Monday, April 21, 2008

I'm (cough) fine. How are you?

A friend I hadn't seen in a while recently asked, "So how's your dating life going?" Reasonable question, I guess, and since I haven't written about any dates in quite some time, perhaps you're wondering as well.

So how is my dating life going? Well, let's see.

  • The other day I logged on to the site where I currently have a profile posted for the first time in a couple of weeks, and I saw that the most recent guy to view my profile has a tagline that says, "It puts the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose." Really, dude? Really? This is the guy you want to call to mind when trying to gain a woman's trust and interest? I don't know how that's working out for you, but I won't be finding out myself. As a sidenote, remind me not to go out with anyone driving a white cargo van or citing a penchant for at-home taxidermy in his list of interests.

  • I've also been viewed by an English professor whose vocabulary and presumed grammar prowess might make up for his geographic undesirability, but I may never find that out for sure because we are too busy engaged in a ridiculous Hotlist standoff to actually correspond directly. He "Hotlisted" me on April 8. I saw that note in my "Who's viewing me" list, looked at his profile, and thought, "Eh. He could be interesting... Maybe I'll send him a message later... Or maybe I'll just put him in MY Hotlist, too, so he sees it as a green light to step up and contact me." He did not contact me. He did, however, re-Hotlist me the following day. Apparently he'd rather play Hotlist tag than actually spend precious points to email me. This "post-for-free, pay-to-email" system has some flaws, obviously. At meMarmony, the men may be lazy, but on this site, they're lazy and cheap! Methinks it's time to change venues again.

  • Do you remember The Neighborhood Giant? He mysteriously popped back into my Inbox last week just as unexpectedly as he vanished from it nearly two months ago. I briefly considered holding a little poll to let you guys decide whether I should take him up on his invitation and see him again. (Remember how fun that was with the meMarmony guy known as "Med"? Was that really only a year ago now?? Dang, it seems like way more bad dates ago than that.) I decided against the poll pretty quickly, though--partly because that's just the sort of seemingly harmless little game that got Noelle in trouble last week and I'm maybe a little gun shy because of that, but also because I knew I'd already made up my mind. Yes, the guy vanished with no warning or excuse after a seemingly good second date. Yes, he has the annoying habit of emailing as though he's Twittering--like he's adhering to a self-imposed max number of characters per message and couldn't possibly type more than two lines. But despite any annoying habits and fuckwittery, we actually did have a good time on those two prior dates. The more I date, the more I realize what a rare stroke of luck it is to meet someone with whom I have any connection or chemistry at all... someone I feel I'm actually conversing with, not just talking at and listening to. And if that isn't enough reason to give TNG another chance, need I remind you that the man is 6'7" (six-foot-SEVEN!) and lives a mere two miles from my house? Do not underestimate the appeal of height and proximity when you are a taller than average girl and gas is well over $3 a gallon. I am nothing if not practical, as we all know.

    Unfortunately, it seems I may be in one of those "Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me" situations, because it's been six days since our seemingly good third date and I've yet to hear from the man at all. Since TNG has established a history of being less than ambitious with the follow-up, I suppose it may be a few days too early to assume myself a fool just yet, but the Magic 8 Ball I shook in my head reads "Outlook not good" anyway.

All of that aside, I had a mostly fun weekend. Fun = a Friday night chatting with a few good friends old and new and a Saturday night of too much wine and cheese followed by too many gin & tonics at a bar with an alarming amount of bad hair. Not-so-fun = The sore throat I'm rocking after several hours spent shouting over the noise in the bad hair bar and several more inhaling possibly carcinogenic dust while laying carpet tile in my basement yesterday afternoon. (I WILL finish that half-assed remodeling project eventually... presumably just in time to enjoy the cool, naturally air-conditioned comfort of those concrete block walls during the ungodly heat of an August night.)

