might want to tell him that his name is Neighborhood Giant. That could be a big, big selling point.

Stefanie said...

R--Yay. Spinsters and wannabe spinsters unite! :-)

Poppy--So what you're saying is I should blame Dawg? I thought so.

3Cs--That's what I'm here for... to remind you of what you're not missing!

Liz--Ugh. See? Sometimes the analysis never ends. Also, that's too funny that that episode was just on this weekend. I haven't seen it in a while. It was a heart attack, right? I could be remembering that wrong.

L Sass--But if I told him that, I would have to tell him about the blog, and somehow I doubt that's a good idea at this point...

Anonymous said...

Darn, since you updated my comment is useless but I would say #5 for sure and not just because I watched Goonies this weekend.

Lara said...

Okay, I just read the update and am happy to hear that things may not be as they previously seemed. However, I was going to suggest that this might be a situation for which Misfortune Cookies were in order. Just a thought...