Wednesday, July 30, 2008

If you ask me, she decidedly did NOT "make it work"

Before we get started, a question for you. Was tonight some sort of Backwards Night on Project Runway? Those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about, fear not. I promise this entire post won't be about television. If you don't watch Project Runway, I understand. I resisted for a long time myself. But there will come a day when you will decide the "No Reality TV" mandate you have adhered to for years simply doesn't apply to the fascinating circus that is Project Runway. That day will probably be some random Sunday, perhaps when you are nursing a hangover and unable to leave your couch or even be bothered to press any more buttons than necessary on your remote. And on that day, Bravo will be playing a marathon of back-to-back episodes of Project Runway, each drawing you in ever deeper than the last. And when that day comes, come back here and let me know exactly why a dress seemingly birthed from a tragic collision of a flamingo, a tutu, and the high-necked, pouf-sleeved, floral dress of which my fifth grade teacher Miss Stanel was so fond beat out several far less hideous designs that people I know in real life might actually wear. And after you've explained that to me, I have a few other questions for you about tonight's winners and losers and, in fact, about the entire strange and motley mix of wallflowers and drama queens the producers have assembled for this year's cast. But all of that is for another day. I could go on, but why? There are other people already doing that, and doing a far better job than I would. Moving on.

See? Done talking about television now. I promise. I have far more important things on my mind. Namely, National Night Out. Have any of you actually participated in any National Night Out shenanigans in the past? Perhaps "shenanigans" is the wrong word. We are talking about family-oriented block parties, after all. Block parties organized by strangers, in which we're encouraged to bring not beer or wine or something similarly party-crucial but cans of tuna for a local food shelf instead. Maybe the tuna was just on MY block's notice. Maybe your flyer didn't say "Let's build a 'tower of tuna'!" on the back.

I've never gone to a National Night Out event, but I've also never been invited to a National Night Out event before. I really don't think my block has been having one and not telling me about it for years--huddling in someone's basement rather than a backyard, whispering, "Shhh! Don't tell that weird spinster girl in the blue house about this!" I think my block is just a lot like my high school graduating class: reasonably friendly to each other, but not much interested in organized participation or group togetherness of any sort. And I don't think my block's attitude about that has changed, because the invitation that was hanging on my front door last night didn't even come from anyone on my own block. The address is for a house one block down. Maybe they've tried this before and found their own block's as non-participatory as mine? Maybe they figure if they cast the net a bit wider, they'll get a more party-worthy turnout?

Or maybe... MAYBE! Maybe they DIDN'T invite the entire block adjacent to theirs. MAYBE I am the ONLY house in the 3400 block invited to the 3300 party! Maybe they aren't a "they" at all. Maybe in that house is an attractive and single thirty-something man... a man with a good job, a sense of humor, a flat(ish) gut, and a full head of hair! Maybe even a man with all of those attributes and without a dog! (Seriously, WHY do they all have dogs?? BIG dogs! Dogs that lick me and breathe on me and stab me with their hard, pointy paws! This is a topic for another post and not for a parenthetical, but it's something I've been wondering about for quite some time.) Maybe that mysterious man in the 3300 block saw me out walking one day and said, "That girl! I must meet her! She must live nearby!" So he cleverly followed me (in an entirely non-creepy, non-stalkery way, of course) back to my house and has simply been waiting for an opportunity to extend an olive branch (or, in this case, extend an offer of free hot dogs and lemonade) so we can chat.

What? It could happen...

I'm pretty sure the house that left the invitation isn't home to a single thirty-something male, however. I made note of the address so I could look for it on my way to work today, and it's actually a house on the nearby corner of the next block... the house with the Little Tykes playset in the backyard and a "Get your AVON here!" sign in front. Perhaps the block party invitation is all a ruse: a chance to garner new AVON clients. Sigh.

Or! OR! Maybe the AVON and Little Tykes couple has a friend! A single coworker or brother-in-law! Maybe he visits all the time. He's probably great with their kids, an honorary uncle of sorts. (Er, actual uncle, in the case of the "brother-in-law" scenario. I can't even get my fake stories straight.)

So. It could happen. I could go to my first National Night Out block party and meet the love of my life. Or I could go and come home full of hot dogs and potato salad and with a new wrinkle cream to test out. Should I go or not go? Tricky. I have until next Tuesday to decide.

Speaking of upcoming events, do you all know what this Friday is? It's Choose Your Own Blogventure day! Yay! Clear your schedules, because much like Blog Share, getting through all the posts just might take you a while. Unlike Blog Share, however, there will presumably be no dirty little private secrets. There'll likely be zombies and dragons and possibly even forgotten teen heartthrobs of the 80s instead. I can't wait. See you there.


