Monday, November 24, 2008

As I've said before, the only reason I'm not a pro at this yet is that I'm maintaining my amateur status so I can date in the Olympics

Well then. Five days in a row I have abandoned my promise of a date story a day for NaBlo, and I still haven't thought of any particularly interesting or amusing stories I've not yet shared. Mind you, I'm confident I could troll through my archives to recycle something, but that feels like cheating, doesn't it? (Yes, I am conveniently ignoring the fact that I actually have done that with more than one story this month.) So much for picking a theme that was sure to carry me all the way through NaBloPoMo.

How about another quick installment of Guys I Won't Be Dating? Today's entry comes to us from the northern suburbs, and in addition to knowing his way around the English language, he comes with the added bonus of not even being quite single yet. (His status says, "Currently Separated." Um, thanks but no thanks.) What else does he have to say for himself? Let's see, shall we?

About me and who I'm looking for:
well they should be understanding and willing to put up with me. i am not perfect i am looking for someone who is able to laugh at life and who knows there way around a nice dinner. if you like walks and listening to the geese we might be able to find things that we have in common

Tell me, what woman wouldn't want to listen to the geese while cooking for this man? But wait! There's more! Let's take a look at his answers to the rest of the stock-standard profile questions...

For fun:

Favorite hot spots:

Favorite things:
tv, food

Last read:
the last question

OK. So he does not have fun, does not leave the house, has a problem with specificity, and does not read. I know how you guys feel about the non-readers, so I trust that part is the only reason you do not want me to contact him, right? I thought so.

I do get a medal for this at some point, right? I sure hope so.


steve said...

I've always wondered about the people on these sites who just crap out a horrible profile and upload a terrible snapshot of themselves that's obviously at least 8 years old.

Do they ever get response? Maybe it works for them. But I can't see how.

Anonymous said...

Hang on, I'm peeing my pants. LISTENING TO THE GEESE!!! Hahahaha.

nancypearlwannabe said...

Listening to the geese is probably my favorite activity. Why didn't he list that under fun?

What on earth makes him think any women would be interested in a man that lists "none" under fun?!

Jess said...

If you really want a laugh, you should read some of the ads on Craigslist. It still amazes me that I found Torsten amidst all the sketchiness.

lizgwiz said...

Profiles like that are the reason those profile-writing services were created, methinks.

I mean,'re being too judgmental and picky! Hee.

flurrious said...

"Last read: the last question" is performance art, right? Either that or he is, in reality, Mr. Short-Term Memory.

Noelle said...

Bad date avoidance is worth at least a bronze.

Courtney said...

Wow, this guy is just oozing with personality. What, you don't want to go out with a guy who has no fun? Picky, picky. :)

Stefanie said...

Jess--I have! And it amazes me, too. I don't have the patience to wade through all that riff-raff. I feel like I need to take a shower after perusing those ads. :-(