Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Points for creativity anyway?

Excerpt from the profile of the latest guy to "Hotlist" me (provided in the Why You Should Get to Know Me box)...

You know, I think that of all the monster cereal mascots, Frankenberry is the most difficult to explain. BooBerry's backstory is pretty easy to figure out: He was a man out picking blueberries for his morning breakfast and got mauled to death by a grizzly bear. Now his ghost is carrying out his unfinished business by infusing the blueberries INTO the cereal so others won't befall the same fate. That's quite altruistic for a spirit who died a violent death, you must admit. Not like those catty Japanese ghosts with the unkempt hair.

Count Chocula is clearly a reformed vampire who joined a 12-step group like Blood Drinkers Anonymous and was taught that it was OK to replace one crippling addiction with another. Hey, whatever works for him.

But Frankenberry, my GOD. So we're to assume that a mad scientist dug up some graves, stole several corpses, stitched various body parts together, then reanimated dead flesh so his unholy creation......... could hock strawberry cereal? And if that's the case, why the HELL did the scientist feel the need to attach a steam whistle to his head? I mean, does this make sense to ANY of you??

So ladies, if you think I'm compelling now, just wait 'til you get some liquor in me.

Oh, I almost forgot. I'm looking for a woman to date and stuff. So write me and maybe we can discuss deep meaningful issues over a nice bottle of, um, chianti.


I do realize, by the way, that posting this on the Internet is very likely a bad, bad idea. But is Bachelor #347 really going to Google his profile responses to see if his words have been published anywhere else? Let's hope not. If nothing else, I will find out if my two friends who are lurking on the same site have been Hotlisted or winked at Mr. Big Questions as well. It's important to know these things, after all. If someone's going to Hotlist me, I'd like to know that it means something, that I'm special in some way. (You know, in as much as receiving a pre-approved credit card offer from Chase makes me feel special, or being called for a donation from the Minneapolis Fireman's Ball does. It's all about the small things, isn't it?)

I can say this for sure: I never saw this sort of originality on meMarmony. (Wait. Scratch that. I never saw originality that didn't frighten or entirely confuse me.) Of course, meMarmony guys actually EMAILED me rather than just passively Hotlisting me and waiting for ME to step up. It's a trade-off, I suppose.

20 comments:

Courtney said...

Hmm. I'd say this guy has the possibility of being charming and very funny. I say go for it!

lizgwiz said...

Hey--he writes in complete sentences. That puts him head and shoulders above most of the guys who winked at me when I was on Match. Plus, he's funny. And knowledgeable about breakfast cereal. Give it a shot!

Mickey said...

This dude sounds pretty cool, except for one thing: Why wouldn't you put a steam whistle on Frankenberry? I say if you're piecing a monster together from scratch, go nuts with it. I like the whistle.

3carnations said...

So, um, are you responding? I'm not sure I want to know what happens when you "get some liquor" in him...

Noelle said...

There was one guy like that on Match, but he never wrote me back.

I do like that you're playing with fire for the sake of entertaining all of us!

Jess said...

Um, I vote for meeting him. See if he is coherent in person.

Poppy Cede said...

In retrospect it is clear that BooBerry is what brought me and Dawg together. Maybe it can bring you and Bachelor #347 together too!

togethertheycome said...

I say, "get some liquor" in him and we'll be on the edge of our seats waiting for that post!!!

If it doesn't work out, it seems like you would still have a fun time, he seems funny!

abbersnail said...

Oh, bravo! Finally, an original thought! (Um... not from you, I meant from him... you're full of originality... I'm AWKWARD.)

Ho hum... this comment is about to spontaneously combust...

Pam said...

I say go for it, that is if you're interested in other things about him. Assuming you didn't clean up any of his prose for your posting, at least he writes pretty well. Subject matter aside, of course.

-R- said...

Well, he put a lot of thought into it, at least.

Aaron said...

All I will say is that "hock strawberry cereal" should be "HAWK strawberry cereal". Hawking, as in hawking your wares. Hocking, as in hocking your jewelry.

That said: tres amusant. Go for it.

nancypearlwannabe said...

He sounds both funny AND coherent, both pluses. Give it a try!

metalia said...

Um...I think he's awesome. Go for it!

(Also, I now want Frankenberry cereal.)

Stefanie said...

All right, folks. So consensus seems to be to meet the guy. We shall see. I'll keep you posted.

Also, I haven't had Booberry in years, but now I sort of want some.

Poppy Cede said...

I know the best airport in the world at which to consume said yumminess, if you'd like to know. :D

L Sass said...

I find that profile totally charming... although he may really KNOW that he is witty and charming... which presents a potential ego problem!

Erikka said...

wow. is that bold, daring creativity or just dumb, rambling idiocy?

did this make your date cut?

Lara said...

I think I might be in love with him on your behalf (as much as a married girl can be, that is). Please please please go out with him.

Anonymous said...

So late to the party. Finals!

Maybe I like weirdos, but he sounds adorable. I'm much more likely to cut an articulate, entertaining guy slack on the wussy Hotlist thing.

And how cute would it be if he ended up being The One? Haaaa. Best how-we-met story EVAR.

(And your basement looks fabulous. What do you have planned for it?)

--Shana in MO