Wednesday, November 19, 2008

So. Um, you come here often?

After nearly three years of periodic rounds on various dating sites, I've realized this city is small. Perusing profiles feels a bit like a strange virtual reunion of sorts. "Oh! You again. I remember you..." Sometimes it's a guy I was matched with but never met from meMarmony. "Well hello, there, MNDude71. I know you! Your real name is Eric, and you're a lawyer!" Other times it's just a guy whose profile I've seen every single time I've done a search in the past four years. "Hey. It's the outdoorsy, red-headed Minnetonka guy again. He's STILL here? What's wrong with him? Oh. Right. Same thing that's wrong with me, apparently." Once, a couple of weeks ago, it was a guy I immediately recognized as another contender in the drunken spelling bee last winter. I've actually seen that guy at various venues and events no fewer than four times total in the months since. Talked to him a couple of times, too, although he seemed utterly uninterested in talking to me. Should I let that stop me from contacting him on Catch dot Mom? Nonsense! Surely it's a sign we were meant to meet!

This just in: there are no signs. Not in my life, anyway. The universe rarely cares what I do. Spelling bee guy did write back to me, but did so about as shortly and evasively as when we spoke face-to-face several months ago. Lesson learned, then. Moving on.

Frankly, I think I lost interest in the search process almost as soon as my "paid subscriber, with email privileges" status was enstated. So lately I've been looking only at the guys Catch dot Mom sends me via email every few days. Basically I quit meMarmony and I'm still letting a computer pick who I look at rather than doing the hunting myself. Is it really any surprise I'm too lazy to try Craig's List?

At least meMarmony never sent me the same profile more than once. SERIOUSLY, "Sunnyguy" in the southeast metro, I am NEVER GOING TO CONTACT YOU. Ahem. Sorry about that. I'm sure Sunnyguy doesn't even know Catch dot Mom has repeatedly tried to force himself on me, and I'm sure Catch dot Mom doesn't know that I already rejected Sunnyguy on their sister site just two months ago. Still, when I opened my "Check out your new matches!" message today, I actually groaned and said out loud, "They're all reruns this time!"

It's almost as if I'm making a hobby of this, isn't it? I couldn't just take up basketweaving instead?

The downside of this, of course, is the paranoia that sets in when I imagine all the men surely recognizing me in their searching as well. Surely they would not be mocking me the same way I do them? Nonsense. Things like that never work in reverse, right? RIGHT?

It turns out I have been seen by a few men who recognize me, though. Two of my former meMarmony dates have already emailed me, saying, basically, "Fancy running into you here." I like to hope the fact that they were both fully cordial with their seemingly genuine well-wishing means I'm not as bad at the "I'm just not feeling it" speech as I think I am. I mean, this dude obviously isn't going to send me any happy thoughts via "talkmatch" mail (er, "talkcatch"? I thought perhaps that one would be taking the aliasing too far...), but I still hardly think that is my fault.

Today's NaBlo date story was going to be about one of those two past meMarmony dates, but you know what? I have already rattled on long enough for one night (particularly a night 19 days into this post-every-day thing), and I very much think I should at least try to get off the computer and into bed before 11:00 at least one night this month. So consider that the pre-story to tomorrow night's post. Boomerang guys at eleven. Or something like that.

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hey, just wondering - have you tried OkCupid? (www.okcupid.com) It is free. Computers do all the matching. You get awesome responses when you send a polite "thanks but no thanks" message. (My favorite involved sucking on toads.)

But most of all, it is free and does the work for you. And maybe there will be a few guys you haven't seen before.

Tress said...

Wow. This all sounds so exhausting. Why don't you just forget the whole thing and take up parasailing or something? Or painting? Or heavy, heavy drinking?

lizgwiz said...

I see a lot of the same guys on all the different sites, too.

I can go you one better with boomerang stories, though. Last week I got an email through flentyofpish from a guy expressing his deep desire to get to know me, based on my thoughtful and passionate profile. He gave me his number, and signed his name...and apparently never remembered that we had THREE (admittedly fairly short) phone conversations last month, he expressed his desire to drive from a neighboring state to have dinner, we talked about SPECIFIC POSSIBLE DATES, and then he disappeared into the ether. Oops, "Blayton"...guess you need to start keeping a checklist.

Jess said...

Wow. Who knew that internet dating could be so incestuous? Urgh.

steve said...

This made me laugh out loud:

"They're all reruns this time!"

Even in LA, there are plenty of reruns in online dating.

The trick, I think, is to somehow get syndicated. I hear there's real money to be made.

flurrious said...

This reminds me of someone I knew a long time ago who had signed up for a video dating service. Right off the bat, he bought a lifetime membership, which struck me as wildly pessimistic. He did meet his wife that way though, so it turned out okay. I have no point.

Mickey said...

I wish our neighbor would get in bed before 11. Just once.

So you've exhausted the Twin Cities. I think this means it's time to move. I hear Portland is nice. Or maybe Boston? I'm sure there are a lot of singles there.

Stefanie said...

Anonymous--I haven't tried that one yet, but a friend of mine has. Then again, she also had good luck on Craig's List. Eh. I suppose I should look just for fun, at least...

Tress--It's mentally exhausting at times, but frankly, I'm not putting much time or effort into it at the moment. It just seems that way because I chose to write about dates ALL DAMN MONTH. (Is anyone else tired of hearing me talk about dates yet? Because I sorta am.)

Liz--Oh, you are KIDDING me! Well, at least you know he was genuinely attracted to you and your profile, if it caught his attention twice! Short-term memory problems, perhaps?

Jess--Incestuous? I didn't say I was RELATED to any of these guys!! ;-)

Steve--I'm not sure I even want to know what "syndicated" would mean, in dating profile terms...

Flurrious--I've thought the same thing about the one-year memberships at meMarmony. Then again, I've spent enough money on these sites by now that I definitely COULD have just bought a year membership...

Mickey--The thought has occurred to me, believe me. It seems everyone finds the love of their life right after they move somewhere new. I love my friends here, though. Wouldn't want to trade that just for the possible prospect of a mystery man somewhere else.

Aaron said...

I was always under the impression that Minneapolis/St. Paul was a large urban area, but you make it sound like a small country town where everyone knows everyone.

Courtney said...

I've also been up way too late coming up with post ideas. At least yours are long enough to justify staying up so late. Mine take forever and are still short and often stupid.

Poppy said...

It's too bad you live in a state where I know no one. I would gladly introduce you to my single friends if you lived more easternly. Or, is that easterly? Eastereggly. You know what I mean.