On top of all that, it is finally spring, which I know not because I did anything crazy like go outside on what was purportedly a downright lovely day yesterday, but because the panel on the video billboard on my way to work that indicates the current temperature now features a picture of a robin in the grass, rather than a worried-looking melting snowman. Whoo. Thank you, Clear Channel, for that helpful visual aid.


3carnations said...

A million years ago, I went out with a guy I met in the Yahoo personals (this may have been BEFORE Match and all that). I had a good time, but he shot me an email after that he felt we just weren't compatible, blah, blah. Okay. About 6 months later, his profile was back up. I sent him an email - Not because I wanted to date him again, but mostly a "Hey - You're still out there,too?" thing. Well, he asked me out. We went on a very nice date. I had an even better time this time around. At dinner, I offered to contribute, cash-wise, and he said "No, you can get it next time." Which implied there would be a next time. Never. Heard. From. Him. Again. Which is fine now; it certainly worked out for the best. But back then? Frustrating. Fool me twice, indeed.

steve said...

I loved this post, only because of the new word you taught me today:


Oh, okay... I did like the rest of the post too - I was beginning to wonder about your dating scene after the tease about an upcoming date in the fruits and vegetables post a few days ago.

But seriously. Fuckwittery! Can I plagiarize that?

Maddie said...

You know what I've realized it hard about internet dating? We have nothing in common with these guys other than online dating. It's not like we're going to run into them at a mutual friend's party or anything, so it makes commitment very low. Which can be good and bad. Bleah.

Anonymous said...

Oh yeah, I've been fooled twice before. It's the worst! You think you're being all good and getting the karma by giving someone a second chance and then bam. That's why I still don't regret rejecting people before I even meet them.

Red said...

Oh, I love love love (by which I of course mean hate) the lazy seducers. Incessant winking does not a courtship make, gentlemen.

Anonymous said...

Boys are dumb.

Good work on the house! I am all for spending lovely spring days inside.

shelleycoughlin said...

I don't understand- so the guy winked at you, and then didn't email, even when you winked back? Is that what a Hotlist is? Why bother to wink in the first place?! Sigh. I have never understood dating, even when I was doing it.

lizgwiz said...

Maybe the Giant operates in a completely different time/space continuum, owing to his enormous size?

I'm reaching. He's probably just a fuckwit. ;)

Anonymous said...

Is this Flatch dot Flom that you're dealing with? I remembered I had a Flatch dot Flom profile a few weeks ago, updated it, and kept getting messages that I couldn't read unless I joined. Then they kept nixing things I said in my profile so I gave up. Lately I have been on OK Cupid, which is free but full of nerds. Not necessarily nerds in a good way, either.

Aaron said...

I'm sorry, I'm still stuck on the dude that put a Jame Gumb quote on his dating profile. Are you putting me on? Wow.

Stefanie said...

3Cs--This is the third or fourth guy I met online who boomeranged back at some point, and I've yet to have the second chance work out with any of them. Perhaps I should learn a lesson from this? And what the hell on your Yahoo guy... At least you got a free dinner, right? :-)

Steve--I was wondering if anyone caught that in my post last week. And I didn't make up "fuckwittery" myself, so go ahead and adopt it yourself, too!

Pants--Exactly. There is that rare occasion when I DO have things in common with a guy I met online, but it's definitely much easier to discern whether there's any connection if you meet in person instead. I guess that's why the coffee date (or as I call it, the "pre-date" or "go see") is so popular. Too bad it's still a time commitment of some sort for what is often a total bust.

Noelle--I know, right? I do actually have a friend who went out with a guy once, wasn't feeling it, and therefore didn't see him again right away, but then decided to give it another shot about six months later... He agreed to go out again and they are married with a one-year-old daughter now. So it can happen. (Maybe the secret is it has to be the woman who does the boomeranging?? Who knows.)

Red--I hate the winks. The Neighborhood Giant actually winked at me initially. We see where that's gotten me so far...

