OK folks, the plumber this morning? Nothing to write home about (er, blog about). He was a perfectly nice man who was very sympathetic when he told me that the asbesto-lined vent that my old gas-powered water heater was connected to no longer complies with city code, and I would therefore need to purchase a more expensive and less efficient electric unit to replace it instead. He even hauled my old unit out to my alley for city pickup without charging me the $40 they usually require for removal. I am pretty sure that plumber was not my soul mate, however, and even if he were, the woman I overheard him talking to about their sprinkler system (a woman I can only assume was his wife) probably wouldn't be too thrilled with that news.
The electrician I had to pay an additional $399 to come and complete the job, though? Um, yeah. I think he came from the same agency that sent Noelle's unexpectedly hot plumber earlier this year. I quickly fired off an email to a coworker explaining there was a very attractive and handy man in my basement, and she quickly replied that I should offer him a drink and a little snack. He declined the "Can I get you a soda or some water?" question. (I didn't have the nerve to offer him a semi-recently-baked cookie as well.) So tell me: what else should I ask the guy?
I would love to hear who has the best pickup line for a hot electrician on my property. Mind you, I won't actually have the nerve to use it, but it would amuse me anyway...
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16 comments:
First off, check for a ring before you offer any more "snacks". Heh.
Obviously I haven't picked anyone up in the last...eight years or so, but I'll amuse you (and myself) anyway.
Um...you could offer the snack, and when he declines laugh and say "Well, you came out here so quickly to take care of this. I almost feel like I should make you dinner or something!" Then laugh again, so he realizes it's a joke...Unless, of course, he doesn't WANT it to be a joke...
First off: Offer. The cookie. Do it. DO IT.
Second, um, I don't know? Ask him questions about himself? Or about, um, wiring? Yeah, you're on your own with this one. Sorry.
I'm thinking of a Friends episode .... when Monica moved into the apartment and offered Joey lemonade and he thought she meant "lemonade" wink wink. Try offering lemonade.
Hehe... I have no advice for you (I'm more the stammer and blush uncontrollably type), I will share a story:
I used to live with three other girls in a two bedroom house with one bathroom. A little close, but we got along really well. One day in the dead of winter, the toilet stopped working, so we called our landlords. They knew that we were friends with our next door neighbors, so they said, "Just see if the girls will let you use theirs until we can get someone in." FOUR DAYS LATER, a plumber (NOT hot) comes. We are all sitting on the front porch, and he comes trotting around from the back. "I can't get it unclogged-- there are too many tampons in there." His face is beet red, but he is speaking without any inflection at all. He turns around, gets in his truck and drives away, and we all look at each other in stunned amazement and then laugh until we're nearly peeing our pants (bad idea, because the toilet STILL DOESN'T WORK). Half an hour later, a new plumber comes (Hottie McHotHot from Hottieville!), works for like 2 minutes and comes out and tells us that if the other guy had just kept at it a tiny bit longer, he would've gotten it. He leaves, and we all rejoice in our fixed toilet.
Four months later I'm in the side yard on the first warm day, and I notice a big pile of something strange... I inspect it closer, and it's a huge pile of wadded, dried-out tampons. BOTH of those guys just left it there, laying in the grass. I was appalled.
"Do I see sparks or did you misconnect my wiring?" {wink, wink}
Crap! Getting this post 40 minutes later!
How about "let's go to my bedroom."
I believe in the very direct approach.
Laurel's comment just made me snort.
Miss Sass beat me to it! I swear, I was going to say something about sparks and wiring.
So now...compliment him on the size of his tool(s)?
Think you can fix the missing sparks in my bedroom? (not so subtle eyebrow raise)
My father is an electrician, so everything I have come up with is completely grossing me out.
Sorry the saga is getting so expensive!
OK, I think L Sass wins this one. The rest of you cracked me up as well, though. I knew you would have something to say... :-)
I think you can skip the pick-up lines and cookies and create some atmosphere instead. Play Etta James, "At last, my love has come along" while you sit, watching him, eating a bowl of grapes.
I need to get an electrician in here to do a little minor work pretty soon too. I'm going to pretend I didn't read any of this because I don't want to accidentally come on to him, in case he turns out to be a homunculus.
I'm thinking of the words "plug," "outlet" and "insert." You'll work something out. Sorry it's days too late.
I was really trying to come up with something about electricity being in the air, yadda yadda, but the sparks and misconnected wiring one is really the best.
I would telling him “The new name for my vagina is the Grub Shack.” And see where things went from there.
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