3carnations said...

Go to the block party! Maybe you'll come back with a new flame AND some unwanted Avon. In that case, I think you still come out ahead! :)

lizgwiz said...

Go to the block party, by all means. Avon makes some good products. ;)

And send the guys with the big dogs MY way. Pudge could use a friend. Heh.

I just realized I started to submit this with "bloc party"--that has a whole different sort of connotation, doesn't it?

-R- said...

PR was so weird last night! The one outfit that Sandra B said was so fierce and tough looked like something my GRANDMA would wear. And the one outfit that was allegedly so matronly was actually cute. Also, I am going to punch Suede in the face because he is dumb.

Our block party invite said to bring a chair, meat, a side dish, drinks, AND silverware! WTF? Is it a bring-your-own-everything party?

flurrious said...

I just got our block party invitation last night too. I saw the guy stick it in my mailbox; he had both a big dog and a baby. I'm not planning to go. It's a potluck and my neighbors can't even manage pants most of the time; there's no way I'd eat their cooking. And also because a lot of houses get burglarized while their owners are at block parties.

Courtney said...

Fingers crossed that you will meet your star-crossed lover at the block party! And if not, hot dogs and wrinkle cream are always good. (Not together, of course.)

Can't wait for CYOB! Woo!

nancypearlwannabe said...

You are totally meant to meet the love of your life at a block party. That sounds so romantical! "Our eyes met over a veggie burger and we just KNEW..."

Also, CYOB is already getting some major love. I mean, not in my comments today, but everyone else is talking about it so WOO HOO!

Paisley said...

Sort of sounds like a ploy to sell Avon, but hey - they have good products! Maybe you can get some new lipgloss or something and MAYBE there will be a potential date in the mix...


Noelle said...

I kind of wish we had official night out here. We just have nights were people happen to go out. If it's at the same time, then great! If not... well, that's just sad.

Sauntering Soul said...

I don't think we've ever had a block party in my neighborhood either. I suppose if I really wanted there to be one I could organize it myself. However, it appears I'm much too lazy to go around organizing block parties.

badger reader said...

I don't go to our block party every year, but they are usually quite fun. Mostly lots of families and children's activities. We pay a set fee (usually $5/head with $15 max per family) and you are assigned a beverage to bring in 12 pack form.
Couple years ago I met one of my neighbor's eligible cousins who happened to be staying with them while there was a lapse between closings on his house(s). We dated for a couple months, so that was fun. Although I would never guess these family gatherings would be a good social dating venue, it certainly turned out for me one year. For as many laughs as I got with your Maybe/What If scenarios, who knows who you will meet!

Melliferous Pants said...

I want to talk about Project Runway! Sadly, I do not have Bravo. :-( But I have been watching with friends on Wednesday night. :-) Keith, the SLC contestant, is a friend so it's been exciting to see him. Though it was a little worrisome when they showed more of him last night than in all three episodes put together. Luckily he's still in!

I have to admit to having an enormous girl crush on Kenley, even though she made that hideous dress that won. How did she win with that lob-sided, hip enhancing, Bath & Body Works knock-off shower gel puff?! IT WAS SHAMEFUL!

OK, now on to imaginary boyfriends...yes! Go! If it's bad you can run home and create a fantastic story about it. Though I'm not sure you should really listen to me because I hide from all organized neighborhood activities. Though I have the excuse of being surrounded by Mormons and fear they will share their testimony of the gospel with me over Jell-O Jigglers and I'll be all, "I have to go home and brush my cat."

Anonymous said...

You have to go.

1) It would be an excellent story.

2) Avon's subsidiary line, "mark," has some really decent, ultra-cheap eyeshadows.

3) Potato salad is nummeh. It's a win-win-win!

Besides, it falls under that "putting yourself out there" crap. And you may meet some excellent new neighbors, which are always handy.

--Shana in MO

lizgwiz said...

I hadn't yet watched this week's PR when I first commented. Now I have. That winning dress was maybe the ugliest thing I've ever seen.

Also, does Leanne make you think of a less cute Metalia?

Stefanie said...

Liz--Yes!! She totally does! I thought the same thing.

(I had fully intended to comment back to the rest of you, too, but I just had to get that taken care of right away.) :-)

anna said...

And Emily (the one who got eliminated) looks like Whoorl!

Whiskeymarie said...

I have only once ever received an invite to my neighborhood's party. I went that year and never got invited again.
I behaved- I swear!

So even though they don't actually invite me, I've boycotted them. Snobs.

L Sass said...

Heh, I had never heard of National Night Out, but after teasers earlier tonight, I am eagerly awaiting the expose on Channel 4 tonight about the boycott of the program!

Oh Don Shelby, how I miss you when you're away.