R--You pretty much summed it up. Thanks. :-)

NPW--Winks aren't the same as a Hotlist. (Perhaps I should just write a whole post explaining that?) Hotlisting someone is sort of like creating a bookmark. It's a way of remembering someone whose profile you saw that you want to remember or find quickly again later, but the more passive among us also use it as a way to say, "Hey, I looked at you and am intrigued, so maybe you should look at ME!" It's ridiculous, I know. One more reason you should be so happy you have Chris. :-)

Liz--I love that theory. Thank you.

Srah--Nope, not Flatch dot Flom, but I love that alias. I was wondering how OK Cupid was... I'm also curious if anyone's having luck on the new one they keep advertising--Chemistry (er, "Memistry"). The one I'm on right now is a conglomerate of a lot of sites, basically all accessed through various online periodicals around the country.

Aaron--I promise I am not making that up. I'm glad at least one of you thinks that's as absurd and misguided as I did.

Anonymous said...

Heh. Stefanie, you are a pip.

Go here, and get this -- much better than the one in your head:

Dude. I bought one to send my sister, who was a college freshman, and having a hard time, and I keep meaning to get myself one, too. It says all sorts of fun, sucky-uppy, go-you stuff, but the one that always makes me cackle is "your breath is so minty!" Haaaa.

I love this: "Do not underestimate the appeal of height and proximity when you are a taller than average girl and gas is well over $3 a gallon. I am nothing if not practical, as we all know." A girl after my own heart.

But you're scaring the crap outta me with the whole where-are-the-decent-men thing. The soon-to-be-ex and I are still in the same house, so I'm nowhere near looking, but...oy (with the poodles, already)!

But you were looking awfully cute in those recent pics, I forgot to tell you, so maybe The BFG is just intimidated.

--Shana in MO (will eventually figure out her old Blogger ID, and not be such a profoundly lazy git)

L Sass said...

Ugh! There is nothing worse than a drop-off-the-face of the earth guy. It drives me nuts. I, of course, would probably call hysterically and say, "Not that I CARE or anything, but you could at least write me a TWO-LINE EMAIL to tell me you're not interested instead of just DISAPPEARING!!!! BUT I DON'T CARE!"

(It's a good thing that I am no longer unleashing my "lack of caring" on the men of New York City.)

Anonymous said...

Good lord. I DO NOT UNDERSTAND THE NEIGHBORHOOD GIANT. Not one little bit. However, I giggled at your rationale for reconsidering him (well, not the whole thing - just the part about his geographic proximity and the price of gas).

Jess said...

This weird Hotlist tag thing is beyond me. I prefer the simplicity of Craigslist. But only because I happened to meet my fiance there.

Mickey said...

Maybe he's writing the exact same blog post right now, wondering why you haven't called. I know, that's not how it works, but some of us are really retarded when it comes to this stuff.

Stefanie said...

Shana--Your ex is still in the house? Er, that sounds... uncomfortable. :-( (Maybe not.) In any case, I did not mean to scare you. So sorry. And I love that affirmation ball. You're right: definitely better than the 8 ball in my head.

L Sass--I don't even mind when they disappear when I expect them to. (I've dated enough that I have a pretty good feel for when we can both just slink away quietly without having to acknowledge, "Yeah, that didn't really click, did it?") But this guy? BAFFLES me. I did NOT expect the vanishing act with him, and I can't believe he seems to have pulled it TWICE.

Lara--You and me both, my friend. You and me both. The man is a mystery, obviously.

Jess--You're kidding me. You too, with the Craigslist?? How come any time I've ever looked there, I've felt like I needed to wash my eyes out with soap??

Mickey--You're right; that's not how it works. Not with this guy, anyway. There are enough factors (that I could detail, but won't) that point to HE is supposed to be contacting ME, and I'm 98% sure he knows that. (As for the other 2%? If he falls into that category of clueless, I'd probably lack the patience for him in the long run anyway.)